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How important is your relationship to you

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morethantrying posted 5/12/2014 20:04 PM

I have been thinking about this and trying to put everything in perspective. On a scale of 1-10 (one lowest) how much importance is your relationship to you in the picture of your whole life?

For me it is quite high...For me God is highest (of course) and then my relationship with my husband because together we can become a better him, me and we.... I also see a marriage relationship as a way to strengthen who I am and become a better me and to be there for someone (with support and advise and forgiveness) as he/she becomes and works to be a better them.

About an 8...so then I should let it go, forgive and grab all that can be positive in what I have chosen to be so important in my life...how about you?

kate0421 posted 5/12/2014 20:25 PM

I guess right now I would say it depends on what day you ask me...
Pre DDay ? definitely a 10. I couldn't see my life without him, he was my everything.
Post DDAY ? It really varies anywhere from 1-9 depending on which part of my roller coaster I am on. The last month has been a huge shift for me though. I feel like I can finally catch my breath. Think a little, analyze things (too much sometimes). I feel more in control, despite the few roller coaster dips I've had.
Most days I would say 7. Which is still pretty high.

rachelc posted 5/12/2014 20:37 PM

My relationships with my friends, Kids, sisters and parents are now more important and marriage is less important than it was. My relationship with MYSELF has been the most significant change. That I rate now as a 10. Before it was about a 5.
Lost faith in God through this so that has changed as well but may change again.,,

bionicgal posted 5/12/2014 20:47 PM

10, only slightly higher than the one with my son. Other things are taking a back seat right now. Before the affair I'd have said 8 or 9, but in practice it was less, because I thought it/we was/were a given.

It was partly that thinking that got us both in trouble, although he made the destructive decisions.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 8:51 PM, May 12th (Monday)]

karmahappens posted 5/12/2014 20:56 PM

The relationship I have with myself is most important, I need to nurture and love myself before I can love anyone else.

I hold my marriage close, my children and extended family, friends.

I don't think I need a number, I love the people I love, without reservation. I don't think there is a scale.


Crushed15Feb13 posted 5/14/2014 12:18 PM


Lost faith in God through this so that has changed as well but may change again.,,

Sorry for the t/j but this is reassuring to hear. I thought maybe I was unusual in this way. I feel like I've lost the part of me that included things like faith and imagination. That is where one of the holes in me currently exists. I also recognize it mat change again.

crazyblindsided posted 5/14/2014 13:04 PM

The relationship I have with myself is most important, I need to nurture and love myself before I can love anyone else.

I hold my marriage close, my children and extended family, friends.

I don't think I need a number, I love the people I love, without reservation. I don't think there is a scale.

I agree with the above. The relationship with myself is most important now followed by fWH and family. I used to put fWH and family first and after the A I will never come last again.

My relationship with friends has significantly improved since I started placing my needs first too!

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:06 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]

TheBestMe posted 5/14/2014 13:20 PM

The relationship that I have with myself is the most important. That relationship is peak when my spirituality is first.

My faith in God has been strengthened in that I have survived this mess. I have my freedom, my dignity and my integrity.

wert posted 5/15/2014 08:45 AM

Self, kids, friends, W. In that order. For me a M is an agreement, not a relationship. My W is creeping back into 3rd place lately. Used to be self, W, kids friends. Casualty of war I suppose.

The most interesting change for me has been with my kids. It was very good before and I was and active parent, but it was with my W. Now I have build relationships with each of them, less as a parental unit and more as an individual. This may be due to them getting old and that being possible, but I wonder if it would have evolved differently.

I really do look at the M as mine now. I have mine, my W has hers. Occasionally, I ask how hers is going.

take care...

deena04 posted 5/15/2014 10:53 AM

Myself and my kids are tops now. Marriage with him is way down on my list. His list has restoring our M as the top priority. Yeah, I am not there and most times don't care about the"us" factor at all. It used to be a strong priority, though, before I knew.

sudra posted 5/15/2014 11:16 AM

Hmmm. Can't really assign a number to it but it's sure way lower than it was prior to his affairs.

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