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Newest Member: Romulus (45761)

User Topic: F Me!
million pieces
♀ 27539
Member # 27539
Frustrated  Posted: 4:20 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to vent, I want to cry. My sweet dd just gave me an early Mother's Day present. A necklace. I made the mistake of asking where she got it, because it was not homemade (as in store bought). She said that it was wifetress's old necklace. I didn't ask any more. She wanted me to put it on. I feel like it is choking me.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Abby
♀ 5526
Member # 5526
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, I am speechless! How utterly horrifying for you, MP! *hugs*

Posts: 582 | Registered: Oct 2004
MyVoice
♀ 35695
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry and sending big hugs.

I know your daughter is young and it's obvious she has no idea how this would upset you,so of course you want her to feel how much you love the fact she thought of you and what a pretty choice she made, but that doesn't mean you have to play along and wear that thing!

Personally I believe kids are better off knowing more rather than less, they deserve the truth presented in ways they can understand and learn from. I'd sit her down with lots of hugs and kisses and in some way explain it doesn't feel right to wear something that belonged to the wifetress, perhaps you could turn it into a sun catcher or something? Let her know the thought behind the gift means more than the whole world to you but giving you something that belonged to wiftress is just not how relationships work, (unless of course she thinks you guys are best friends or something?)

Obviously kids don't need to see if we have deep dark feeling towards the ow, but I don't believe in the attitude of lets pretend the OW is wonderful with our kids, I really think you have to be true to yourself or your not being true to her.

Again big big hugs that's just horriblexxxxx


Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 476 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh honey. ((((((million))))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26216 | Registered: Aug 2011
absolut
♀ 37933
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should put it around a favorite stuffed animal or something like that. (for now)

Maybe sometime in the next few months or so you can explain to your kids something like "her and I aren't friends" or "we don't like each other" and just leave it at that.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Bravenewgirl
♀ 36267
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and then punch the stuffed animal in the face when nobody is looking.


((((((million))))))))))


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

9? 11? Old enough to understand. Put it into school girl terms. She has people that she doesn't like or who have been "mean" to her. And how she would feel if a "gift" came from that person by way of a friend.

Help her to make something or write something, color a picture that is all HER (who you of course LOVE) and let her give the necklace back to OW.

I am so sorry. I can imagine the pain.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5918 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
kiki1
♀ 37184
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ugh, i would do as the others suggest. explain you cant wear it, why and then get rid of it.

im so sorry, thats horrible.

hugs,,,,


Posts: 689 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
PhoenixRisen
35912
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto explain and get rid of it!
(When she is an adult she will remember this and feel awful if you kept it! save her from that!)

Then take her to a store and give her $10 to buy you something... she can feel like a grown up buying something on her own - while you stand an aisle away NOT peeking!


Posts: 504 | Registered: Jun 2012
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((mp)) oh my god. Those fuckers did that on purpose. The cruelty is astonishing. How dare they.

I agree with the pp about age appropriate truth and helping her make or buy something else for you.

My girls are aware I do not like OWUmpteen and that we are not friends.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
absolut
♀ 37933
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^I had the same thought.
I dated a guy with 2 small daughters. For reasons I won't go into, he was too petty to take them to get MD and xmas gifts, I was the one to do that. It is not that hard to take them to a Target with $10 or sit them down with a folded in half piece of construction paper and some markers. (and i never even met him when they were a couple fwiw)

I can't imagine letting a little girl run off with my discarded costume jewelry to give her real mom, while I'm involved with the dad, regardless of how we got involved. That is so incredibly tacky.

Ugh. Brush that dirt off your shoulder honey.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
million pieces
♀ 27539
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My dd knows wifetress and I are not best friends, but we do communicate and are cordial in public-lots of sport events. I actually communicate with her over my ex, he is still a complete asshole to me. As communication is what is best for the kids, this is how it works best. My kids like her, and I bet my dd loves her. She does most of the parenting as ex is often out of town. It is a pretty shitty situation, but I worked hard with my IC and the family therapist to do what is best for my kids. My son had a lot of issues when his father left. Anyway, this woman takes care of my kids 35 percent of their lives and for now I don't see the need to complicate their feelings towards her. I will never lie to them if they ask though.

And yes, wifetress knew what she was doing when that necklace went to me. I am also not willing to give her the satisfaction that it got to me. Fuck her.

[This message edited by million pieces at 9:50 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)]


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((mp)))))))))

I LOVE your attitude about this situation.

Over the next year teach your dd that you LOVE her handcrafted items as gifts. Otherwise I worry this ow gifting will become a tradition.

Now start thinking of what you can send for Father's Day?

Hallmark is smart not to do a stepmothers day?

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5551 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
yewtree
♀ 16671
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd wear it out of the house tomorrow and "lose" it along the way, then go buy some plants to put in a pot together on Sunday and make a big deal of them growing ... Just like your love for her. Then every year From now on, plant a flower or two on moms day.

He'll no to the necklace.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4707 | Registered: Oct 2007
million pieces
♀ 27539
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now start thinking of what you can send for Father's Day?

OMG!!!! I love this! How about one of my fiance's discarded ties?

About the necklace, I had my eye on a "mothers necklace" a little while ago on Etsy. I think dd and I are going to take a look at that....


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
abbycadabby
♀ 27428
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd wear it out of the house tomorrow and "lose" it along the way

This!

(((Million pieces)))


Posts: 1306 | Registered: Feb 2010
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's 14. Allow the thought to count for something.

The things we do as parents are sometimes not easy.

They're just worth it.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((million)))

Posts: 36494 | Registered: Mar 2011
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((million pieces)))

I know that whatever you say to your dd, you'll say it with love and concern for her feelings. Ugh, just ugh.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3236 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
dontknowwhyme
♂ 21587
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am also not willing to give her the satisfaction that it got to me. Fuck her.


That is a great attitude to have.


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 1009 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 24
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