It IS so hard. The loneliness. After 25 years together I miss him/us. I dont like being 50 & alone. I imagine making breakfast together, how we spooned like pretzels, great sex, spontaneous road trips, just being together. I actually cried myself to sleep last night & briefly thought about taking him back! And my STBX has done some incredibly evil things...so what is going on with me???!!
What I try to do...is think about those EVIL things! Like how he pre-meditatively beat me up, how he maliciously let everything we have get auctioned off without telling me, how he lies every waking minute, how he uses people, how he texts our son that he misses him & wishes they were throwing the football (but never follows thru on visitation cuz he has other social things to do), how he bad-mouths me to everyone, etc. I really need a list! Thinking of these things makes me miss him less....but he still occupies 80% of my head space!
An old boyfriend (who just filed for D as his wife cheated on him) suggested I put up a profile on online dating. He said that just getting the inquiries would help my self esteem & keep my mind off stbx.
There was a recent post...someone said that what we miss was the M or the H we THOUGHT we had. Maybe we did once upon a time. But that M or H is gone and no amount of R will ever bring it back.
[This message edited by btrayedbyhim at 7:35 AM, May 5th (Monday)]