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wildbananas (original poster member #10552) posted at 10:57 PM on Sunday, May 4th, 2014
The younger two bananas haven't seen asshat for a year... last year, he sent them both away for different reasons, saying they were not welcome at his house anymore. The bunch tried to see him around Thanksgiving and about two months ago but he backed out both times, claiming illness (once the flu, once pneumonia).
Last week, BananaGirl14 asked if she could text him to see if they could meet up before we move out of state on Thursday. I said sure but don't get your hopes up.
I was honestly surprised when she said he made arrangements to drive to us (about three hours) and take them to lunch (at a fast food restaurant... one where BananaBoy20 works. Good choice, dude 
).
Yesterday morning, surprise surprise... BG14 came in my room, sobbing, saying he'd texted to say he woke up sick and didn't think he'd be able to make it for lunch the next day. He asked for the next weekend and she pointed out, um, we'll be GONE then. He then said he'd try to get down to see her for dinner this week.
She is pissed. Baby banana didn't want to see him anyway. Oldest girl said screw him. Boy banana just said "It figures."
Dude. They are LEAVING THE STATE. Make an effort, FFS!
I just don't get it.
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 11:00 PM on Sunday, May 4th, 2014
I will never understand sperm/egg donors like this. 
I'd like to nut punch ex-asshat for you (and your beautiful babies).
((( Banana14 )))
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 11:08 PM on Sunday, May 4th, 2014
(((((the bunch))))) I'm so sorry, nanners. Your bunch deserves SO much more.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
HobbesTheTiger ( member #41477) posted at 11:10 PM on Sunday, May 4th, 2014
What a miserable excuse for a human being! In a way it's good that you're moving, less opportunities for him to disappoint the kids again...
I'm so sorry for hearing what you and the kiddos are going through! If I may say so, I'd strongly suggest counselling for them once you get settled in your new place. I know I still deal with abandonment issues and related issues, and I wish I had started counselling much much sooner, because it would have helped much more much sooner.
Best wishes to all of you!
PurpleRose ( member #33129) posted at 11:17 PM on Sunday, May 4th, 2014
I am so sorry for your bunch... My girls haven't seen the Doosh in forever either- the oldest since Nov 2011, and the teenager since July 2013.
How in the hell do,you just walk away from your KIDS? I don't and won't ever understand.
I hope the distance makes this easier on them, but I don't believe it truly will. :(
divorced the Dooosh 8/13
*****************************
Dance like nobody is watching,
Text and email like it will be used in court someday...
persevere ( member #31468) posted at 1:51 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
I'm so sorry wb, but unfortunately, his behavior is nothing if not consistent. ((Hugs)) to the kids, and can't wait to hear how the move goes - you all have bigger and better things coming your way. 
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 2:13 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
What a piece of crap he is! Hold the bunch extra close. They're good kids; he has no clue what he is tossing aside. Asshole. 
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:35 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
(((lil nanners)))
It's a shame he is more wrapped up in himself than others. Sending prayers of peace out to your kids and best wishes with your move.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 3:17 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
(((nanners)))
My heart goes out to your bunch. I'm glad they have a mom that is always there for them.
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 3:24 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
(((((((WB))))))
((((((((Bunch)))))))))
I'm hoping she is too busy saying good bye to her friends and other love ones to be bothered with him!!!!
Man this type of shit pisses me off for you and your kids!!!
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
ThisHell ( member #37089) posted at 3:42 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
I just don't get this....I really don't. I can't even go a freaking day without at least calling to say have a great time at dads and I love you. How can one go weeks, and then bail out knowing their kids will be moving?!! I'm so angry for you and your kids. Such an ass
Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 6:13 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
((((Bananas))))
I'm sorry he can't follow through but glad you're all getting a new start.
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 6:46 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
This breaks my heart for your children. 
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 7:09 AM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
So sorry for the bunch and for you dealing with their disappointment time and time again. Kinda sounds like he gets sick at the thought of being there for his own kids. How effing sad and screwed up is that?
Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?
NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 12:18 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
Awwwwwww....This breaks my heart for your children. What the hell is wrong with him? I don't have enough evil foul words to describe how I feel about an asshole that has no problems getting their kids hopes up and then dashing them. I am so glad that they have you to mitigate the damage from him.
((((hugs))) for you because I know how heartbreaking this is for a mom....
[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 6:19 AM, May 5th (Monday)]
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
IrishLass518 ( member #34373) posted at 1:52 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
better4me ( member #30341) posted at 5:00 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
((((bananabunch))))
What a sad clown asshat he is.
DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!
wildbananas (original poster member #10552) posted at 5:12 PM on Monday, May 5th, 2014
Thanks all... and yeah, I'm starting to wonder if this is psychosomatic, that he can't face them because he's screwed up so royally.
They're good bananas. He has no clue what he's missing!
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 12:11 AM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2014
I've seen the pain that a child goes through when their father ignores them. I am so sorry your bunch is going through this. Putting distance between you will make it a lot easier. Then if he wants to visit he can make a very long drive before they even get their hopes up.
It is his loss but it is a shame that they feel the pain. I am so sorry. I hope you all enjoy the adventure of the move to the new place and the girls ae super excited about starting something new.
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
courageous ( member #34477) posted at 1:35 AM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2014
I don't understand how fathers can neglect their children or treat them so cruelly like that. I'm sorry your bunch is hurting.
FTG and his supposed illness!
Me: BW (in my 40's) Him: ExWH EA/PA with MOW coworker(also married). He ended up marrying his mistress.
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