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HeBrokeVows posted 5/13/2014 20:31 PM

WH calls today to speak with the kids. I know his voice and how he talks when he's around someone (OW). I'm furious. He calls his kids with her there? After he emails me wanting to come home? (Refer to last nights post, no he's not coming back). I did email him one line after the call. "Please do not call the kids with your girlfriend next to you. Thank you". I know he read it because I know his password but he never responded. Another example of how he has no interest in how I feel. If he truly wanted me back he wouldn't even want me to feel like this for one second. What an ass.

Sad in AZ posted 5/13/2014 20:55 PM

I know this stings, but you can't control who he's with when he calls your kids. Your addressing this just gives him ego kibbles. When he's on the phone with the kids, hum or whistle or sing. As one signs off the call, give them a kiss and tell them they're wonderful. Don't ever let him see you sweat

HeBrokeVows posted 5/13/2014 21:29 PM

It stings terribly. I have to shake it off!!

Heal&Deal posted 5/13/2014 21:49 PM

I have yet to find an end to the stupidity that comes from my XH.

As the years of separation pass, you will come to understand WH's selfish action is not about you or the kids or anything except the nonsense that resides between his ears.

For now, steer clear of any interaction, direct or indirect, involving WH. You deserve the mental break from listening to and deciphering who he is with, what he is doing, etc.

It is not going to be possible to dictate who is present when your WH speaks with your children. One of the hardest things I had to come to terms with was that when my DS is in my XH's care, he will be exposed to whatever/whoever XH deems appropriate (within basic child welfare standards, of course). It is a tough pill to swallow, but, in my case, was better than exposing my son to a daily example of how a marriage should NOT work - cheating daddy, bitter mommy, arguing, crying, etc, etc, etc.

Hang in there - it gets better.

HeBrokeVows posted 5/13/2014 23:02 PM

That's a great way to look at it. It's better than my kids being exposed to a cheating daddy, crying mommy, all of us waiting for daddy to come home or not, etc. a lot of this is restructuring my thought process.

Nature_Girl posted 5/13/2014 23:44 PM

You don't need to answer the phone when he calls. That way you won't even hear his voice. When he calls, either have your child answer it, or you pick up the phone, hand it over without a word, and let your child talk.

I'm sorry you're hurting. You have to stop yourself from thinking you can control anything about him. You cannot. You never could.

deena posted 5/13/2014 23:53 PM

The numbness will come.

What everyone has already said is true...its just hard to make your head and heart stay on that path.

Just repeat what others advise....it will make it easier....they know....they have been there before and probably, at first, reacted like you are. You can get to that point too...just harden the heart and mind.

((HeBrokeVows))