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LivingLearning (original poster member #42637) posted at 4:47 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
A communication must! Wbf and I went over different scenarios last night. Like, what to do if a person I am uncomfortable with was at an event, or saw her at the grocery store. This lead to talking about the AP and what to do if he or we ever run into her. I feel like we accomplished a lot talking about it all and my anxiety has tremendously lowered. My Wbf was great, as he reiterated how he wants to make me feel safe again. I think the conversation helped both of us, as he has a lot of anxiety over the chances of running into her as well and we now feel better prepared (even though it will still be very stressful).
We discussed how if you ever see her, to quietly say to the other that she has been spotted, to hold onto each other's hand tightly and make a quick exit. It is important for us to stick to each other if it ever happens. We discussed what to do if a friend of ours or a stranger hits on either one of us, among many other scenarios.
So a word of advice, taken from SisterMilkshake, go over scenarios! I feel much better prepared in the case of an emergency, such as coming around the corner to find AP standing there. When you discuss what to do, the chances of you freaking or doing the wrong thing are much less. So prepare! To me, it is a large part of better understanding boundaries... understanding what to do when/if they get crossed.
[This message edited by LivingLearning at 10:48 AM, May 9th (Friday)]
Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 6:04 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Good job!
We also found planning ahead for all sorts of scenarios was very healing.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
RipsInMyChest ( member #41166) posted at 6:10 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Sounds great! My H and I have some work to do this weekend!
Thanks for sharing! 
Me: BW 43 (39 at DDay 1)
FWH 43 (39 at DDay 1) (RibsInHerChest)
Together 23 yrs, M 20, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Massive TT due to poly: 1/4/2015 full blown EA/3 week PA
Didn't use condom, I got chlamydia.
Reconciling
Branca ( member #42837) posted at 7:45 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Yes, this is helpful! Thank you.
Me: BW, 39
Him: WH, 39
Married 15 years
2 children aged 11 and 8
DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - A lack of boundaries for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 7:52 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Good to talk and be prepared LL! I feel so much for the couple (esp. the BS) who may run into the AP (ours is a plane ride away). There have been a few posts about this kind of thing recently.
What I do know is that it is also really impt. for the WS to be prepared for any boundary moment when flying solo. I now know from experience that boundaries do not change over night, esp. when the behaviour is long-ingrained. We had a couple boundary moments yesterday and have since spoken about them in a calm and rational way.
Keep up the good work LL!
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
LivingLearning (original poster member #42637) posted at 8:08 PM on Friday, May 9th, 2014
Ha! I just posted on your thread LA!
We did discuss what we should do when the other person isn't there also, but we probably didn't focus on it as much as should have. Your thread brought more scenarios to talk about, so thank you! We are also interested in making sure walls and windows are in the right spot.
Living and learning how to move forward
Me: BGf
Him: WBf
Dday: 02/2013
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