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He's back with OW

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selfrespect911 posted 5/14/2014 14:56 PM

I went away for a few days to Spain to spend some much needed time surrounded by my best friends who love, respect, and care for me. I had a great time. Feeling better about myself these days.

He is unremorseful. Immature. A coward. I decided a month ago, after confrontation, to stop trying. To figure out how to move forward. To 180. I've come miles already but emotions are still hard to control all the time. [I should add the important fact that we can't divorce due to immigration purposes. I can't leave him. He has agreed to remain my sponsor.]

I'd noticed on her social media she was acting 'happier' this week than she had been since my WH dumped her over a month ago. Little niggles of suspicion crept up but mostly I decided to not let it get to me. WH has been living with his parents. His family LOOOOATHES this woman, by the way. They love me.

He's meant to move back soon and I was mostly expecting him to be here when I got back. Instead he used these fours days to come and clean his room, lounge around, and probably finally enjoy not being stuck with his parents 24/7 and not have to deal with me. But just for those 4 days. He's gone again. He's not spoken to me in over a month, and vice versa.

I come home to find all my little trinkets and pictures I'd put up to 'feel at home' (I only moved in November) had been taken down and thrown on my bed (in the spare room). What a fucking slap in the FACE. Then I went into his room to find a slightly used bottle of new lubricant. I know his 'personal time' habits. It does not involve lube, especially one as 2in1 posh and fancy as the one I found. It was just sat in the open on his shelf. No attempt to hide it other than he shut his bedroom door. Combine that with a tweet from her yesterday being 'mushy' and bragging about 'being so happy'... Yeah. I'm not an idiot. Found lots of evidence in terms of takeaway meals and drinking as well. They obviously had a pow-wow.

I dunno. I'm mostly not surprised. I've told his sister, I always keep her informed. But his parents want so badly to believe him that they ignore the obvious signs and still try to trust him. I know I can't make him do anything and if he wants to see her, he will. And he is.

On the one hand, I think. Fine. Have each other. You're terrible people with no concept of love, respect, or integrity. They deserve each other. I deserve SO MUCH BETTER. They WILL crash and burn. Maybe now they can play out their fantasy and watch as the destroy each other even more. (He almost lost this job due to the anxiety this put on him). And I know her well enough to know she will NOT put up with being a 'secret' for very long. Eventually she'll put immense pressure on him. And she will never, ever be welcome into his family and he has responsibility to me.

On the other hand, I'm really struggling with wondering what I did to deserve their treatment. How can they both treat another person like this? All I did was love him and take care of him, and now he's treating me like a subhuman and making me feel unwelcome in the only home I have. How can two people be so incredibly selfish? I am an awesome person, I have so many friends (I'm one of those that calls 10 different people my 'best friend' because I genuinely have so many good, solid, deep connections with a lot of people). WH has none. He's always been an introverted loner and he's bad at picking friends - they're always manipulative of him and walk all over him. Just like her. She has very few friends and she is PATHETIC. Attention-seeking. She had to control him to feel better about herself. She is scum, and has the balls to treat ME like I'm the evil one?! Like I did something to him?! I have SO many people that love and care about me, that I talk to daily. That know what's happening to me. I'm so blessed. I know it's not me. People love me. Even his sister is now closer to me than she is with him - and they used to be close!

So why? Why does he have to keep acting like I'm a rash that won't go away? Like I'm so repulsive he has to take pictures of me down? Or I'm so fucking disposable he can marry me and in months pretend like I don't even exist?

And he invites her into OUR home while I'm out of sight out of mind? Even going so far as too REMOVE MY THINGS and hide them in my room? Oh what so it doesn't upset her?! He carries on lying to his family? The amount of selfishness and disrespect is overwhelming. It is genuinely INCREDIBLE. How can he so easily treat me like trash and use 'I don't love you' as an excuse to be so callous?

I'm an amazing woman, and now I get to spend 4 years trapped with this monster. I'll be damned if I let him ruin my ENTIRE future (i.e. being in the country I've spent half a decade building a life in). It's just my shitty fucking luck that he is the only reason I can continue to live here, where all my friends and surrogate family are. I want and deserve truly lasting love and now I have to spend my energy trying to figure out how to live with him without slicing his balls off.

I know I need to focus on me, and I am. I just needed to vent as I'm feeling neglected, abandoned, and angry.

Ostrich80 posted 5/14/2014 15:10 PM

I don't.usually name call someone's ws but he's an Ahole.
Damn I feel for you. I don't have any advice and you seem to atleast not be beating yourself up for his stupid endeavor.
Just hope the time flies and stay away from sharp knives ball removal could get you in a bit of a pickle)

selfrespect911 posted 5/14/2014 15:23 PM

Thank you. His sister is disgusted with him. I never would've expected this of him, nor she. She said ever since OW came into his life again, she doesn't even recognise her own brother. She's ashamed.

Nah, I shall avoid violence! One thing I cling to is that I am an Awesome woman and I have maintained a consistent level of maturity and high-roads since the beginning. I will never, ever, ever sink to their level.

Faithful w/Love posted 5/14/2014 15:31 PM

You are an awesome woman...

Lord I am so sorry. It sucks when they don't have a clue!

And he should feel so ashamed of himself.

HUGS

selfrespect911 posted 5/14/2014 15:56 PM

Thank you. Devastated but the emotional blows don't knock me down too much anymore. I guess that's something!

Mousse242 posted 5/14/2014 19:45 PM

Move all his shit, furniture, etc. into the spare room. You take the larger room. Take back your home. Take back your power. ((hugs))

Nature_Girl posted 5/14/2014 20:10 PM

Move all his shit, furniture, etc. into the spare room. You take the larger room. Take back your home. Take back your power. ((hugs))

THIS! DO THIS!

selfrespect911 posted 5/15/2014 05:57 AM

I can't do that and I don't really want to. I DO want to take my power back, but not the room. It's dark and smelly and cluttered. It's his room - he's lived here for 10 years, he part-owns the flat. I just moved in in November. But it wasn't until I got the spare room in March (which had been filled with even more junk) that I started to finally feel like I had my own space.

However, I have put my trinkets back up and pictures of myself. I will be constantly finding more things to add.

I was incredibly depressed last night. I think I'm in shock today. Nightmares all night. I just can't believe this is my life.... I never had a chance. He never gave me a chance... We got married and she dug her claws in immediately and brainwashed him. Now he's gone. He's ignoring me completely. He's already 100% detached emotionally from our marriage, but now he's ignoring the responsibility of it as well. The longer he pretends I don't exist the deeper he gets stuck in with her.

I feel like I've had another DDay. I feel SO alone, rejected, and abandoned.

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