SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

deena04 posted 5/14/2014 09:51 AM

I heard this yesterday and have heard it before, but it is sticking with me now:

If it hurts too much to stay, then you need to go

I see the point of it, but also see the other side that if you persevere it can be good again. Side note: we are in the same home still, but I chickened out of meeting my attorney to start D yesterday. I think I need to file and maybe see how it goes. I don't like limbo (no one does) and feel I need to do something! Any thoughts on the hurting too much saying? I am on the fence on that one.

rachelc posted 5/14/2014 09:58 AM

I think it hurts a lot whatever fork in the road you choose, at least for a while.

tired girl posted 5/14/2014 10:05 AM

I think it depends. Why are you in limbo? Is it because he refuses to step up and do what is necessary?

deena04 posted 5/14/2014 14:18 PM

Tired girl, he does try hard, but I really just think it was a deal breaker. It doesn't matter how hard he tries to me; he can't take it back. I am in limbo mainly because of financial reasons. I can't afford to leave and we just bought our house last year, before I knew! We only rented before that. I could have left easier then. Also our kids have blended and became a family. This is my other reason. Basically, we live together, he tries, I don't care, and I spend my time working towards becoming able to support my kids and myself. A small part of me wants R, but I don't know if it's want or being afraid of all the D process. We are also expecting in early Dec. so trying to navigate this before divorce becomes harder.

PollyA posted 5/14/2014 14:41 PM

deena, what it's the" pro" of divorcing various the baby is born?

imo, you sound ambivalent about a decision. why not decide not to decide?

For me it's been empowering. I offer to do nothing, but will listen if he wants to offer something. I promise him nothing.

it's been pretty good so far.

rachelc posted 5/14/2014 14:45 PM

We are also expecting in early Dec. so trying to navigate this before divorce becomes harder.

wow, just wow. I'm so sorry. Are you in IC? They would help manage this?

deena04 posted 5/14/2014 16:53 PM

Thank you all! For me, limbo feels worse than just making a leap one way or the other. I want to feel whole again; not in pieces. I was to file yesterday, but didn't. I moved my appt basically because I chickened out. I want to file to start because I think limbo is not for me. He doesn't want me to and continues to quietly try so hard, but I want out before baby mainly because we have a blended family and this would be our first together. Therefore, right now it's 90 days to final with no kids of marriage. With kids, more complicated!

karmahappens posted 5/14/2014 18:06 PM

I get limbo, I do.

IMO if you wanted to D you would have gone to the attorney appointment.

You didn't, I think that's telling.

We all want the answer, now. But sometimes the right answer takes time. Do you want to hurry a divorce before baby just so it's easier?

Is that a good enough reason to put the nail in the coffin?

Jump when you are sure you are ready. Heal yourself and take care of you. When you are really
clear and not indecisive then the direction to jump and in what direction,is clear.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 6:07 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]