"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit."
I didn't see a stop sign, so as a BS, I will say you seem to have major boundary and external validation issues. Both of these things are very apparent in your story by you telling opposite sex co workers your relationship business and seeking their validation. I'm one of those people who don't really believe in opposite sex friends, so this really is a no no for me.
You can cry and plead with your BH as much as you want but that sobbing and crying are words. You eventually have to pick yourself up and show ACTION!
Take the initiative to fight for your marriage. You're off to a good start! Some Waywards don't even care enough to google help, like you did.
Some things you need right now are:
TRANSPARENCY - complete honesty in EVERYTHING. Being completely transparent about the past, where you are, where your going, what on your phone, who you are emailing, passwords etc.
SELF WORK AND INTROSPECTION - You really need to put in the work to find out why you have these issues that made you cheat (because it's all on you and has nothing to do with your relationship), to fix them so you can be a safe partner in the future. IC is a huge help, and if you work hard in this MC can come later.
COMPASSION EMPATHY AND REMORSE - Dont just feel regret for what you did, feel deep remorse. Acknowledge his feelings, affirm them, apologize with in depth apologies (not just "im sorry" but "im sorry that I betrayed your trust in me and took advantage of you" and "I'm sorry that I only thought about me and not us" etc. Also, no running when things get emotionally hard.
HARDWORK - Infidelity takes 2-5 years to heal from. And for a long part of that YOU need to be carrying all the weight of the relationship and giving it your everything to make him want to R with you. Are you still in?
There are some awesome books that are constantly recommended on SI that are really helpful. How to Help your Spouse Heal from an Affair and Not Just friends
The healing library has some really good resources to help you get a bigger picture on what you did to your relationship and what is happening right.
And finally, I'm not going to give you any false hopes or platitudes.
In the end, no matter if you do everything right, it may not change anything. Your husband may still leave you. You're actions may have destroyed the relationship for good...but then again, it may not have, but the only way to find out is give fixing this 200%, and show your husband you really are remorseful and you REALLY want this.
But even if your relationship doesn't work out, you need to fix yourself for yourself first and foremost so you can live your life with honesty & integrity. Then for your kids because having a healthy and present mother is an amazing gift to your children, and lastly any future relationships you may have.
Here one more thing Reconciliation thrives off of
APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE - If you get a shot at R, you need to understand that him staying and wanting to work on the relationship is a gift...not something to be taken for granted. Appreciate it. Express it, verbally, physically, and emotionally.
"If you think the grass is greener, you're welcome to take a hike"
R: one foot in, and one foot out