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hopelesslydvoted posted 5/13/2014 12:14 PM

I posted this on another thread...

I started doing the 180, for my own benefit. Gut is one thing you should always listen too. But, paranoia gets a hold of us and changes us into something we never were.

My WH who deceived me while I thought we were in R; who refused transparency and lied pathologically about the silliest things, (I told him it was time for D) now can't help but tell me where he was or what he was doing. And, that is because it's hitting him that I don't care enough to ask.

My WH wanted to answer any of my questions yesterday, but I almost felt set up. He was running late for work and says how are you doing? I say good. He says I'm not so good in the head. I'm just not good. Do you want to talk? I'll tell you anything you want to know.

Now, I've tried talking for a long time, questions got answered with lies. He would blame me he was late for work because I needed to talk about this bullsh*t. So, I said to him No, I wanted to talk before, I wanted questions answered before, so your late for work. He says I'll tell you the truth about anything you want to know. (then I notice he is wearing his wedding ring again; hasn't worn it for awhile) I was pissed, but I didn't show it. Kindly, I just said have a good day at work and walked away.

He came home last night, late. I didn't ask where he was, the wedding ring was off again. I continue 180, going about my business and he starts to tell me where he was and his night.

The wedding ring on and off ; I need to not think about that. It's just actions of what he is feeling, I want this, I don't want this, I want this.

ButterflyGirl posted 5/13/2014 12:19 PM

Sounds like he had something to confess.

Spit it out or don't douchebag!

Your wife ain't playing your games! She got better things to do!

sparkysable posted 5/13/2014 12:19 PM

Sounds like he's on the fence, and he needs a push off of it.

hopelesslydvoted posted 5/13/2014 12:28 PM

Sounds like he had something to confess.

Spit it out or don't douchebag!

Your wife ain't playing your games! She got better things to do!

Sparky- He's definitely starting to feel it, I think. I told him before "no man can build his house on a fence".

deena posted 5/13/2014 12:33 PM

The game of "being too important to talk" is a very frustrating game. It's a control game. Not fun playing it as a BS.

I have found when you don't care anymore about talking is when your feelings have been destroyed. You just don't care anymore about any of the answers.

And the ring off and on.......not a good thought. Mine just hasn't worn his since before his A's.

((((((hopelesslydevoted)))))))))
(I think of the movie grease when I see your name and get that song in my head ))))))

hopelesslydvoted posted 5/13/2014 23:12 PM

deena-

Thanks for the hugs.

I don't need anymore answers from him right now, though I never really ever got any from him; it's simple enough now, he thinks he's in love and I don't need to prove he's lying anymore. What more is there to talk about at this very moment.

Once again he's out late, I don't need to know where he is, because I now get it, he's not with me and that's the only answer i need to know right now. There's a strange feeling that comes with letting go of the worrying if he's lying or not. He told me the only truth I needed to hear; he thinks he's in love with someone else. It doesn't matter how many times he tries to recant that statement, I'm just relieved to not feel crazy anymore.

I know it can all change from minute to minute, but, I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders regarding that gut feeling and thinking I was loosing it with paranoia.

Has anyone else felt that?

southsidecali posted 5/13/2014 23:40 PM

He is in love with the feeling he gets when his ego is being fed by someone.

I am sorry but he doesn't love her or you or himself for that matter, he is playing games, please keep reminding yourself to 180 for you.

deena posted 5/14/2014 01:14 AM

That gut feeling that he is not really there mentally?.......yes I had that feeling. Turned out it did mean something, that I wasn't imagining it or going crazy. Realizing that was devastating but at least I wasn't a crazy paranoid.

I still feel crazy at times. Like this is a dream.

But once you decide what to do and move in that direction, it does have a good feeling of lightness. Coupled with bouts of "OMG what am I going to do now". Lol