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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: Ignoring another few weeks ?
soosorrymom
♀ 24046
Member # 24046
Stop  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have tried to ignore BH behavior of texting OW while we are in house separated the last few weeks. medication has helped me and I am working on myself . I tried not to go out of my way for him but really didn't succeed . Found myself still doing everything in house while he studies and texts away.

My question is this . The next 2/3 weeks we have a lot of functions/events coming up that involve kids. I want things to be pleasant and not have tension
June will be 6 months that he requested for separation so I was going to confront him then and say what do you want to do? R or D ? But I'm finding it harder and harder to ignore .
So do I suck it up and keep the peace for 2 more weeks or confront him?

[This message edited by soosorrymom at 9:52 AM, May 8th (Thursday)]


me- FWS 40
Him- FBS 42
Married 13 years together 22years
2 amazing kids 12 & 8
DDay May 2008

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2009
tired girl
♀ 28053
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At this point, what do YOU want to do? Do you want to R with someone that is actively cheating on you?

You can have a discussion with him now or in 2 weeks, but maybe the decision is really in your hands at this point and not his.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5156 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
soosorrymom
♀ 24046
Member # 24046
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was hoping to R but at this point I'm not sure . We were supposed to be taking this time to work on ourselves .'i am doing that but he has not . Well he thinks texting OW is working on himself .
I tried putting up a wall and ignoring but very hard when in same house . I don't like that it's ok for me to do everything and he can sit back and take advantage . We still have a house to run . :


me- FWS 40
Him- FBS 42
Married 13 years together 22years
2 amazing kids 12 & 8
DDay May 2008

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2009
tired girl
♀ 28053
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He can only do to YOU what you allow. Set your boundaries and figure out what you want in YOUR life from this point forward. If he is making it clear that this is what he is going to do, then you are going to have to move forward with your boundaries intact. Just because he is doing this doesn't mean you have to accept it.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5156 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
splitintwo
♀ 42951
Member # 42951
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I'd keep the peace for two weeks, at least in terms of ultimatums & dealing with the relationship with the OW. All of this is bound to be stressful enough on the kids; there's no reason to make that worse.

I'd also specifically request household help, as he should be doing his share regardless. But I'd do it in a "Will you take over with XYZ for now while I focus on ABC?" way instead of how I'd handle it if I knew we were going to R & had to have a serious discussion on division of labor.


BH: 42
WW: 37
LTA ended Jan. 1, 2014; NC started in April.
Married 17 years.
No DDay; this, like all of life's decisions, is a work in progress.

My best thinking brought me to SI.


Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2014
soosorrymom
♀ 24046
Member # 24046
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to keep peace for next few weeks . That was plan and I have tried to ignore him and just focus on me.
Last night just really got to me . I went out of my way to make sure he had what he needed and he repays me by having a 4hr textathon . It's just unfair .
I did me Yoon last night I need him to mow lawn he tried passing that back on me and I nicely explained I can't do everything he has to help .


me- FWS 40
Him- FBS 42
Married 13 years together 22years
2 amazing kids 12 & 8
DDay May 2008

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2009
Topic Posts: 6

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