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MC Part Deux

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LostSamurai posted 5/7/2014 07:04 AM

1. WS welcome as always.

So, this is what has happen yesterday at counseling. Our counselor is focused on us working to getting to a point where we can continue our marriage.

We talk about what's been going on recently and then hit on a certain topic. The nit picking, negativity expression.

INCIDENT: I been cleaning the house, and all. Cut down some trees, painted a room. WW and DD come over and immediately, begins walking around the house like she owns the place, even though I changed the locks and haven't given her a key. She see's ants which we had always had a problem with. I recently got rid of the cat and been cleaning up the damage from that. I admit I did not hit all the spots, where the cat has been like the kitchen counter.

Well after her patrolling the house, she comes to me and it was like she was attacking me saying the house was unsanitary. I felt like this was a confrontation so I said, "your right, the house needs to be clean. DD, get some toys you want to play with and you can take them back to (grandmother)GIGI's house." I pack them up, and take them home so I could avoid anger in front of daughter or towards her. I am not going to let people get to me, especially when they are not around and all they can do is be negative. So I got a haircut after dropping them off, and then I mopped the floor, clean the kitchen counter and vacuumed. A lot of this I was planning to do, but based on my schedule and other things go on, it takes me a while to get to it. Well it is done.

MC SAID to WW: Can you understand how that can be upsetting and hurtful. You come in and make it as if LS is not important and that he doesn't meet your approval. When you come in, and notice something is not sanitary/clean. You need to share what you feel without being critical.

Then as we are talking and I share something, she just put her foot in the mouth.

We do an example about how it made me feel and then she say's: I understand how that can hurt, however.

MC: STOP Right there. That doesn't make LS feel important when you say you understand and then you throw a however, or a but. That makes him feel unimportant because he shared with you how it made him feel and then you basically said to him "Your pain/feelings aren't important because you are viewing the situation in a wrong way." Let me explain it to you. LS shares with you his feeling and you take the focus off of him and put it on you when you do that.

He addressed that and some other situations. Haven't talked about the affairs yet...

Not even sure what I wrote up top is even worth writing or valuable... Not even sure how any one can respond to that.

tushnurse posted 5/7/2014 07:23 AM

Im a bit confused on this.
I was under the impression you had decided you were done, and R was not going to happen.
If this is the case the only point in MC is to learn how to co-parent in amicable healthy way, so that it doesn't create too much chaos in DD's life. Anything other than that is just a waste of your time and money.

I also think your MC is way off base here, did she tell you that you can have a voice in this, and calmly tell her you choose to not live here anymore, therefore you have zero right to dictate how I live? Because if she didn't she is just keeping you in a co-dependent state of mine. God gave you a voice for a reason. USE IT.

LostSamurai posted 5/7/2014 08:20 AM

I told my WW I would go to at least 4 counseling sessions and then see what happens. I am going in with that mind set, that we are not R'ing. I am not going to say we can't completely, but I am just not worried about it, as I stated to them, because I get my hopes all up and then boom, I get disappointed at something she says.

Did not discuss the issue of living there or not with her. I took down a lot of pictures and changed locks. Didn't address that.

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