The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed
Are they still messing around? Who knows, but judging from her pinterest, she is not NC with him.
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
That was the day it really truly ended. Until then the consequence for his actions were not enough to make them stop.
After this, everytime ow reached out to him, he told me. About 3 months later he told her that it was enough. If she contacted him again, he would out it to her spouse, her boss, and her board, she was an attorney.....Yah a D attorney, so a history of seducing, and manipulating married men who are considering D, would not look good for her.
I always know when there is trouble in paradise because X come sniffing around me
To this day he trolls facebook. He's friends on there with all her friends. And although she blocked him, when her friends post photos and she's in the picture, I know he sees them. That's how he keeps up with her. His wife on the other hand doesn't know this. WHY? IdK. You would think she was ask him to unfriend her friends on fb. I wish I could stop this. I don't want him looking at my wife AT ALL!! But I have zero control over this.
Fast forward to a very stressful time in our marriage after the birth of our first child. She called again, and this time he continued contact, and had an affair for a couple of months, but I had NOT found out about it and he had ended it. She called again about 7 years later, but looked him up and got what she thought was his private work number. She got me, and when I answered she hung up. I told my husband and he left it alone, not following up with her. From time to time I had seen her various places, looking for my Husband, knowing from his mother all of the places that he/we frequented.
Then came the spring of 2013. My husband and I had been so busy with the kids, and so disconnected when he discovered that his father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. COINCIDENTALLY, she called him again. He continued the contact this time which resulted in a 7 week emotional affair and a week of physical affair.
We are now in MC and both of us are in IC. HE is working VERY hard on MANY difficult issues from his childhood with his narcissistic mother, and has fully explored the connection with the narcissistic OW. Now, after there is nothing left to explore regarding his relationship with her, no angle left to pursue, he is completely confident that the connection is completely broken, and understands the purpose she served in his life. We are only 8 months out, so I cannot tell you if all of the tremendous work that has been done will hold and stand the test of time, but I can tell you that without that effort and the result of it, there is no way that I could have been assured that the cycle has been broken, and of course there are NO guarantees after something like this, but at least in our case, I do not believe that there is a chance for the contact to cease forever unless there is a lot of exploration and work around the why's of things. Wish I could fast forward and share with you the result of all of our efforts, but that is where we stand today….
[This message edited by Neverwudaguessed at 12:56 PM, May 12th (Monday)]
Don't leave it up to him, starmoonchild. Take R off the table. Put your foot down. You deserve MORE from your life.
Find your power. Take it back. It's in there.
It seems the clear majority of them (having read here on these boards for many many years) claim they've stopped the affair, but they haven't. They just find different ways to stay in touch and get much more diligent in their secrecy.
Lastly, just because you don't see any more texting activity on your cell bill and you don't see anymore email exchanges in his email account, don't be fooled into thinking they've cut contact. Only an imbecile would use those venues to keep in touch with their affair partner now that their betrayed spouse is monitoring these methods of communication.
Most just get 'burn' phones (pay as you go phones), or they create new free web-based email accounts that you don't know about, or start using some of the many free apps you can download for your iPhone/Smartphones. These apps allow you to text, chat, talk, video chat etc. etc. with anyone you want to communicate with - all within the app so it doesn't get recorded on your cell bill. It leaves no trace whatsoever.
I hate to say it, but it's painfully easy for them to keep in touch after D-Day, and most do.
So, it does and can happen. It's called a reality check for playboy/girl. Works amazingly well, actually. But only if you mean it.
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
My WBF never had contact with the OW after DDAY, but then again, their affair was only a little longer than a month long, and they only actually met in person 3 times. It was mostly texting.
If you read on SI you'll see that everyone's experience is different.
Together 8 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
Having said that, its only been 4 months for us so I'm not saying it will last. But i finally have hope