Last night my bh informed me he wants what we had and doesn't care if I leave
He is here cause he doesn't want our family broken
We are in a hotel with the kids. Suppose to be having a family vacation. His friend posted today he was getting divorced. That started the main slide. Then we went to the store where I was looking for the desk for the salon. I saw a hood that might work for exhaust. And it set him off. We have been arguing a lot over the temps. They are hard. And it's difficult sometimes to know where I want things and it drives him crazy. It also takes a while for me to process things. So when he suggests things. I don't usually understand right away and this whole building is a cluster frick
He thinks once it's done I'll tell him to get lost and me I know this so and the fact he hates doing it. Well everything I do is wrong. It's just a god dam mess
I don't know what to say don't know what to do
He tells me there are times when he doesn't want to touch and yet he still does cause he figures he has too. I understand. What I am not understanding is if this is how you feel and we have discussed this already and I said its I know why you feel that way. Why continue to do it? Yes he's afraid I'll leave if he doesn't treat me nice
He expects everything to be better. He's freaked out too cause we happen to be arguing about normal stuff and doesn't want to go back to that.
He doesn't know what he needs he just want it back how we were before and why does he have to do the work
And at the same time doesn't want me to bring it up doesn't want to talk
Mad if if I give him space. I'm being a bitch. If I try and be around him he has problem breathing and I think I'm intruding cause he doesn't want to touch me.
I want to hold him and try and tell him how sorry and try and reassure him. And try to let h know he will be safe
I offered to do a post nup. He doesn't want that. Cause what kind of marriage is that.
I think this is a deal breaker for him. He just hasn't gotten there
I'm not stopping trying to save this marriage. And the same time I do realize the reality is this is a equitable consequence of my cheating
I want to be here. There was another post on a forum where they talked about WS realizing they want to be not need to be.
I realized that about 3 months out. I also realized that at that time no matter what happened to me in the past. Who what where etc BH to family. I am responsible for how I react. No one else.
I really would love to blame my BH. It would be truly easier to deal with internally. I look at him and see how hard he struggles all the struggle in balancing his feelings and those around him.
And so proud to have him by my side And feel for him cause he doesn't have that
Anyways. Just looking for some ideas some support. We have another 24 hours till we get home. And right now he's driving around the city while the kids and I are at the pool