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Newest Member: Bstrom (61482)

User Topic: Struggling
♀ 42959
Member # 42959
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am struggling today. I'm two and a half months out from Dday. The WS are in limbo, while I think about whether or not I want to reconcile. On Sunday, the OW emailed my WS. WS did exactly the right thing: didn't respond or delete the email, notified me as per our agreement, we talked about it and agreed to delete it unread. So that was actually a good moment.

So why am I still struggling? In part, the OW reaching out to my WS caused some triggering for me. But the other part of it is, at two and a half months out, some things feel they are moving back towards "normal". I know this should be a good thing. I should be feeling good about the fact that I can manage to get through most days without crying for at least half of them, I have better concentration at work, I get to an exercise class and actually have moments where I enjoy it.

But the truth is sometimes the "normalcy" freaks me out. I feel this strong desire to say to the world: "Don't think I'm okay now, I am still broken. I am still hurt by this". I said these things to my WS this morning, but I'm not sure he gets it. I am not sure I do. Is this craziness? Self-pity? Is it fear of moving on? Do any other BS's ever have these fears?

Posts: 111 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 38604
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mindfully, I totally get this:
I am still broken. I am still hurt by this".

I am a year out and still feel this way. What you're feeling is completely normal. I don't have advice, but wanted you to know that others feel this way too, and that you're not alone.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 26,16, 15 and 13
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 476 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trust anxiety. I got it too when fwh started acting the right way... Cautious Progression... it's normal... and will last a good while...

Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"

Posts: 2303 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Kentucky
Topic Posts: 3

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