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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: Struggling at 1 year mark
cuppacoffee
♀ 39313
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On Saturday it will be our 1 year antiversary. During months 7-9 things seemed to be going well. Now I feel like it's all falling apart again. We went from a healthy axe life to no sex life. He says he just isn't in the mood but I don't buy it. We are 34 and he found time 18 months ago to be sleeping with two women. We are roommates at best. I cry myself to sleep every night fearful that he's just here because he's too lazy to leave. I'm afraid I'm never going to get past his a.
I want to call the ow and tell her everything about how she hurt our family (don't worry I blame him too!). I want her t feel the pain I feel. He thinks I need to be over it by now. I told him that it's not up to him to decide when I'm over it and if he wants to help speed it up he needs to show me he loves me with actions.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
kansas1968
♀ 32214
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are starting the second year and I think that was the hardest. After DDay, I figured when I got to the one year marker that I would feel a lot better, but I didn't and it was very discouraging. I know the general wisdom is two to five years, but I just didn't want to accept that. I thought surely I would feel better in a year.

Year two was just as tough as year one for me. Actually but the third anniversary of DDay things were and are much better.

The sex thing could be because of shame, or that it triggers him, or that he really does not believe that you care about him. My husband also has that problem, and we have talked about it, but it sounds to me like it is mostly emotional for him. He also picked up a case of HPV from his darling girl, and now he is terrified that I might contract it.

Talk to him and you both probably need to talk to a counselor about that problem. You are very young and that problem will have to be resolved.

We are old folks (67) and I guess we can do without it. Very hard though when you are trying so hard to build your self-esteem back and want to feel that you are attractive to him. Hugs


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1320 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((cuppacoffee)))

No wonder you're struggling honey. Have you been talking about what's going on these last three months? Does he know your fears? Is he working on re-building the intimacy? Are you guys still in MC?

It's not easy and it takes work. I'm sorry that he doesn't necessarily seem to be doing that work (from what you say). I hope you can talk about this with him and get his support for facing the antiversary.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 3

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