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knockeddown (original poster member #43090) posted at 11:11 PM on Wednesday, May 7th, 2014
Hello all,
I just want to make a PSA. Please, if you haven't done so already, get tested. I was sooo nervous about it and thought that I would for sure find out that I had some soft of STD from my WW. Well.....the results came back NEGATIVE!
Even if they had come back positive, I would have been diligent in my medical care to be able to take care of myself the best I can. Knowledge is power. This is just another way to feel empowered.
So, GET TESTED!
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 11:20 PM on Wednesday, May 7th, 2014
Yes!!
Even if your WS tells you it was "only" an EA...or "just" kissing....even if they tell you they used a condom.
You have just found out your spouse has done the unthinkable. They've cheated. You can not trust your health with someone who has shown blatant disregard for your well being. You owe it to yourself, to your family and friends, to make sure you are physically ok.
I know you want to believe them right now. But you can't. The one thing you can trust is that they have been lying to you. Are they still? Maybe. Maybe not.
You must take care of yourself. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed. this isn't your shame. You didn't do this. The doctors and nurses will be kind and respectful.
Do it. You're worth it.
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Chinadoll30 ( member #43131) posted at 1:36 AM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
I should get my results tomorrow or Friday. I fear for WH's safety if I am positive for anything.
"We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means 'I survived'." -Chris Cleave
Raspberry ( member #42853) posted at 1:40 AM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
I just got my results...all negative too. Thank god. I would have gone nuts on him.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:41 AM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
Yay for negative results, knockeddown and raspberry!
Chinadoll - sending you negative results mojo. ((((hugs))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
krsplat ( member #43242) posted at 1:42 AM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
This was difficult for me, so humiliating, but the good folks here on SI "encouraged" me into it. The relief was huge.
Me & WH: 50+, married 23 years, 4 kids, now D
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Conclusion: Some things are just too broken to be fixed.
Tammy1 ( member #43280) posted at 3:29 AM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
I just got tested today, 4 weeks after d-day. It was awful and embarrassing, but I needed to get it done. I'm just angry that WH seems so certain that OW didn't have any diseases.
BW: 44 (me)
WH: 47 (him)
Married 22 years
3 kids
D-Day: 4/7/14, 11 month LTA
Together
Scubadoo ( member #43079) posted at 4:06 AM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
It took me six months to get the nerve to get tested. Thank God they were negative. Yet, I have to go back in 6 months for follow up HIV. How humiliating is that. The crap I have to go through because my husband could not keep his pecker in his pants.
BS (me) 42
WS (him) 48
OW (downgrade) 48
Married 11 yrs
DS 9
DD 8
D-day 10/27/13
8mth
Furious1 ( member #42970) posted at 12:11 PM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
I agree. Get tested. WH and I had ours done at the same time (same doctor). When I told him that we needed STD tests because WH had numerous affairs and a 3 year A with my sister, he chewed WH out. Gotta love small town doctors. The doctor was really gentle with me with only blood tests, but informed WH that he was going to go through more thorough testing since it wasn't my fault he couldn't keep it in his pants. After some in depth swabbing and blood tests, the doc referred WH for a prostate exam. The doctor that did his prostate exam had the largest hands I have ever seen.
Even with a negative result, I still insist that he wear a condom when (if) we ever have sex again. While I am willing to risk getting my heart broken again, I am not willing to risk my life to do it.
BW (me): 46
2 adult kids
D-day: 10/4/13.
Divorced
JustWow ( member #19636) posted at 12:37 PM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
We both got tested and turns out we both got souvenirs from his excursions in hell - 3 different STI's from his little petri dish of a whore. All treatable, thank goodness, but GET TESTED. Most things can be treated, and early treatment on some of these can make the difference in the long term effects on your health.
BW - Reconciling
edited for typos (I always have to!)
LAFA ( member #31868) posted at 2:53 PM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014
Very good post, knockeddown! The embarrassment is nothing compared to the possible repercussions of ignoring the possibilities of a serious illness if the POS engaged with a diseased skank of either gender. Above all else, be good to you!!!
When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.
Strangefacade ( new member #43394) posted at 3:21 AM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
Yep. I agree.
I am now std positive after 10 years of monogamy.
And my son, 3 months, likely is too. If I had known about the affair earlier, I could have elected to have a csection so my son would not be exposed.
I hate wh today.
I'm strong again. That's the only reason you choose me.
knockeddown (original poster member #43090) posted at 3:45 AM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
((((Strangefacade))))
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with what sounds like the deepest, most gut-wrenching pain imaginable. I have no words to express my empathy for you, just virtual hugs.
(((((Strangefacade)))))
marlie2014 ( member #40981) posted at 3:51 AM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2014
I agree with this. And yes, it is very painful to find out that you have been given a STI. Or two. Or three. Devastating.
Tomorrow I get yet another test, to examine what my treatment options are.
And yet, the STBX doesn't understand why I hate him so much?!?!? Same as the earlier poster -- after all these years of monogamy and marrying him as a virgin, now I have to deal with this.
I suppose I should be happy I don't have HIV.
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild
DDay: 9/2/2013
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!
BuckeyeBlues ( new member #43373) posted at 8:05 PM on Wednesday, May 14th, 2014
I found out about the affair a week ago, and have already been tested for some STD's and HIV. All negative. WH got tested this morning; we'll have his results by Friday. We'll have to go back in 3 months for followup to the HIV testing, and then we would be clear...
Married for 19 years
Me: 44, BW
Him: 53, WH
2 teenagers
D-Day: 5/7/14
Taking it one day at a time...
strongerdaybyday ( member #40264) posted at 8:17 PM on Wednesday, May 14th, 2014
I got tested the day after Dday. Turns out we were both good. But she has Bacterial Vaginosis (she disclosed this to H after she landed on my doorstep to out the affair) and told H he probably gave it to me. A day later I got a facebook message from OW.
“Your an amazing women that deserves better. Who knows who else your H was cheating with. I WAS WATCHING MAURY AND THERE WAS A GIRL ON IT WHOS HUSBAND WAS CHEATING AND SHE ENDED UP HAVING SOMETHING DEADLY.”
And yes. That is EXACTLY how the email was written. I didn’t keep it but I remember it because I thought, “Ugh, what a f*cking moron.”
Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 15 years
3 awesome and beautiful children
OC discovered on Dday - born in 2005
D-Day Summer 2013
working towards D...I can't pretend anymore
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
feelinglost360 ( new member #43419) posted at 1:12 AM on Thursday, May 15th, 2014
Well I just got my test results back.....He did give me something
, thank god it's treatable! But now I know this isn't his 1st time cheating on me cause we haven't had something sex for 3 weeks. I am so pissed off right now!
Me - 36
WBF - 33
Together 23 months - no kids together
DDay 5/10/14 - ONS w/ 2 escorts - threesome
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:18 AM on Thursday, May 15th, 2014
((((feelinglost)))) I'm so sorry, honey.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
knockeddown (original poster member #43090) posted at 1:22 AM on Thursday, May 15th, 2014
Feelinglost360 - I am so sorry to hear that. Thank goodness it's treatable! It is pathetic what they do to us, isn't it? I mean, toss the vows out the window and insert gonorrhea. :(
AttemptStrength ( member #27947) posted at 4:12 PM on Saturday, May 17th, 2014
The FDA in North America is adding better testing for HPV.
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/hpv-dna-test
BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS
I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.
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