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theties posted 5/5/2014 19:55 PM

I really want to say that I am finding this to be such a helpful forum. Sorry I'm all over the place.
I am really struggling with understanding.
The weekend before DD I had suffered my second miscarriage and thought I was being very sensitive and that weekend he seemed pre-occupied, and didn't show a normal level of empathy for how low I was feeling. But I just knew something was wrong.

WS has confessed to watching porn on his phone for sometime , claiming a couple of times a week, sometimes after I had gone to bed (I was pretty sick around this time), sometimes at work.
A pop up screen came up for and he created a profile, dick photos and all. Looking for hot, naughty fun, ready to play.
At some point he starts chatting to some girl (clearly one with little self esteem) and drives to her place and has sex.
He claims they used protection. Drives home and tells me how much he loves me, hugging and hugging me.
The next day at work I he said he was sick, racked with quilt. That night I asked him an innocent question, but my gut was telling me something was very wrong.
He just came out with it. He says there was nothing at all wrong with our relationship it was him and in his head. He's told me he was selfish and it was exciting.
He says all the right things.
Questions, how do you deal with porn, it's not something we have watched together and now I have asked him to change his mobile for one that doesn't have internet access. Is that realistic?
MC has said sometimes people just make a series of bad decisions without thinking and we can move on from it as he thinks he has had a huge wake up call. I can't get my head around the fact there are no underlining causes, issues etc we need to work on.
Sex, I always felt it was not the biggest part of our relationship but an important part... no I don't want to kiss let alone anything else but I also feel worried if I don't, I just don't know if I will get past this.

painfulpast posted 5/5/2014 20:03 PM

OMG - I'm so sorry.

Porn - I'd worry much more about his cheating than the porn, but al of it needs to GO. He had no boundaries, at all. Yes, you can get him a phone without internet. No, you don't need to have sex with him. There is NO need to worry about not having sex with him. If he can't understand that, then he's going to keep cheating anyway.

I'm so sorry - these social sites are just begging people to be unfaithful. I know, the site didn't make him cheat, but how many wouldn't if not for Facebook, flirt, craigslist, etc?

theties posted 5/5/2014 20:15 PM

I find it hard to accept it was just all a big mistake. How wrong is that.
Opps sorry. His remorse seems genuine, but I struggle to accept that it's just that simple.

painfulpast posted 5/5/2014 20:17 PM

Exactly. It feels like something else is there. I have no clue what, but it just seems like it's too easy - Whoops! I had sex with her, now I'm sad.

I agree with you - something isn't sitting well

theties posted 5/5/2014 20:32 PM

MC just said he thought it was bad, bad judgement and not ok, but he had a big wake up call. He had a lot of work to do be totally transparent, etc and to romance me. Although this part I kind of looked forward to as he has never organised anything we have done together besides fishing. He's saying as the right things but there seems no measure to put in place for this not to happen again.

Thatgirl2288 posted 5/5/2014 22:36 PM

Theties I'm so sorry that your going through all of this, it really knocks you off your feet. I'm in the similar situation, my H was looking at porn on his phone every week, then it turned into texting escorts on a regular basis. It feels like I'm missing something also.
It's a horrible feeling and I hope you get to the bottom of it, you deserve the truth.

theties posted 5/6/2014 14:45 PM

Thanks thatgirl - I hope you find answers too. I ask in dribs and drabs. He answers, there is alot of crying, I asked her name this morning. Lou.
It's taking everything I have not to go onto flirt and troll through pages of anyone in that area to see what she looks like.
I think I'll ask him for a time line, but really at the moment I just want to sleep. I started having nightmares last night.
He's trying to be sexual in bed and I am wrapped in winter pjs. I can't. I'm too hurt, and I don't know how I can with no trust.
I found a good blog that has really helped as again a similar situation. Our journey after his affair.
We walked the dogs down the beach last night and I kept looking at him wondering if this was the person I thought I knew or did I not know him at all. Was there two people or aside of him that I didn't know existed. At the supermarket he picked up french roasted coffee. I couldn't help it 'another thing I didn't know about you'
We all deserve honest answers. I hope over time we get them, for now I don't know if he knows them.

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