I am just curious to read some responses as to how your relationships with them have or have not continued.
I used to live next door to my inlaws. Not that I saw them daily but we did have regular contact. I now live 15 minutes away. I don't see them. They don't contact me. My MIL occasionally calls my two teenage daughters. Outside of that, nothing!!!!
My exH is living with the OW who helped dismantle my marriage and my ex-in-laws have met her and she now takes my place at family functions. I feel invisible!!! I'm not sad. I realized this might happen and that I might feel this. It is just a bit hard to get used to.
What has been your experience?
That's all the family the X has.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
eta - I don't hear from my xwbf's mom except on the rare occasion.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:03 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]
"Hi. How are you? Take care."
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
Blood is thicker than water and honestly for them to see or believe the child they raised could do this to their family well he/she must have been driven to it or unhappy.
I know I would have been on thin ice but overtime if I was truly happy my family would be happy.
Let it go and if you want to keep a relationship with them then keep trying but whether they do or don't keep it up with you is more about their awkwardness and being his family.
I took the high road and I can now let them go without any bad feelings. It was time for me to move on.
I love my XMIL, and we stayed close for a couple of years, but I gave her space when I knew she was struggling with trying to have a relationship with her son, which by his edict, had to include OW. They've tried but from what I've heard it hasn't worked out well. (My XSIL and DSD both refuse to have much to do with OW). I still keep in touch with XMIL on FB, and I hope to see her sometime soon.
Status: D 2011
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
Last summer, the XILs came to our city for a ceremony at my DSs school. I realized they would be meeting and dining with OW.
It just hurt too much. I realize they will support XWH....they are blood. But my XFIL cheated on my XMIL. One XSIL has a serial cheater and physical abuser for a husband. The other XSIL was a BW. Still, he is family, and I am not. I told them I wished them well, but it was too painful for me to keep in contact with them. My XMIL cried. I've never talked to any of them since, and blocked them on FB.
They are still in contact with my adult sons, of course. But they are 1500 miles away....and my sons know the whole story of the family....all addicts and/or enablers and/or cheaters....every single one of them. They love their grandmother, but they are not especially close to their dad's family.
It hurts. I loved my XMIL. But I couldn't ask her to choose me over her son. And it was not bearable to continue to have a "friendship" with her knowing she was ok with OW. Same with XSILs.
Honestly, once I said goodbye to all of them, I felt peaceful.
"A good man with good intentions has no reason to lie" - somer222
We haven't heard from a single one of them. We never will. It's probably better, but it still stings, especially for the kids. They're a toxic lot; it would be so nice to have real family. (Oddly, Trax-Fone is still "friends," on that meaningless Facebook level---which still stings--with much of my family. But that's a whole 'nother can of worms.)
I didn't expect this at all -- as I am still friends with the family of my 1st husband,,, they even told me they "know what our son is" and to this day we still communicate via fb. I was completely shocked that my current XWH's family turned their back on the kids and I.
But then I had to look at who they are. Big screwed up family to raise a pervert like my XWH.
So, this is kinda funny -- if I want something to get back to xwh -- like how happy I am, I post it on facebook bc they run to him and "report". I usually post how great my life is when I am really angry at xh -- I do not want him and OW to know when I am angry...I do not want them to have that power.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:53 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]
All 4 of her boys will now have been divorced once (none of them were faithful upon the divorces) and she always questioned why none of her boys could stay faithful, I looked at her and said "really? You ran from every marriage instead of teaching those boys to work on their marriage." (3rd marriage and left for another man everytime)
To be honest, I don't want connection to his side of the family, I know I will have to see them when my kids actually do get married and have children of their own...I don't see that happening for awhile as neither of my children are dating atm The ex's are the subject of all family functions, I guess I will be the gossip for awhile.
I love what one of the other ex's calls us...We are the Outlaws, welcome to the club!
I highly doubt the relationship will continue on tho. I refuse to do all of the work to keep it going as I did during my marriage. I held all of the family events at our house and I organized every picnic, holiday and I routinely had everyone over for dinner so we could catch up and my kids could visit with the family. I did all of the work while everyone else enjoyed the company. My exH didn't do anything to help me out either and it was HIS family I was feeding and entertaining. I did enjoy that everyone got together but I did not get much respect.
My sister-in-law has also kept in touch with me. I was fortunate to have in-laws that were so wonderful.
I very rarely see or talk with XBIL and his wife - he lives far away and I can't stand his wife anyway, so no big loss there.
Our Godson is graduating from high school about 7 hours from me, I was invited and he was not! I have not missed anything a Birthday, xmas and he hasn't done one thing for him. I talk to his family more than he does!
I was a part of their family for over 25 years and still am!
When I filed for D, they said that I was always welcome at their house. However, a few weeks ago, I sent them a letter about Wxh's latest shenanigans. They ignored it.
Whatever - chickenshit parents raising chickenshit children.
I do keep in touch with wxh's sister. She is always ready to talk.
She has told ppl she knows it was her son's fault and that he has issue so it isn't even like she is blaming me.
IDK - can't explain it. I did expect them to keep in touch or just make sure we were ok.
Whatever - onward and upward
(Married 14 yrs)
On Dday from SIL - "loves me like a sister but didn't want to be in the middle"... The same SIL I took into my home for 9 months during her D, accompanied her to every court date... She had nothing to say about his A.
BIL died suddenly - we were not given the service info. Then STBX took his gf. SIL's take was it wasn't her business that he didn't tell me.
MIL died - again - nothing - not even a response to DD's request for an address to send flowers to her grandmother's funeral (she was out to sea at the time). The other DD had watch her grandmother 2x a week, prior to her going into the nursing home, so SIL could get out of the house (Alzheimer's) But beyond an informative email from the X that MIL had passed - nothing. Again - he took his gf.
There's more, but yeah... after 30 years - no relationship there.
His mother was passed by the time this all happened so I actually was left with two dumbass men - XFIL and XBIL - who have serious issues of their own. The apples did not fall far from that tree so I didn't really expect much sympathy or caring for me.
What I didn't expect was the lack of contact with my kids. XBIL doesn't have any children and never will so my 2 are it as far as grandkids and nieces/nephews. They barely send them gifts for birthdays and Christmas and don't speak to them regularly. They can go years without seeing them. Exwh goes in and out of contact with his family, especially his father. They must be sort of on the outs at this point because my kids did not talk to their grandfather for Ds' birthday or Easter. They sent him some letters from my address about a week ago and he hasn't acknowledged them. Like Williesmom said - chicken shit people are chicken shit.
That's the hard part. I feel guilty because, while I have a great family, my mom is the only one who lives close by. I have awesome friends who are like family and I'm grateful for them as well. But, I feel bad that my kids will grow up without anyone from their father's side - a lot of times their father included - really caring about them or going out of their way to make them feel special.