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Trigger threads?

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gutfeeling posted 5/12/2014 16:31 PM

Ack sorry, having a hard time and not sure if I'm even allowed to post this. If not, please tell me.

I'm having a hard time reading a recent JFO thread or rather, I'm having a hard time not reading it on instant refresh and sharing my opinions/thoughts! I want to be supportive of the poster, period and know my opinion doesn't belong.

But its generated a sort of anxiety in me! That continued with another trigger today (one of our boundary issues is that H is the KSA/Helper to all of mankind - and SIL asked him a huge favor (that she should not have asked) and I was anxious to see how he'd deal with it (he would have been regressing in behaviors if he agreed since it was hugely inconvenient for him). He responded great! (Yay) and basically said sorry but no. She responded passive aggressively and like usual, he called his mom who is going to step in and do the favor for SIL to avoid drama and told H "not to make make a big deal" and essentially get over it.)

I'm frustrated because his mom (whom I adore) is unaware that she is helping create this dynamic where H doesn't share feelings, lets people step over boundaries etc. And also of course the fact that she bails BIl and SIL out for their unreasonable requests to us - which means they keep making them to us, knowing that if we can't do it, MIL will. I'm just frustrated!

Now, to go back to my original point, I did some digging last night and today on why the JFO thread was bothering me so much (I should be clear - not the poster who was posting at all but the responses) and I THINK it is because my personal gut reaction says that WS is not safe for the BS and I am feeling mighty protective of the BS. My gut bs meter (the other type of bs haha) is going off loud and clear.

I think this is triggery for me because my gut brought me to SI (See my sn) and because some of the advice (giving WS the benefit of the doubt) really mimicked advice I received in real life. (I still to this day have no proof). Interestingly here, the advice was much more the opposite - no benefit of the doubt, your H is or was cheating!

So blah. There you go. A fairly incoherent post. I'm just feeling anxious and frustrated and I think scared for me and that BS in JFO. And for all of us. How will it all come out?

(Edited grammar)

[This message edited by gutfeeling at 4:32 PM, May 12th (Monday)]

nowiknow23 posted 5/12/2014 16:44 PM


gutfeeling posted 5/12/2014 18:40 PM

Thanks, NIK

TrustedHer posted 5/12/2014 21:06 PM

JFO is a hard place to be.

I've been on SI for 5 years now. It took me a few weeks to realize I needed to stay out of JFO altogether. Then it took me pretty much 4 years before I was comfortable reading and posting in there.

As I said earlier, if it hurts when you do that, don't do that.

There will be people to help the newbies in JFO. It doesn't have to be you.

When you're ready, then you can go pay it forward.

Meantime, there's lots of room to help people in General and the other forums.

stunnedmullet posted 5/12/2014 21:13 PM

I agree, as well as I am not able to read threads at the moment about false R or 2nd DDay's or I don't think I would be able to move forward. It is hard enough to look towards a future, without feeling others such raw pain.

I hope to be able to provide others with support down the track but right now I have to be selfish and protect myself

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