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Newest Member: wonkeddev

Wayward Side :
Spring Cleaning...

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 SurprisinglyOkay (original poster member #36684) posted at 7:28 PM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014

So I've been stuck.

For a while now, I stopped posting here, I read everyday, but hardly ever respond... even stopped with SPF!

I put down NJF, I slowed in my step work, my IC is not super productive.

Not moving forward, standing still.

I found myself withdrawing from AFK, not purposely.

Wanting to move but being unable.

Stuck.

I ran into a question recently,in my stepwork, about a vision of ourselves, who do I want to be? What assets do I want to carry forth into my life, how would my life look without my destructive character defects.

I've been putting off answering.

Because I'm afraid. I have some vague unfounded fear holding me, fear of failure and fear of vulnerability, fear of the future, fear fear fear.

So I busted out my journal this morning and did a TON of writing. I dumped a head full on those pages. I've never written so much in one sitting.

I answered those questions that I've been rolling around in my head and the answers are beautiful. (oh boy here come the tears)

Beautiful and wonderful and the thing is I already have so much of the attributes I want. I've left behind so many that I don't.

It was one of those cathartic mornings starting in the shower, thru my writing, with a brief interlude running Mr. I won't blow my nose so I cough a lot, to the doctor (he's fine). I picked up NJF.

I feel like I did some spring cleaning in my head.

I feel light and air flowing through there.

I have come so far and I have to remember that my work on me will never be done.

FWS me 38 (recovering addict)
BS him 41 AFrayedKnot
Together 10 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"

posts: 1168   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: 221B
id 6790875
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authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 8:20 PM on Thursday, May 8th, 2014

Hi Surprisinglyokay! Good to see you.

I'm glad you dusted off what needed dusting off and are feeling lighter again.

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

posts: 55165   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2007
id 6790979
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Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 1:39 AM on Friday, May 9th, 2014

One step at a time. Keep it up.

[This message edited by Aubrie at 7:39 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

posts: 7926   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2011
id 6791453
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 1:53 AM on Friday, May 9th, 2014

(((SO)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6791468
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