SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

It's like having an internal TV that is on, and the "off" button doesn't work, no matter how many times you try to press it. I know I will be paying the piper tomorrow as I drag through the day. The most frustrating part of it is falling into a deep sleep right before it is time to wake up. Looking at the clock tick by is frustrating, too. It seems like hours to see a few minutes progress.

I've been dealing with this since I was a very young child.

Anyone else deal with this?

I am very interested in hearing from anyone who has had any measure of success in combating this.

I do, I did a sleep study. Only thing that helps e is medication.

I've done lunesta, ambian and I'm now on trazadone.

I've discovered that I have a very small 'window of opportunity' when natural sleep will happen. If I don't go to bed at that point, I will not get a good sleep. My problem is that window comes earlier in the evening than I'm willing to go to bed, and now I work second shift, so all bets are off.

I am fortunate in that I only need 5 to 5.5 hours of sleep, but even getting that amount is difficult.

RAising hand.
I have had sleep issues since I was a kid. Never fell asleep easily, sleep lightly, wake up very easily. My only blessing is I can go back to sleep usually if I am awakened (a skill I learned when I had my kids).

Do you have clean sleep habits?
This really can be essential in having good sleep.
A set bedtime, and a set routine at bedtime. No social media in bed.

Reading at bedtime is allowed, but make sure your brightness on any e reader you may be using is turned down. At their full brightness they actually stimulate your brain to keep you awake.

Sleep for no more than 10 hours at any night, have a set bedtime and a set get up time, stick to this even on the weekends until you get your clock reset can take a month or two.

No Napping, no cat napping while watching TV, no real naps either.

Have white noise in your bedroom, a fan, a phone app, a noise machine, something to help buffer your brain. This helps to block out noise, and your brain will relate it sleep, and help induce sleep when you hear it.

Make sure you have good pillows, good sheets, and a nice cool bedroom that is dark.

Lastly if you lay in bed for more than 30 minutes awake, if trying to go to sleep, or waking up in the middle of the night, get up do some mundane activity, (I do laundry), then go back to bed, and follow your normal routine.

Eliminate Caffeine after 1pm.
Add in melatonin.

If all this doesn't work, and you are still having issues, then it may be time to try a sleep aid. OTC stuff is usually Benadryl, or Benadryl with either Tylenol or ibuprofen.
There are a multitude of Rx meds, true sleep meds like Lunesta and Ambien, older sleep meds like Restoril, and Low dose antidepressants like Elavil, and Trazadone. Lastly there are benzodiazepines, which are not truly sleep meds, but can work really well with little to no hangover, the risk is they can be addictive.

Being aware of the addictive nature of Benzo's I have taken them for years, if I go 2 nights without good sleep then I take one. It is a small dose, and just enough to quiet my mind, and has little to no hangover for me.

I have tried Trazadone, with no real help, and some unpleasant side effects, I did take Elavil for years for Migraines, and that did help improve sleep but not always.

Each of us is different and has different brain chemistry, and reasons why we can't sleep.
As we get older the need for 8 hours diminishes as well, as long as you feel rested it's not a problem. But if you are exhausted it is.

I would also recommend talking to your Dr about a sleep study too. We are finding that the "classic" sleep apneic person, isn't the only ones with sleep apnea. If you have elevated blood pressure, and are not obese, I recommend one. I have a patient that is actually in great shape, and had BP that was resistant to a bunch of meds, sent him for a sleep study, and Ta Da, yup sleep apnea, severe. Loves his machine, and is now off all meds for BP. I also have a young man who is "obese" by medical standards, but is built like a wrester, and had very similar issues, now resolved.

That was very informative, thanks tushnurse!

I think I'll start working with the "clean sleep habits", and go from there.

Thank you also to Kelany and Sad in AZ for responding.

[This message edited by LosferWords at 8:30 AM, May 5th (Monday)]

I was in the army for 15 years, and was very active. When I got out, I started having problems sleeping at night. What ended up being my problem was that I was not active enough during the day to tire out my body. I started exercising in the morning again (like the army taught me), and sleeping problems went away. Of course, I have run through this cycle 4 or 5 times now since getting out, because after a few months of sleeping fine, I get lazy and stop exercising, and within a few weeks I start having sleeping problems again.... it's all a vicious cycle.... lol

Thanks, JAS. I'm the same way... if I don't get enough physical activity, I just can't sleep well. Yesterday I got plenty of physical activity, though.

