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million pieces posted 5/7/2014 16:20 PM

I need to vent, I want to cry. My sweet dd just gave me an early Mother's Day present. A necklace. I made the mistake of asking where she got it, because it was not homemade (as in store bought). She said that it was wifetress's old necklace. I didn't ask any more. She wanted me to put it on. I feel like it is choking me.

Abby posted 5/7/2014 16:30 PM

OMG, I am speechless! How utterly horrifying for you, MP! *hugs*

MyVoice posted 5/7/2014 16:52 PM

I'm so sorry and sending big hugs.

I know your daughter is young and it's obvious she has no idea how this would upset you,so of course you want her to feel how much you love the fact she thought of you and what a pretty choice she made, but that doesn't mean you have to play along and wear that thing!

Personally I believe kids are better off knowing more rather than less, they deserve the truth presented in ways they can understand and learn from. I'd sit her down with lots of hugs and kisses and in some way explain it doesn't feel right to wear something that belonged to the wifetress, perhaps you could turn it into a sun catcher or something? Let her know the thought behind the gift means more than the whole world to you but giving you something that belonged to wiftress is just not how relationships work, (unless of course she thinks you guys are best friends or something?)

Obviously kids don't need to see if we have deep dark feeling towards the ow, but I don't believe in the attitude of lets pretend the OW is wonderful with our kids, I really think you have to be true to yourself or your not being true to her.

Again big big hugs that's just horriblexxxxx

nowiknow23 posted 5/7/2014 17:11 PM

Oh honey. ((((((million))))))

absolut posted 5/7/2014 17:33 PM

I think you should put it around a favorite stuffed animal or something like that. (for now)

Maybe sometime in the next few months or so you can explain to your kids something like "her and I aren't friends" or "we don't like each other" and just leave it at that.

Bravenewgirl posted 5/7/2014 17:35 PM

and then punch the stuffed animal in the face when nobody is looking.


caregiver9000 posted 5/7/2014 18:05 PM

9? 11? Old enough to understand. Put it into school girl terms. She has people that she doesn't like or who have been "mean" to her. And how she would feel if a "gift" came from that person by way of a friend.

Help her to make something or write something, color a picture that is all HER (who you of course LOVE) and let her give the necklace back to OW.

I am so sorry. I can imagine the pain.

kiki1 posted 5/7/2014 18:38 PM

ugh, i would do as the others suggest. explain you cant wear it, why and then get rid of it.

im so sorry, thats horrible.


PhoenixRisen posted 5/7/2014 19:07 PM

ditto explain and get rid of it!
(When she is an adult she will remember this and feel awful if you kept it! save her from that!)

Then take her to a store and give her $10 to buy you something... she can feel like a grown up buying something on her own - while you stand an aisle away NOT peeking!

SBB posted 5/7/2014 19:48 PM

((mp)) oh my god. Those fuckers did that on purpose. The cruelty is astonishing. How dare they.

I agree with the pp about age appropriate truth and helping her make or buy something else for you.

My girls are aware I do not like OWUmpteen and that we are not friends.

absolut posted 5/7/2014 20:29 PM

^^^I had the same thought.
I dated a guy with 2 small daughters. For reasons I won't go into, he was too petty to take them to get MD and xmas gifts, I was the one to do that. It is not that hard to take them to a Target with $10 or sit them down with a folded in half piece of construction paper and some markers. (and i never even met him when they were a couple fwiw)

I can't imagine letting a little girl run off with my discarded costume jewelry to give her real mom, while I'm involved with the dad, regardless of how we got involved. That is so incredibly tacky.

Ugh. Brush that dirt off your shoulder honey.

million pieces posted 5/7/2014 21:48 PM

My dd knows wifetress and I are not best friends, but we do communicate and are cordial in public-lots of sport events. I actually communicate with her over my ex, he is still a complete asshole to me. As communication is what is best for the kids, this is how it works best. My kids like her, and I bet my dd loves her. She does most of the parenting as ex is often out of town. It is a pretty shitty situation, but I worked hard with my IC and the family therapist to do what is best for my kids. My son had a lot of issues when his father left. Anyway, this woman takes care of my kids 35 percent of their lives and for now I don't see the need to complicate their feelings towards her. I will never lie to them if they ask though.

And yes, wifetress knew what she was doing when that necklace went to me. I am also not willing to give her the satisfaction that it got to me. Fuck her.

[This message edited by million pieces at 9:50 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)]

Kajem posted 5/7/2014 22:40 PM


I LOVE your attitude about this situation.

Over the next year teach your dd that you LOVE her handcrafted items as gifts. Otherwise I worry this ow gifting will become a tradition.

Now start thinking of what you can send for Father's Day?

Hallmark is smart not to do a stepmothers day?


yewtree posted 5/8/2014 01:10 AM

I'd wear it out of the house tomorrow and "lose" it along the way, then go buy some plants to put in a pot together on Sunday and make a big deal of them growing ... Just like your love for her. Then every year From now on, plant a flower or two on moms day.

He'll no to the necklace.

million pieces posted 5/8/2014 05:35 AM

Now start thinking of what you can send for Father's Day?

OMG!!!! I love this! How about one of my fiance's discarded ties?

About the necklace, I had my eye on a "mothers necklace" a little while ago on Etsy. I think dd and I are going to take a look at that....

abbycadabby posted 5/8/2014 08:22 AM

I'd wear it out of the house tomorrow and "lose" it along the way


(((Million pieces)))

Merlin posted 5/8/2014 09:09 AM

She's 14. Allow the thought to count for something.

The things we do as parents are sometimes not easy.

They're just worth it.

jo2love posted 5/8/2014 11:37 AM


better4me posted 5/8/2014 14:12 PM

((((million pieces)))

I know that whatever you say to your dd, you'll say it with love and concern for her feelings. Ugh, just ugh.

dontknowwhyme posted 5/9/2014 13:56 PM

I am also not willing to give her the satisfaction that it got to me. Fuck her.

That is a great attitude to have.

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