"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

persevere posted 5/9/2014 23:52 PM

My SO and I met in the fall of '12 and started dating, but it was only five months after his D was final, and we broke up 8 months later for six months because he wasn't ready. We started dating again in the fall of '13 and have been going strong since, however, I hadn't met his children. I wasn't in a hurry, but we finally did that tonight, and it went pretty well.

He has twin girls, who turned 10 yesterday, and a son who is about to turn 14. We went bowling and played air hockey, and went through a laser room, and it was fun. I'm in no rush, but I'm pleased that it went well. SO was pleased because he now feels like he no longer has to feel like he's living a double life - one with the kids, and one separately with me. (They have 50/50 custody - week on/ week off). It will still be a gradual thing - again no need to rush, but I'm glad we now know each other.

It's been a good week.

MovingUpward posted 5/10/2014 00:44 AM

Yay!!!!

Amazonia posted 5/10/2014 03:48 AM

Glad it went well!! And glad things are going so well between you and SO!

cmego posted 5/10/2014 06:19 AM

Awesome!!

So…how did the kids act/react?

Kajem posted 5/10/2014 07:50 AM

Yay!!!!!

persevere posted 5/10/2014 09:50 AM

So…how did the kids act/react?

They seemed to react well. I'm fairly good with talking to kids, the girls were easy, at least for a first meeting. The 14 yr old boy seemed a little hesitant at first, and I respected his space, but he loosened up as the evening progressed.

They are good kids, clearly close to each other and their dad. SO interacts well with his kids, very involved. Lots of high fives between everyone during bowling, etc. And I told them how kind they were to not give me a hard time about my horrible bowling skill...lol.

Then we took turns in the lazer maze and after that I played air hockey with one of the girls, while SO and the other two played pool.

My kids are 19 and 21 and now out of the house for most of the year, so it was nice to be around younger kids. I miss it. (My son drove in last night for the weekend, and it feels so nice just to have him in the house).

We'll take it gradually, they don't need an instant constant persevere presence...lol....but it's nice we can now plan occasional times to get together during his weeks with the kids.

TrustedHer posted 5/10/2014 11:19 AM

It sounds to me like you're doing it exactly right.

Wait several months, then meet at a neutral location, then take it slow.

If you're looking at sticking with this long term, are you prepared to deal with (step) parenting 3 more kids through their teenage years?

I don't think I'd be up to that. But then, I'm older.

Get off my lawn!

persevere posted 5/10/2014 11:33 AM

If you're looking at sticking with this long term, are you prepared to deal with (step) parenting 3 more kids through their teenage years?

We'll go down that road when we come to it, lol, but, yes, twin girls about to hit tween then teen years has crossed my mind.

Since they have a 50/50 custody situation, SO and his XW coparent fairly well together and interact often. I think that's great for the kids, but not a dynamic I've ever dealt with, so I'm a little nervous about that. But, again, we're not rushing anything.