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DS in a panic-don't know whether to laugh or cry

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Sad in AZ posted 5/12/2014 23:29 PM

DS is watching the baby for the first time in three months tonight. DDIL went back to work as a nurse; it's only 6 nights a month, but it's been traumatic for her. Her mom stayed with them last week because DDIL had orientation during the day.

Since tonight was her first night back, and she has to work tomorrow & Wed. nights, DS is working days from home to be there for DGS.

OMG-got a panicked phone call at 10:30 tonight: "How the hell do you feed a baby????" My poor baby! He was beside himself. The baby wouldn't take the bottle of formula. He was arching his back, twisting and screaming. My son was almost in tears.

I calmed him as best I could. I hear the cries--that baby was pissed off! He wanted his mama, and he wanted breast milk. DS said when DDIL's mom watched him last week, everything was fine. I told him, "That's what she told you. Do you think she was going to tell her daughter the baby cried all week?"

The worst part is that he was talking about quitting his job and moving to New Mexico to live with her parents. I advised him to not panic; things will work out.

He loves that baby so much, but DDIL has not let him take care of the baby at all. She just started giving the baby a bottle last week. It's going to be a rough transition, but I told him it will all work out.

Meanwhile, I want to hop on a plane and rescue him These next two weeks are going to go very slow...

purplejacket4 posted 5/12/2014 23:35 PM

So is she not pumping for the bottle? He's really gonna hate that formula shit if he's always had real ninny!

Sad in AZ posted 5/12/2014 23:40 PM

She's pumping, but she only left him two bottle of it. It told him to just give it to him. The baby is sleeping 6 hours a night now, so two bottle should hold him over. DS is way out of his comfort zone; he's never had to deal with a baby until his son was born. He doesn't do well when he's not an 'expert'

JanaGreen posted 5/12/2014 23:43 PM

If she can't pump enough, he can mix the breastmilk with formula - carefully, making sure not to spill any!!!!

Sad in AZ posted 5/12/2014 23:49 PM

Thanks, Jana. I'll suggest that to him.

I have no experience with nursing; I knew I was going back to work in 6 weeks, so I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish.

gonnabe2016 posted 5/13/2014 00:55 AM

Awwww. I *feel* for your DS.
I had zero experience with babies before I had my own and I remember the times when I had no idea what to do with this *baby thing* when DS cried even though I was trying everything the baby books told me to.

Tell your son this: "As you are walking to baby, tell yourself "I got this."" It is a baby. He won't break baby and baby won't starve on his short watch.

Breast-fed babies freak the hell out when they are given formula (mine did anyways).
Have your son warm the pumped breast milk in a bottle. Baby is GOING to be pissed at the artificial nipple of the bottle, but tell your DS to squeeze it so that the liquid gets into the baby's mouth. Your DS needs to be patient and persistent and baby will learn soon enough that his Dad-toy delivers a *familiar* nourishment through a *weird* device.

If it were my son, I'd want to hop on a plane to help also (where's the 'sympathy' yellow-face?) Having your DS figure this out and master it on his own will be such a huge thing for him.....and he will. He'll do it because he *has* to and he and the baby will end up being best buds.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 12:56 AM, May 13th (Tuesday)]

tired girl posted 5/13/2014 01:09 AM

Poor guy! I would have a hard time not running to my kids rescue in that situation too Sad! Reminds me of when Hl was first learning to stay home with the boys when they were little.

Kajem posted 5/13/2014 07:05 AM

It's morning now.. I know he survived. I'm hoping he has more confidence in his ability to take care of a baby today.

Keep us posted.


TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/13/2014 07:20 AM

Two of mine had no trouble switching from breast to bottle back to breast and would eat anything, breastmilk or formula, as long as they ate. The youngest was the biggest pain. At first she wouldn't take a bottle from matter what was in it. Took a few brands before I found one she would use. They've got some that look exactly like a boob! But then she would take it from me but not anyone else. I think the biggest "issue" is that I'm a SAHM so the baby knew me and I knew my baby. So she was comfortable! Totally a survival thing. And a bonding thing. It will happen for him if he is more active in his care. If your DIL nurses, he burps the baby. It also helps if he does it with skin to skin contact. For the moment he can also give him the bottle with something his wife wore by his chest so the baby can smell her.

tushnurse posted 5/13/2014 07:54 AM

I am a huge supporter of breast feeding, but I was unable to, mine are just for show. However my sister was like a freaking Guernsey, and when it came time for her to return to work, similar situation, worked evenings, H took care of baby from 5-12, she had to take a bottle.

