(((seenow))) The first antiversary is HARD. From what I gleaned of your story from a quick scan, I think your feelings are very normal. It takes a LONG time to reconcile, and that's with both the FWS & the BS working hard.
I think when you've got to deal with years and years of deception, hurts, poor treatment (feeling distance in the relationship, WS being more irritable, etc. etc.), and so forth, the task of R becomes rather Herculean. You have to process all the lies; memories percolate up from your mind and you see them with new eyes with the benefit of the truth.
I fully understand the allure of the 'small house/smaller life' daydream. I think you'd be nuts if you didn't think that way from time to time. You're in a marathon; it's natural for your mind to seek escape.
That said, you said your FWH is in IC and working on himself. Are you also in MC?
I believe people can change. Silly me, I already had a master's degree in counseling coming into this mess, so I had long ago embraced that notion...talk about the acid test, though! So long as your FWH is committed to continued IC and evolving as a human being, there's hope in my book.
You're not likely at the point yet where you can commit to look forward more than you look back. However, if your FWH is open, honest, consistent, and reliable, over time you will begin to develop trust again. There will be hiccups in that trust; it's not a straight trajectory in my experience. R is like a game of Chutes & Ladders as is the rebuilding of trust. Both take what seems like waaaaaaaay too much time....hmmm, much like I remember the childhood board game "Life" taking. Time will march on, though, and if your FWH is remorseful and working on himself and your relationship, you will be in a much better place.
When I was where you're at, my credo was to talk about the things that lived with me, such as the waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding, or feeling a sick feeling due to some trigger or another. I had what in my mind I thought of as a scorched earth policy: I didn't visit this hell on myself, so why should I have to shoulder it myself? What's the worst thing my bringing up the pain would do? Make him cheat? Hahahahaha ....too late for that, so screw it, I'd speak up. That's what I found healthiest for me and our R efforts.
Best of luck and lots of strength to you!