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mozzchops posted 5/13/2014 03:31 AM

My ww cheated with my friend and her friend's husband.

If your friend did this would your friendship suffer or continue?
I question what type of person would still want to be friends with someone who would have done this to them !

This is not the other BS, its other friends who know about it.

[This message edited by mozzchops at 3:35 AM, May 13th (Tuesday)]

devasted30 posted 5/13/2014 04:25 AM

If a friend of mine cheated with my WS behind my back, that friendship would be over. Plain and simple. And if my friend was married, I would make sure his/her spouse was informed as well. This would not be up for debate. This would not be considered "friendship".

mozzchops posted 5/13/2014 04:40 AM

Not the BS or the OM, friends that know what happened.

If one of your friends cheated with one of your friends husband, would your friendship still be intact ?

RockyMtn posted 5/13/2014 06:40 AM

I have a friend who cheated on her H with someone the rest of us don't know. So long as she continues to take responsibility for her actions and seeks the intense therapy she is, I plan to remain friends.

If she had cheated with an H I knew? Nope. No friendship. I believe that cutting ties with offending parties is important and I would support my friend who was cheated on by keeping the cheating friend out of our circle.

karmahappens posted 5/13/2014 06:44 AM

Yeah my friend was the ow.

That friendship died the day I found out. I have come a long way and found forgiveness. She remains lost and broken, I don't welcome those traits in my home anymore.

We will never be frIends again.

mozzchops posted 5/13/2014 07:44 AM

If she had cheated with an H I knew? Nope. No friendship. I believe that cutting ties with offending parties is important and I would support my friend who was cheated on by keeping the cheating friend out of our circle.

I wonder what type of woman still wants to be friends with her?

What does it say about the friends who still want to be friends?

MissMovingOn posted 5/13/2014 12:29 PM

I have struggled with this because one of WH's OWs was a (former, obviously) very good friend of mine. Both she and my WH are still "in the circle" (although she's in the circle from a distance as she and her BS moved far away) but don't have any contact with each other. Part of me wishes they would have cut her out but at the same I wouldn't wish that for my WH.

What really chaps my ass in that situation is that somehow *I*, as one of the BSs, ended up losing those friends because of it. I just keep reminding myself that anyone that would choose her over me isn't someone I want to be friends with. And I've asked WH to distance himself as well because I no longer consider those people friends of the marriage.

Allornothing posted 5/13/2014 15:39 PM

Sorry, but HELL NO!

If one of my GF's destroyed another GF's safety, security and sanity by being a selfish, broken, homewrecking troll, then It would no longer be any friend of mine.

Gman1 posted 5/13/2014 15:44 PM

My FWW confided in one of her girlfriends about her feelings during the EA and told her that they were going to meet on a weekend. It was a long distance EA that turned into a weekend PA. After D-day, I found texts between my WW and her girlfriend that made me realize that her friend had knowledge of the relationship and actually seemed like she was her cheering squad on the sideline. This could not stand with me. I confronted her friend through an email and asked her why she didn't tell me about the EA. This girlfriend was the only person in the world who could have talked some since into my wife and talked her out of proceeding to allow the OM's advances. But she did nothing and that was wrong. In her texts, she told my WW that she wanted to have an A also. To me, the friend was morally bankrupt and I let her know exactly what I thought. She did not appreciate me accusing her of anything and my FWW and her do not speak any longer.

I think you are either a friend of the marriage or not. And if you are not a friend of the marriage then there is no room in my life for these type people. Some choices are not easy in life but they are the right choices. I was very happy that my WW realized that her friend was poison and does not have anything to do with her any longer.

Secrets Kept posted 5/13/2014 16:28 PM

I second "allornothing". Word for word!!!

PollyA posted 5/13/2014 17:28 PM

"What does it say about a person who still wants to remain friends?"

I'm not sure in that sentence who cheated, and who is cheated on...but...

Someone who says infidelity is OK, by doing it, or by knowing it is happening, but not speaking out, I have no time for them.

If you don't want to tell the betrayed, then let the betrayer know that you will tell the betrayed unless the betrayer takes care of it in the next (whatever) time frame.

I have always felt this way, even when my very best friend cheated on her husband in a ONS. Her husband was a jerk, even so, he deserves her to consider his health and her commitment. Get a divorce if it's so bad.

I felt this way LONG before I was cheated ON!

mozzchops posted 5/15/2014 15:26 PM

"What does it say about a person who still wants to remain friends?"
I'm not sure in that sentence who cheated, and who is cheated on...but...

If one of your friends cheated with the spouse of another friend (within the same friend group) would you remain friends with that friend?

And if so what does it say about you?

hopefullromantic posted 5/16/2014 16:44 PM

Out with the friend. No vows there.

steadfast1973 posted 5/17/2014 10:58 AM

A friend of mine was sleeping with a married man. Her best friend's H. No, she's not my friend, anymore. I didn't know that friend or her H... But she LOVED that friend... How can I even consider trusting her?

We had a friend, and through that friend, we developed a whole new circle of friends. He had an A with one of the new friends' wife. And tried his hardest to break them up. He's no longer in the circle...

plainpain posted 5/17/2014 20:28 PM

I dumped my best friend from childhood who was also one of my bridesmaids, after she told me she was trying very hard to seduce a married man with two kids. She had been trying for YEARS, and she confessed that he had finally kissed her. She was unashamed, and wanted my sympathy because his wife wasn't good enough for him and he was with her for the kids and blah blahbbity blah. I gave her crap, and that was it. Not a friend I want in my life. I was in my early 20s at the time. It makes me feel proud of my young self.

I guarantee you, I know for a fact that if I ever cheated on my WH, my friends would give me crap and probably give me 24 hours to inform him. That is why they are my friends.

bionicgal posted 5/17/2014 21:52 PM

The AP in our situation was a friend. Of two mutual friends I have told, one is still friends with her. (The other one would like to rip out her hair and slash her tires.)

The AP doesn't know that the still-friend person knows, so she is not a close friend of hers. This friend is a very libertarian, live and let live kind of person. So, while it hurts sometimes, I didn't really expect anything different from her. She claims to understand the type of person AP is, and keeps her at arm's length. There are kids involved, etc. So, I don't think it is that easy.

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