U may decide to try R. It may b day to day. U will c posters here that vascilate back and forth as emotions and circumstances evolve. Take the time to process at ur pace not his.
You sound so new to this. I'm so sorry.
You'll constantly doubt what you want now, because what you want and his actions are different, it sounds to me.
Do the 180, take care of yourself and see what comes. Lean on your support group.
I'm coming on my 2 month mark since dday and I've pretty much have made the decision within my heart that it's over. My WH left on dday and has shown no signs of R and the A is continuing. I need to move on for me. I didn't want it to be this way and there are still days I wish it wasn't this way, but I can feel my love fading for the man I used to know. I don't feel anything for this stranger he's become.
It is a rough road, but keep posting here, keep leaning on your support IRL, and take care of you. (((kisabiotch)))
You can see more of my story on my blog here: http://thatcraftylunchlady.com/?p=833
"Never give up hope and let time heal you"
Like I said, this is a roller coaster from hell. Anger is better than sadness. At least you feel some empowerment when you're angry. Still, just take it one day at a time. We can't change what has happened, we have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring, all we have is the present moment. Sometimes it's just easier to just "be" in the moment.
It was a quick, easy read and it really got me to show strength early on. In fact WS mentioned to people I had changed and he was thinking about coming back. I had changed so much by then (2 weeks after reading the book, btw) that I looked him dead in the eye and I said "I deserve it all! I deserve an awesome marriage, a real husband. and I WANT it all. If you are "thinking" about coming back, then you get into marriage counseling and see if you can be the husband I need". The telling point was when a man won't do this to save his family.... I wasn't sad any longer, I knew what I had to do for my kids and I, and that was to temporarily let him go and concentrate on building a great life for us.
I also realized IF he ever pulls his head out of his a**, he will tell me how proud he was of me for being strong for the kids and myself -- that's the kind of man he always was before he met her...
So, your greatest "weapon" in all this is to be aas rational as possible -- I know it's so hard when your mind is overwhelmed...that's why 180 really helps you get yourself pulled together.
If you do have to have a converstation, don't get drug off topic...
About considering suicide....the OW that my WH is with cheated on her first husband. He murdered the OM and then killed himself. He deserved to live, have a great life, be the firefighter that he was training to be. And look!!! The OW did the exact same thing to my H and her 2H that she did in the first scenerio-- got everyone to be friends and hang out!!!! OMG 2 deaths meant NOTHING to her.
You are valuable and you will get thru this.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:15 PM, May 4th (Sunday)]