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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: OM wins...I'm done.
SWAT70
♂ 42915
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it's over. I was a fool and now I know. WW got caught with OM today. She doesn't even know I'm aware of it yet.

You all were right I'm a soft touch. Wanted to be hard and take time for myself, but I couldn't do it. I had actually caved in and bought WW a ticket to go to DC with me. Asked the in laws to watch the kids and called my buddy and told him I wouldn't be making it out west.

I wanted to surprise her and came right home after the academy graduation. Got home and no wife. Texted her asking her where she was. She says I'm at home cleaning. I replied ok talk to you later. Check her email and POS had sent 10 emails since I left last night. All of them where answered by WW and she agreed to meet with him at a bar this afternoon. Took a picture of me standing in our family room right next to her computer. Saved everything and drove to be bar. Yep there is her nice brand new SUV I bought her parked next to his car. Look inside and they are at a table. So I took pictures of the cars and them together and left. She has no idea I was even there.

I've saved it all and am sending her copies as soon as this post is done. I've contacted my attorney and made arrangements for divorce. I'm a fool and I'm done. He can have her. I'll be leaving my house later and I don't know if I'll ever be back. God I'm an idiot.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.
Divorced


Posts: 341 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am shocked. I am so sorry. (((((SWAT70)))))

You Are Not A Fool. When children are involved I believe we owe it to them to give it a try. You did, be proud. Your WW is the FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops! duplicate post

I wouldn't be so hasty to leave your home. Check with an attorney first. It could be considered abandonment, I think I read, in some states. Be cautious, please don't act hastily. However, you have shown great restraint. I don't think I would have/could have. They would probably have to call the SWAT team on me.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 4:21 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you're not a fool brother. she is.

sending strength.

ETA why in the heck are you the one leaving? kick her ass out.

[This message edited by 5454real at 4:20 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3304 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You aren't a fool or an idiot because you expect honesty and integrity. She's a liar and a cheat because she didn't give them.

This sucks however it goes. Have a plan for when she comes home or tries to bomb your phone with texts and calls. Talk to your lawyer before moving out or making any major decisions.

Good luck. Sorry she failed.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7635 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
shiloe
♀ 1224
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT70 I am so sorry you have to experience the incredible hurt again. I know there is nothing I can say to take even a speck of the hurt away.

I would suggest you go NC with her for now. At least as long as you can to get a grip.

Be prepared for lying, justifications and blame.

Stay tough, you and your kids deserve better, don't forget that.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 661 | Registered: Mar 2003
SWAT70
♂ 42915
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My plan is this. I sent her and the in laws an email with everything attached. Her now invalid plane ticket along with the divorce papers I signed are sitting on the kitchen counter. My attorney knows and will be contacting family court first thing Monday morning. I've taken almost all of the money from the bank and placed it into my savings account, which she is not allowed access to. I'm turning of her cell phone and Internet. I'll be leaving soon and I don't ever want to see her again. I've got nothing left I don't care what happens anymore. My kids will be fine I've made sure of that.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.
Divorced


Posts: 341 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
SWAT70
♂ 42915
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you each and everyone of you. You have tried to help me and I appreciate that. Never really had a lot of support in my life other than in laws. That's now gone. I can't face anyone anymore.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.
Divorced


Posts: 341 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
annb
♀ 22386
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just be sure to LISTEN to your lawyer.

I'm so sorry, I really thought there was hope for your marriage, esp. after the run-in with the OM.

Have you been posting in the Betrayed Men's thread in the I Can Relate forum? If not, seek their counsel and vent.

The most important thing now is your children. They NEED their dad to be the stable parent, they don't deserve any of this. Your wife is not making them a priority, it is still all about her. Focus on you and those precious kids.

Praying for peace and strength...you WILL MAKE it, all of us have survived, maybe a bit scarred and bruised, but still pushing forward the best we can.

[This message edited by annb at 4:32 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 7664 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT70 you are scaring me. Please post more. What are you planning? What do you mean?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
annb
♀ 22386
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT, stay with us, now I'm worried as well!

Don't let your pride cloud your judgment!

You can PM the MODS, they will help you one on one if you need to talk!

[This message edited by annb at 4:34 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 7664 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
NoReGrets
♀ 37902
Member # 37902
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, SWAT. I know I and many others here were rooting for you.

*hugs*


Posts: 140 | Registered: Dec 2012
frankier
♂ 33901
Member # 33901
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWAT... do not leave your house... have her leaving the house... she can go to her parents.

I predict a lot of drama coming your way.

Please, stay with us.

[This message edited by frankier at 4:36 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


Me BS 48
Her WS 39
DDay 7/5/10 1/yr EA/PA
DS1 12 DS2 8

Posts: 128 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: ChiLand
SWAT70
♂ 42915
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry if I freaked you all out. I'm not suicidal. I'm just empty I've hot nothing left to give. I survived wartime in the military and I've spent alot of time on the streets. I have a lot to live for but my marriage is over.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.
Divorced


Posts: 341 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey SWAT, I'm so sorry you had to find out this way. So very many us of on this board have gone through horrible things and all made it out ok. It takes time, and it takes effort, but it is worth it. Whether we have reconciled or divorced, we've survived. You will too.

Stay with us here today, we've got your back and we'll help you get through.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6693 | Registered: Jan 2011
Didact
♂ 42867
Member # 42867
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear that Swat.

I don't have advice, our ddays are so close, but I kind of saw you as part of my "class" of newbs here at SI.

I'm hoping for nothing but the best for you. You have a lot to offer someone, and there is someone better out there.


No matter how painful, life either adapts or it dies.

BH (Me) 49
WW 48
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R


Posts: 270 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: PNW
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, that is understandable to feel empty right now. Please know that you won't feel that way always, I promise!

And, btw, they didn't win. They are losers. You are the prize. Don't forget that.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Adeahan
♂ 43005
Member # 43005
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shit shit shit, i am so sorry man. IMO she should be the one leaving, not you, that is YOUR house and your kids, do you have people that can be with you or help you with the kids? your WW chose this not you, you have to do whats best for you and your 3 kids, this was something i had to come to terms with as well, you are a strong man (i know it doesnt feel like it right now) but you are, your kids will give you strength, us your love for them as your crutch right now, you cant leave them with someone like that, we are here for you man, anything you need that we can do, here and on the betrayed mens forum.


Me 33, H 31,D-Day 03/30/14, Together 12 years, married 2, 3 kids, 3 dogs, Working on R
"nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it aint about how hard you hit. Its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"

Posts: 138 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario, Canada
SWAT70
♂ 42915
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey can anyone give me a ride to the airport? I'm thinking the in laws aren't gonna want to do it.

Fuck her. She and douche canoe can rot for all I care. I'm going to DC and she can fucking fall of the face of the earth.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.
Divorced


Posts: 341 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
meplusfour
♀ 38958
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((SWAT70)) Hold your head high. You have conducted yourself in an exemplary fashion. You were compassionate and gave a second chance to someone who did not deserve one. Take care of yourself and your three beautiful children.

Sending you grace, dignity and strength.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 399 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
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