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So disappointed with friend

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unabletoheal posted 5/14/2014 13:21 PM

My friend and I were supposed to get together this coming weekend. I tried to bow out because I have a lot going on in the next couple of weeks. She talked me into it because for some reason or anther one of has to cancel. At the end of our conversation she tells me she is meeting a "friend" and she has to have plans with me so that she doesn't get herself in a situation. She is married, actually married the guy she had an affair with 11 years ago. Obviously things are NOT as happy as she thought they would be and they fight a lot. They have kids from their previous marriages (in their 20's/30's) and a 10 year old together. I am so disappointed and disgusted that she is even meeting this guy. She knows what I went through and it makes me sick that she is doing this again. She is putting herself in a situation by meeting with him in the first place, they knew each other when they were kids and live about 3 1/2-4 hrs away (different states) from each other. What does she think is going to come out of meeting with him. She is not young and nave and I want to say something to her, but what? Or just stay out of it? Honestly I don't think her husband has been faithful throughout their marriage so it isn't even about feeling bad for him - it comes down to where is your morals!?

GabyBaby posted 5/14/2014 13:26 PM

Normally I'd say tell the BH since you have firsthand knowledge of inappropriate behavior (ie straight from HER mouth).
However, in this case, we're talking about two affair partners who married and now at least one of them is carrying on true to form?

I wouldn't say a word.
Pop some popcorn and just watch the implosion.
Oh...and if I were you, I wouldn't hang out with her anymore. She's using you as her "cover" and that would NOT be ok with me.

Edited for typos.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 1:53 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]

unabletoheal posted 5/14/2014 13:37 PM

That's exactly how I feel, that I am a pawn for this otherwise she would have been ok to reschedule for us to get together next month.

strongerdaybyday posted 5/14/2014 14:08 PM

I agree with Gaby if you don't want to tell her H then don't but don't let her use you as her "cover". I would NOT be okay with that either.

I personally would tell her she needs to:
1) Grow up. If this affair (or "meeting") explodes it's not just about her and H there are KIDS that will be hurt
2) Tell her NOT to use me as her cover as I will NOT be able to back up her story.

Just what I would say. But you know her best and maybe she's the type that won't listen/doesn't care.

Schadenfreude posted 5/14/2014 14:56 PM

She isn't acting as your friend here, she's using you. Be unavailable as her cover. If questioned, tell her you cannot in good conscience be involved in her plan. Tell her you have decided not to tell her H either as you aren't going to take sides in this budding affair. She may be mad that you are spoiling her plans, it really if she has a brain in her head she'll see that you are acting in your own best interests. There is NOTHING in this scheme for you, and should your H discover it someday he'll think you're there to take a lesson.

BTW, what year of high school is your friend in and is she going to the prom with her H or out of town BF?

SisterMilkshake posted 5/14/2014 15:07 PM

I'ld call that BH in a NY minute. Yeah, does he deserve to be fucked around on? Yeah, boy! But, I would be super pissed if any so called friend of mine, knowing the pain I have been through, would ask me to be her "beard" for an affair. This "friend" of yours is having an affair. Maybe it isn't PA yet, but certainly EA if this is a big secret from her husband, which it obviously is.

Fuck that shit! Fuck that friend! I aint' got time for those bitches!

Mousse242 posted 5/14/2014 19:47 PM

Her Husband may be an ass but what about this guy's wife?

justinpaintoday posted 5/14/2014 19:51 PM

I'd stay away from her. Talk about trigger city. How insensitive can you be. You derserve better friends.

unabletoheal posted 5/14/2014 20:37 PM

Her and I have gone back and forth about her excuse/justification with her affair. She thinks his wife should have left him long before he told her he wanted a divorce. It pisses me off - who are you to decide when someones marriage should be over? Where she is still with him after two young co-workers filed harrasment charges on him (somehow got dismissed) , she found an email responding to an ad for companionship when he was in another country, viagra pills were missing, he told her his co-worker was too embarrassed to go to the dr to get his own prescription - seriously!?

Badhurt posted 5/14/2014 21:46 PM

If you let her use you as her "wing lady" this time, you will be in the same situation again and again since if she has an affair it probably will not be a one time thing.
You really need to have nothing to do with her because she is being a user. let someone else do her dirty work.

Forged1 posted 5/14/2014 21:48 PM

She's using you as her "cover" and that would NOT be ok with me.

Nope, wouldn't be okay with me either.

Don't let her get her shit all over you.

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