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Struggling

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Mindfully posted 5/7/2014 09:18 AM

I am struggling today. I'm two and a half months out from Dday. The WS are in limbo, while I think about whether or not I want to reconcile. On Sunday, the OW emailed my WS. WS did exactly the right thing: didn't respond or delete the email, notified me as per our agreement, we talked about it and agreed to delete it unread. So that was actually a good moment.

So why am I still struggling? In part, the OW reaching out to my WS caused some triggering for me. But the other part of it is, at two and a half months out, some things feel they are moving back towards "normal". I know this should be a good thing. I should be feeling good about the fact that I can manage to get through most days without crying for at least half of them, I have better concentration at work, I get to an exercise class and actually have moments where I enjoy it.

But the truth is sometimes the "normalcy" freaks me out. I feel this strong desire to say to the world: "Don't think I'm okay now, I am still broken. I am still hurt by this". I said these things to my WS this morning, but I'm not sure he gets it. I am not sure I do. Is this craziness? Self-pity? Is it fear of moving on? Do any other BS's ever have these fears?

Chefj9 posted 5/7/2014 09:23 AM

Mindfully, I totally get this:

I am still broken. I am still hurt by this".

I am a year out and still feel this way. What you're feeling is completely normal. I don't have advice, but wanted you to know that others feel this way too, and that you're not alone.

(((mindfully)))

steadfast1973 posted 5/7/2014 09:29 AM

trust anxiety. I got it too when fwh started acting the right way... Cautious Progression... it's normal... and will last a good while...

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