I don't come here often anymore. With my mom being ill and everything in my life, I just don't have time.
But...for almost 2 years, this was my life line, so I felt the need to come back and give hope to those out there.
What does my life look like 2.5 years out?
FWH - he is still giving 100%. He doesn't hide anything (that I know of), he shows his phone etc, is totally open, he actually calls me if he forgets a password. FWH actually initiated going to therapy for himself to help him deal with a few things in himself he's not happy with (not A related, but more parenting/relationship related). This for him is a HUGE step.
Me - I'm at peace with the infidelity, finally. I still think about it.. maybe few days or a few times a week. When I drive to an area where I know one of the OW lives, it comes to mind. But every day it gets easier, better and further and further away. I have not forgiven (never will I think), but I accept it. I still don't put anything past my FWH, but I don't obsess over anything. Check email, FB etc every once in a while just cause. I have my deal breakers firmly in place, and we talk about things if I feel like it, which is actually hardly ever.
The M - We are happy with normal ups and downs, we love each other very much, we laugh and have fun and keep working on us.
I wanted to post today because I was driving out to see my Mom and it's an area where OW lives and I tend to think about stuff when I see reminders. Today, I realized I thought about it, but I didn't have ANY pain associated. You know that physical pain you get? I had the same feelings as if I was thinking about what to eat for dinner. It meant nothing to me. It is a slow process, but to not HURT anymore at all to me is a huge milestone. I remember coming here wondering when the pain will STOP. Well, it did. I went back to my old posts and about 1.5 years ago I said it's a pain you have to live with. So today, with the realization there was no pain, no feelings, I couldn't believe it.
I was one of those who never believed it would take ME 2-5 years. I thought forget that.
But, that's really what it takes (if you do the work). And, it's not impossible to get 2 years out .... 'cause it's not all of a sudden. Every day gets better. Every day gets one step further from the pain.
I don't consider myself fully healed. I think that will come in probably another while, but I'm pretty content where I am now. Not because of my FWH, not because of our M, but just me. Even without my FWH I am content with me and where I am.
Anyway, still work to do, but I always looked for positive posts when I was hurting to see if it's even worth it to keep trying...so here is my post for anyone looking for that sign. It's worth working on YOU and if your FWH is working on HIM, then it's worth working on the M.