SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

IslandGirl18 posted 5/8/2014 21:45 PM

Does anyone wear their wedding rings still? I took mine off in October but still feel naked with out them. I do miss my husband. The one I married. Not the guy I divorced. But my rings. I love my rings. They represent a time in my life where I felt so loved. Like never before. And I know it's not like that anymore, but the rings remind me of that feeling and how I feel about honor and commitment. I don't want to sell them. I don't want to wear them because of him. I want to wear them because of the way I honor and respect relationships. And they remind me that I did feel loved once.
I'm considering wearing them on my right hand. Not yet. Maybe in time.
What have you done with your rings? Does anyone still wear them?

sadcountryboy posted 5/8/2014 21:51 PM

Nope. Took it off on D-day. Bounced it on the coffee table like I was back in college playing quarters. She ran and grabbed it. Will not wear that band again. If somehow she comes out of unicornfartland and really tries, I might (might) consider continuing with her. But I will never wear that band again. It's tainted. It's dirty. It has no meaning. It represents betrayal and the unforgivable act. No way. Not in my life

Gemini71 posted 5/8/2014 21:57 PM

On D-Day #2 I took off my ring. I continued to wear if for a while, but then I went out and got a replacement. I bought stackable birthstone rings for my kids.

Now I'm 9 months out, and I hardly wear either set of rings. I find that I like washing my hands and putting on lotion without having to take rings on and off. But when I do feel the need for jewelry, I wear my kids' birthstone rings.

dmari posted 5/8/2014 22:00 PM

Rarely wore mine anyways before dday and sold it soon after dday because the ring represented commitment/loyalty/fidelity and that no longer applied. I used the money I got from selling it and took the kids out for dinner and bought I few things for myself. I haven't regretted it.

StillLivin posted 5/8/2014 22:24 PM

I love my rings too. He didn't buy them or help me pick them out, so it isn't quite the same thing for me.
I took them off in early September. I was looking at them the other day. I think if I have them melted into one ring, they are simple enough that I could get away with wearing them on my right hand. After the weight loss, would fit best on my middle or index finger anyway.
I'll wait until after the D is final though.
Maybe you can get them melted together to make one ring, or you can alter the design a little bit.

SBB posted 5/8/2014 22:51 PM

It's tainted. It's dirty. It has no meaning. It represents betrayal and the unforgivable act. No way. Not in my life.

Exactly how I felt. It was like a manifestation of every awful thing he ever did to me.

I threw mine down a big hill 10 minutes after DD. The sad clown wore his for several weeks.

I didn't want an engagement ring so got earrings instead. I wore them virtually every day. I've misplaced them now but I will sell them and donate the money to a woman's shelter.

I used to touch my wedding ring a lot. It gave me comfort. I used to be so damn proud to be his wife. Yuck.

It felt very strange to not have it on. Like any new habit it took time to get used to.

I couldn't stand to have the ring sitting in a box as a reminder forever so if mine were precious I would melt them into a new ring to wear on my right hand.

I have an unrelated ring I wear on my right hand. I touch it a lot now and I'm so damn proud to be free of him. It reminds me that I am mine again.

miadianna posted 5/8/2014 23:05 PM

I think I had a sign. I fell on the ground while running one night and bent my setting on my engagement ring I was wearing with my wedding ring. It's not fixable. The stone was fine but the ring is bent. I had D-day soon afterwards, someone or something was trying to tell me something. I never wore it after that.

Rainbows posted 5/8/2014 23:06 PM

I took mine off on dday (and our anniversary). I loved my ring and miss wearing it.

He also gave me a beautiful ring for our anniversary last year that I've never worn.

Since my ring finger felt naked, I bought myself a ring that I'll move to my right hand when the D is final.

Eta: I put my rings in a safe deposit box and haven't looked at them in a few months. It was too triggering to keep seeing them.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 11:08 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]

ThrownAwayTwice posted 5/8/2014 23:22 PM

I still feel naked without any rings at all, and the callus bothers me, so I wear a ring on my middle finger. it stops that feeling, but doesn't have that association. when I am really really sad, I wear his grandmothers wedding band, on my right hand. She was so strong, and it helps me feel stronger. I tried to give them back, but my MIL talked me into keeping both sets of rings. I have no idea what I am going to do with them.

No12turn2 posted 5/8/2014 23:33 PM

Yep. Phantom ring syndrome. It took a few months for that to go away. I still catch myself moving my thumb to my ring finger to spin the band that is no longer there. Took mine off when she threw hers at me

Chickie posted 5/9/2014 00:11 AM

I have two wedding bands - the actual ring with diamonds in it that I was discouraged from wearing to my last job (too showy) and the (ironically more expensive) plain gold band I bought to wear as a place-holder.

I can't bring myself to wear the ring proper, but I have to put on the place-holder ring every day for work. It will be a relief when I don't have to wear it anymore.