Biggest mistake was waiting until she was 3 days out from starting work to attempt bottles. My niece wanted NOTHING to do with them. My sis called me in a panic, and wanted me to feed her bottles since I didn't have the smell of Momma. I too struggled with the little stinker, but about a week into it she settled in and got used to switching back an forth.

Things I would tell your son:

1. People lots dumber than them have been able to raise babies, they will make it. Stop and take a deep breath.

2. Go to the store and buy a variety of different bottle nipples shapes and sizes, my son just couldn't nurse on the stardard ones, he had to have the flatter, rounder ones.

3. DIL - as a new first time Mom needs to be encouraged to let your son help, and to learn how to deal with his son. If it takes her Mom to get this point across, then call her.

As a nurse we kind of tend to have the mindset that we can do it all, because we often have to at work. She needs to understand that the baby has two parents for a reason.

Deep breaths the baby will only be a newborn for a short time, and by midsummer they will be in a comfortable pattern. That is not worth packing up and moving across the country for.

itainteasy posted 5/13/2014 08:12 AM

Disclaimer: I do not have children.

A friend of mine had a very hard time getting her firstborn to take a bottle when she went back to work.

It was so horrible--they went to see the pediatrician, who asked to see the bottle/nipple.

The doc told them to get a "curved"(?) bottle to cut down on the air bubbles---and she said the hole in the nipple on the bottle was too small. The baby wasn't able to suck hard enough to get enough milk to come out.

After they switch bottles and got nipples with larger holes, he started to settle down. He still fussed, he still wanted momma--but he got the hang of it.

Maybe that could be part of the problem?

Sad in AZ posted 5/13/2014 08:16 AM

Thank you for all the suggestions. It's only 6:15 in Las Vegas, and DDIL won't be home until 7:30. I'll talk to him later in the day.

I know he'll do fine; he just needs to gain confidence. He suffers from anxiety (takes meds) and he's very hard on himself *sigh*

I didn't tell him about the first time I left him alone with his father; I ran out of gas AND locked my keys in the car, so I tried to call home. The phone rang until it stopped--I never knew that could happen I had to call my mom to pick me up. When I got to the house I had to bang on the bedroom window to wake up the X, and DS was in the crib (in our room) screaming his head off. Gah!

TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/13/2014 08:34 AM

Also about the bottles, make sure the nipple is slow flow. Sometimes breasted babies don't like the bottle because it comes out too fast.

Rebreather posted 5/13/2014 10:23 AM

Sad, if all else fails, I'll be in LV Thurs and Friday and will go over and feed the baby! lol

She does need to let him take care of his son though. That is something I have never understood. It was important to me that my children had a strong bond with their father from the beginning. It was especially awesome because he always got the body fluid issues. lol

peacelovetea posted 5/13/2014 22:58 PM

In a pinch, they can also get a supplemental nursing system and have dad put it on his pinkie finger to suck on. Some babies who wont take bottles will do that. Or get an oral syringe.

A few days ought to give baby the hang of it, but if it lasts longer, a lactation consultant can help as well with alternative feeding methods.

Sad in AZ posted 5/13/2014 23:10 PM

Well, it seems the little pudge took the bottle of formula twice last night/this morning. I knew he'd eat if he got hungry enough. My little man weighs 17 lbs and he'll only be 3 months old tomorrow He's starting to look like Uncle Fester:

DS just texted that he was fighting it again tonight, so he's just letting him hang out and play for a while.

Too bad, Rebreather; we're going to miss each other by a week!

Rebreather posted 5/13/2014 23:20 PM

Oh he is a adorable!!

But hey, I'm down two days every week! lol

FaithFool posted 5/14/2014 08:37 AM

Oh what a lovely pudgy guy he is. Those cheeks are extremely squeezable.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:37 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)]

Williesmom posted 5/14/2014 08:49 AM

Yeah, it doesn't look like he's going to starve any time soon. He is adorable!

Cally60 posted 5/14/2014 19:00 PM

Another problem can be that babies sense a lack of confidence and/or panic. I well remember my son screaming the first time I tried to put him on the baby scales. The kindly health visitor offered to do it for me and the moment she took him in her arms he stopped yelling. Grrr!

Your grandson will have sensed your son's anxiety, which probably added to the crisis mix. If he feels particularly stressed, it might be helpful for your son to put the baby down (yells and all!) and allow himself a minute or two to try to calm down.

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