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I don't understand this

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16forever posted 5/9/2014 00:22 AM

Last weekend we got in a fight and when he finely made after he crushed me by saying the d word just throwing it out there during the fight. I didn't want to discuss they way he acted around my DD boyfriend I said not now.He said so are we just divorced now .I don't understand why he said that I don't know if he is going threw stuff

Anyway he saw his old self coming out during the fight and said sorry then he said something I don't understand I thought someone could explain he said I treated u badly all those years because when I started working out side the home he thought I would find someone who treated me better and leave him.......
Little did I know he was playing with hookers during those years that only came out after he meet OP .

But wouldn't u treat Them super special and good if u worried about losing them. I WAS WORRIED he would leave me and I treated him like he was air never cheated never left like he did .

Is this a cover up for selfishness .I don't know it just doesn't sound right anyone have there H tell them this was the reason they were mistreated (of course this was before I knew about all the 10 A plus the op)

heartbrokeninaz posted 5/9/2014 00:38 AM

I may not be the best advice on this right now but, I could not tolerate being cheated on more then once. It is a deal breaker for me. He sounds like he is trying to make you to make that divorce decision so he can be the poor me guy. He want's you to do it so he still looks like the good guy. You need to ask him to make a decision. That you are not going to do it for him. If he can't take it then to bad. I feel for you. This is the worst place any of us could find ourselves. Life is cruel sometimes. Just know you are a good person and you deserve to be treated as one.

authenticnow posted 5/9/2014 05:43 AM

I treated u badly all those years because when I started working out side the home he thought I would find someone who treated me better and leave him.......
So he was treating you badly and worrying about you leaving him so instead of working on treating you better and figuring out why he was treating you like shit, he went out and cheated???

He is blowing smoke up your ass, sweetie.

I'm sorry, but what has he done to show you that he is any different now than when he was cheating???

16forever posted 5/9/2014 12:16 PM

He has made changes some small working on his temper.We are 2yrs out from d day some of the changes were more rite after he came home after living with op some of those changes have come and gone .Now he is still kinda selfish I want above and beyond treatment if u know what I mean do anything to make me happy treatment don't get that and maybe some of that is I see how my DD boyfriend treats her I know young love is not the same as a almost 20 year marriage but those have been together 2yrs and there isnt anything he would do for her I mean valentines day he went all out for her and v- day for us is kinda a yucky day thats the day he came home when he left the first time .I did get flowers and candy I guess I was looking for more .....anyway off topic I guess I was concerned why he would use that as a excuse for mistreatment does it sound like he has issues to figure out why he was that way we only had 2 session's of MC after d day

Rebreather posted 5/9/2014 12:41 PM

Some people feel unworthy and undeserving of anything good in their lives, and they do everything they can to make sure that comes true. If that was your husband's issue, I strongly suggest he get counseling to deal with the issues, otherwise it won't just go away.

There are a library of internal reasons people hurt the ones they love. But it is the responsbility of each individual to figure out what their own issues are and treat them to become safe, whole people.

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