Nature_Girl posted 5/9/2014 00:47 AM

I haven't worn my ring since he told me it didn't stand for anything many years ago. Recently I went with a friend to sell my ring to a jeweler. Turns out I can't even sell the diamond because it's not 1 ct or bigger, and the gold isn't enough to make it worth taking apart to sell for individual stones.

No replacement ring for me. No jewelry. I'm good without it.

IronRider posted 5/9/2014 06:32 AM

Threw mine in the trash during a difficult evening during one of many false R's. Although asked to retrieve them (supposedly she wanted to continue in R), DS had actually taken trash out when he was supposed to and trash was picked up by then. Wouldn't have bothered at this point anyhow. No regrets.

GreatRoleModel posted 5/9/2014 07:01 AM

Took mine after we told kids and I'm selling the gold and will use the stones to make a pair of earrings for one DD (sapphires) and use the diamond to make a necklace for other DD. All other jewelry he bought me is being sold on consignment right now. Funny thing is as I gathered all the jewelery none of it was my style but what he wanted my style to be...flashy so not me!

Pass posted 5/9/2014 10:01 AM

It's tainted. It's dirty. It has no meaning. It represents betrayal and the unforgivable act. No way. Not in my life.

Yep, I took mine off on DDay. Put it back on three days later, for three months of false reconciliation, then took it off again after I told her we were done.

A couple months after that, I sold the fucker, and used the money to partially fund a new banjo I wanted. The banjo brings me WAY more joy than she ever did.

deena posted 5/9/2014 10:14 AM

Mine are off since D-Day. I can't bear to wear them.

omgnome posted 5/9/2014 11:12 AM

My wedding ring is at the bottom of a lake. No fancy story of throwing it away in a rage, I was out on the lake with my wife and son and we were coming into the dock, I went to turn the boat hard with the outboard motor to come into the dock and at the end of the turn the ring just flew off my finger. I spent about an hour in 10 feet deep murky water with my brother trying to retrieve it while my wife sat by in tears. I don't think she ever forgave me for losing it. Less than a month later I would have DDay #2, and a month or two off of that discover that I had barely touched the surface of DDay#1.

I did really like the ring, I'm not a jewelry person at all, but this was a really neat carbon fiber and ceramic ring. It was lightweight, looked nice, and was really just the perfect ring. It was a cheap ring too, but it's the sentiment behind it that matters. I ended up finding a replacement online for $25 (paid $100 at the jewelry store for the original). I wore the replacement for over a year (the original was lost after about 9 months of being married). After I separated from my wife I wore it less and less eventually just putting it on for when I would be around her. The last time I wore it was the day that I told her I wanted a divorce. After I left that counseling session I took it off and put it in the change holder of my car. About a week ago I transferred that car to her parent and emptied out the car. I think it's sitting in a box somewhere who knows. If it fell out and was lost it wouldn't bother me, what it stood for is long dead and gone. The symbol it stood for (the love and care of my wife for me) was really only pure for a week or so after our marriage anyways.

The real shame I think about it is going to be trying to find a new ring if I get married. The one I had was really the perfect ring for me. I'm sure when/if the time comes I'll find something right.

Sad in AZ posted 5/9/2014 17:27 PM

I still have my engagement ring I plan to sell when I meet someone fabulous to pay for my part of our trip to Hawaii...

Seriously, I don't know what I'll do with it. Not saving it to give to DGS for his future bride, as it's tainted. I sold the cheap band we used when we got married. I paid for it. It only cost $27 (the jeweler was a friend of my grandmother.)

I still have the southwestern style band we bought when the X decided he finally wanted a wedding ring (this was 20+ years after we married.) I like it and it has no real meaning. Never used in a ceremony. Not given as a gift. I bought mine, and he bought his. I wear it from time to time as a right hand ring.

After the betrayal, I bought myself a plain silver band that reads, "To thine ownself be true" and used it as my 'unwedding ring' because I took off all of the previously mentioned jewelry. I still wear that most of the time.

butterfly13 posted 5/10/2014 07:43 AM

Had to chime in here cause thus is just too good. Took mine off on Dday straight away. Confiscated WH's vile ring; he said he never took it off during his LTA, and often tapped it on table in front of AP to remind her that he was committed to his wife (?!?!?) and their relationship was never going to be anything more than physical. How fucked up and disgusting is that! !!

SBB posted 5/10/2014 08:33 AM

^^ yep - one of my questions was did you wear your ring while fucking her?

He looked at me aghast. "OF COURSE I DID!!"... I asked "Why?" and he responded because... wait for it.... "taking it off would have felt wrong."

I may have misheard our vows but I'm pretty sure they didn't say it was OK to fuck any whore you like but just keep your ring on. Fuckwit - I should have asked if he wore it as a cock ring.

I can laugh about the absurdity of it now - it was just as absurd back then but not quite as funny.