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Senraba02 posted 5/6/2014 18:31 PM

Unfortunately I am deleting my posts and my account because my BS doesn't think I should have the same forum rights as he does- and is using my posts against me by reading into them and drawing conclusions that are inaccurate.

[This message edited by Senraba02 at 11:29 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]

EvolvingSoul posted 5/6/2014 19:57 PM

Hmmm. Although I understand why you feel the urge to communicate your remorse to her, I don't think I would initiate contact. If you know she's aware of you and she is more or less ignoring you I think I would just mirror that. I would try to be polite and brief in any professional interaction I had with her as an employee.

Just my $.02

BaxtersBFF posted 5/7/2014 08:53 AM

I agree. Don't initiate contact. If the daughter says anything to you, then maybe have some sort of response prepared, but leave it at that.

There are a number of people I would like to apologize to for things I did during the A, but to do so would only be helpful (self-serving?) to me. I look at it as another consequence of my actions. Almost like another layer of penance when I think about it, which has become less and less over time.

somethingremorse posted 5/7/2014 09:09 AM

Baxter said exactly what I have been discussing with my MC and IC. The first question is why do you want to apologize? If it's just for you, then there is no reason to do it. If there is something indication that the other person needs or wants an apology, then it is about making them better.

So unless she confronts you, or gives some very clear indication that she would like to hear from you, you should stay away.

islesguy posted 5/7/2014 09:16 AM

Do not do anything without discussing it with your BS first. A few months after DDay I thought I was doing the right thing by sending an apology letter to my wife's family. I thought this was my responsibility as a cheater so I didn't tell my wife about it and when she found out about it she was really angry as she felt like this was just another thing that I did behind her back.

If you feel like you need to initiate contact for whatever reason, that is fine but don't do without the blessing of your BS.

Wayflost posted 5/7/2014 10:40 AM

Might I suggest writing out the apology, then burning it? Perhaps just the act of writing it out will be enough to ease the desire.

I have no idea if it will work. I do know that writing things out can help me process.

bjordan761 posted 5/8/2014 05:40 AM

senraba I had a similar situation. A few questions..1) was the AP married or divorced? From your question it's obvious you were currently married at the time and this devastated your life and marriage. But it's not clear the AP situation. 2)since the AP daughter is working I'm assuming she is an adult and not a child? I guess my question is why do you feel the need to apologize? My situation was similar but the AP child was only 13. I ended up never saying anything because I could never fully explain to my BS why I needed to apologize to the AP child. The AP was already divorced.

Alyssamd24 posted 5/8/2014 06:01 AM

I agree with the others who have said do not initiate contact with her... if she wants to contact you then you can talk to her, otherwise I would just leave it alone.

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