She had deleted all correspondence related to the setting up of the account.
^^^It appears that she was secretly setting up that account. She deleted all traces of it and she never informed you.
She advised that if she was really trying to set up a secret account she would have fully deleted all correspondence related to the account by emptying her E-Mail trash.
Or, maybe she just forgot to delete the E-mail trash.
No, I do not believe that you are over reacting. She was setting an account up for a reason, did it secretively, and then got defensive and defiant when confronted.
One thing is certain, she is not being 100% transparent. Transparency is essential for successful R.
ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.