I have to chime in here cuz I SO understand.
First, the thinking everyone is their slave, not using manners, being selfish, etc.
That is all in your control. You come out being the "bad guy" & it is exhausting but you just have to stick to your guns & show them the way. (repeatedly) When they complain about a chore, give them another one & when they continue complaining, another, & so on.
Take the cords to Xboxs, TV's, etc. (this works wonders when you take away their "world" & be consistant with it)
Or you can use the guilt trip....."oh, OK, I see now what kind of a son you are. You would rather just sit on your tush & watch your Mom do everything even though I worked all day, cooked your dinner, etc." (only worked with my oldest son though) Or quit doing the washing for them & when they complain, just say, "I was tired too & it wasn't my laundry so why should I have bothered? You don't help me out much."
I used to have to open the front door from their returns on weekends with XWH & would immediately remind my second son that he was now home & I expected him to act appropriately as he was a hellion at his father's & dad let him get away with it. So I was constantly the mean one.
Where my concern is now that my second child is 23 years old is the genetic part of it all.
Genes truly do carry through on some weird stuff, people. For instance, my 12 year old daughter is just like her father (my 2nd H) in she hates chocolate, cake, has his same temperament, etc. (I mean who the hell hates chocolate??)
But she is like him in those ways so much, it is scary.
My 23 year old is just like his father with mental things. (insecurity, always having to have a girl in his life, cannot admit he is wrong no matter if he was standing over a dead body with the smoking gun in his hand & covered in blood, it would still be "I didn't do it", and on & on & on & on.)
Those worry me & I still do the best I can by making sure he is taking his AD's & that type of thing. But all in all, he is a good young man & does admit he now sees what a brat he was & how wrong it was & apologizes. The BIG difference between myself & my XMIL is that I hold him accountable & do not pay his way, make him stand on his own 2 feet & basically learn how to be a man.
So take it easier on yourself. D/S is hard & I think kids act out or at least act differently when they are with each parent.
Stand your ground, keep at it & your ways, morals, values & all that good stuff will be imbedded in their minds later in life & they will see then.
Hugs to you though. It is so damn hard on top of dealing with all the other b.s. that goes with D/S & basically being a single parent. If only they could all just be the model, perfect children......Nah....maybe not!!!
[This message edited by Secrets Kept at 11:42 AM, May 10th (Saturday)]