I'm thinking this might be a symptom of recently cutting way back on my alcohol and nicotine intake.

I've struggled with this most of my life. This sounded way too simple to me at first but I've had a lot of luck with it - deep breathing while counting. I don't think the number you count to really matters, but what does matter is that you count longer on the exhale than the inhale. It does something to sort of re-set your brain into relaxation mode and I drift off into a nice sleep.

So inhale and count to maybe four or five, whatever's comfortable, then exhale slowly and count to six or seven, more if you can. I don't know if you've ever meditated or learned the mouth position for the type of meditation that I learned, but that really helps me too! I open my mouth just a teensy bit and stick my tongue on the back of my top teeth.

I have trouble shutting my brain off, so it really helps to have something to concentrate on like the counting and the mouth position. If my thoughts wander I just direct them back to that.

Guided mediation is also really nice...relaxing music with a soothing voiceover...

I cannot have coffee after Noon.

I take a 1/4 melatonin tablet (more than that & I'll get psychedelic dreams or may not be able to sleep at all).

Benedryl. It's good stuff.

I've tried melatonin in very small doses, and it gives me some really whacked out dreams.

I think the guided meditation might be something worth looking into.

I've cut most of the caffeine out of my diet.

Benedryl has some pretty bizarre effects on me as well.

The night before last was good. I was able to crash by around midnight. Last night I think I fell asleep around 3:30, which is pretty rough when my alarm goes off at 6:00.

I really appreciate all of the suggestions. Something is bound to work eventually. The collective knowledge here at SI never ceases to amaze me.

While doing the deep breathing/guided meditation, lie in corpse pose - on your back, legs slightly spread, arms slightly away from tour sides with your hands open and the palms up. The palms up is key - it's like the stress flows out of your hands. This helps me fall back asleep. I have no problem falling asleep initially but then wake up in two hours - wide awake. I can't seem to sleep more than 2 hours at a time - very annoying!

[This message edited by sharim at 11:58 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)]

I also have had this issue all my life. I have tried melatonin but it did not work well for me as I still had to lay in bed for an hour after taking it before I slept. I hate that. I tried Ambian but I still felt VERY groggy in the morning until noon or 1. OTC sometimes work, sometimes don't. Xanax is good for turning off the constant head chatter, which helps, but does not actually make me tired. The only thing that works consistently is alcohol.

I wanted to let you know that I'm having some good results with a 'relaxing sounds' app on my phone. It was free, and there are three sounds, but only one of the three work for me It's the beach sounds (gentle rolling surf). There's a babbling brook, which annoys me for some reason and a rainstorm, but it has thunder, which excites me IRL, so I guess that's counterproductive to sleep. The app has a timer, and you can set the sounds for anywhere from 10 minutes to infinite. It also appears that the app has a glitch in that you can't turn off the rainstorm it has to run it's course. Thankfully, I never set it for infinite

I've only been using it for a few nights, but I usually fall asleep before the 10 minutes are up.

*raises hand*

I have a hard time falling asleep, and staying asleep.

I have tried prescription sleep aids (and had wacky side effects with ambien--and lunesta made me feel like my uvula was collapsing on my esophagus).

Currently I take a double dose of the generic version of Unisom.

I take it before dinner (and I usually eat dinner around 730 pm), and by 9 or 930 I'm ready to sleep. Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night and struggle to get back to sleep. That's when I start watching the clock and saying "well if I fall asleep right NOW I will get 4 hrs of sleep." and on and on until the alarm goes off.

For me:

No caffeine after noon.
Liquid melatonin so I can have a tiny dose if I wake at 2 or 3am and I'm not groggy in the am.
David Sedaris audiobooks. His voice is both soothing and entertaining. I have listened to each of his books 10,000 x. Puts me right out.

When my mom quit smoking, she didn't sleep more than five hours a night for a year. So cutting back on your nicotine might have something to do with it.

I have a cousin who has found a lot of relief from insomnia by visiting a hypnotist that helped her with some self hypnosis techniques. I think this is probably similar to guided meditation. It helps her turn off that inner TV you describe.

I have a really difficult time falling back to sleep if I wake up for any reason. The harder I try the more frustrated I get, so now I just get up and do something for a while, like read on the couch or fold laundry.

I used to be able to drink coffee all day and didn't have much difficulty getting to sleep, but as I've gotten older my tolerance has lessened. At this point I don't drink any caffeine after twelve. That was a real revelation for me, I used to drink coffee after dinner and not notice a thing.

Hope you find something that helps!