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LivingLearning posted 5/9/2014 10:47 AM

A communication must! Wbf and I went over different scenarios last night. Like, what to do if a person I am uncomfortable with was at an event, or saw her at the grocery store. This lead to talking about the AP and what to do if he or we ever run into her. I feel like we accomplished a lot talking about it all and my anxiety has tremendously lowered. My Wbf was great, as he reiterated how he wants to make me feel safe again. I think the conversation helped both of us, as he has a lot of anxiety over the chances of running into her as well and we now feel better prepared (even though it will still be very stressful).

We discussed how if you ever see her, to quietly say to the other that she has been spotted, to hold onto each other's hand tightly and make a quick exit. It is important for us to stick to each other if it ever happens. We discussed what to do if a friend of ours or a stranger hits on either one of us, among many other scenarios.

So a word of advice, taken from SisterMilkshake, go over scenarios! I feel much better prepared in the case of an emergency, such as coming around the corner to find AP standing there. When you discuss what to do, the chances of you freaking or doing the wrong thing are much less. So prepare! To me, it is a large part of better understanding boundaries... understanding what to do when/if they get crossed.

[This message edited by LivingLearning at 10:48 AM, May 9th (Friday)]

Rebreather posted 5/9/2014 12:04 PM

Good job!

We also found planning ahead for all sorts of scenarios was very healing.

RipsInMyChest posted 5/9/2014 12:10 PM

Sounds great! My H and I have some work to do this weekend!

Thanks for sharing!

Branca posted 5/9/2014 13:45 PM

Yes, this is helpful! Thank you.

LA44 posted 5/9/2014 13:52 PM

Good to talk and be prepared LL! I feel so much for the couple (esp. the BS) who may run into the AP (ours is a plane ride away). There have been a few posts about this kind of thing recently.

What I do know is that it is also really impt. for the WS to be prepared for any boundary moment when flying solo. I now know from experience that boundaries do not change over night, esp. when the behaviour is long-ingrained. We had a couple boundary moments yesterday and have since spoken about them in a calm and rational way.

Keep up the good work LL!

LivingLearning posted 5/9/2014 14:08 PM

Ha! I just posted on your thread LA!

We did discuss what we should do when the other person isn't there also, but we probably didn't focus on it as much as should have. Your thread brought more scenarios to talk about, so thank you! We are also interested in making sure walls and windows are in the right spot.