SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I will start by saying that I am not a physicallly aggressive person and do not condone violence as a solution to anything. I am a gentle giant. Having said that;

Most of you know my situation. exWW and her POS have been particularly nasty and cruel and they continue to push my buttons at every opportunity. Despite being over a year down the road the anger and resentment THEY have towards ME still astounds me. Most of the time I am able to shake my head in disbelief and put it down to projection.

However, on this occasion I lost my ability to control my own rage and flipped.

I had reason to return my DS9's guitar to their house last night. I have learned that the best time is to do this after the children are asleep and to park the car in the direction of exit (they live in a cul-de-sac), leave the engine runnning, door open. I place the items at the front door, ring the bell, get in the car and drive off. Despite this, POS takes the opportunity to either come out of the house and hurl abuse at me or stand at his window giving me the bird. Last night it was the latter. I carried on driving but then I stopped. I got out and ran to the front door knowing that he thought the coast was clear and he would picking up the items I left.

At this point I grabbed him and pushed him and we wrestled around for a couple of minutes. NO fists were thrown, fortunately, but I made it quite clear that he should stop baiting me. He was cursing at me and telling me to get off his property. exWW appeared and threatened to call the Police. I don't think I even saw her. Never looked at her.

I turned to leave at which point POS said that I should expect the Police to turn up at my house "which won't be yours much longer". exWW said nothing and didn't throw any insults or make any remark whatsoever. The Police never turned up.

Now I know I deserve every 2x4 that's coming my way and I'm already attacking myself for what I did but I'm trying to understand his mentality

1) He seems angrier than exWW.

2) He seems to want me to lose everything. He is motivated to get me out of the house even though they don't want it.

3) He continues to bait me over a year in to this unfortunate saga.

4) I know that if I had done what he'd done that I would stay well clear of the betrayed husband, especially if I was smaller than him. I would want him as far removed from my new life and his trophy as possible.

I am actually surprised the Police didn't turn up. I'm half expecting them to come to my work. I've told my boss just in case. She said I should have hit him

I continue to be agrieved that POS never has to be held to account for his actions. Piece OF SHIT

[This message edited by allatsea at 2:55 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]

Meh.

I think he had it coming.

But then...I think taking that high road is WAY overrated.

don't do it on his property. bad move. get him alone with only your friends as witnesses. then beat him to a limping pulp. but don't do it on his property anymore. maybe on your property.

mind you, that's if you actually can't ignore him anymore. you realize this option is highly risky. but he's breaking a code. you don't rub someone's nose in it after you've taken their wife. that's just bullshit.

[This message edited by mike7 at 5:34 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]

Yeah, he deserved it and more. But don't give them anything to use against you.

I've told my boss just in case. She said I should have hit him

Love your boss

[This message edited by shiloe at 6:19 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]

I do believe you have this all wrong. There are two scenarios that may have happened here. First, if any marks were left on OM that could signify a physical confrontation or there happened to be an unaffected third party such as a neighbor who saw the incident this must have been the scenario. This surely occurred when after dropping off your child's belongings, you got back into your car. and OM was yelling something to you that at the time was inaudible. You exited the vehicle and approached the house in order to see what OM was yelling to you. At the time you thought it could have been a very important issue, something regarding your child. When you got to the door OM started yelling obscenities and threats at you. When you tried to turn around and leave he blocked your exit with his body. It was at that point you felt your well being threatened and an encounter ensued where you had to physically remove OM from your path of exit. Naturally noting that not once was a punch thrown. You just moved his body to make good your escape from what was clearly an unprovoked attack.

Now if there are no marks on OM or no one saw what happened. Altercation ???? What altercation ? I have no idea what those two loons are speaking about.

You took the bait from a loser.

You risk everything, including access to your children for a few ego kibbles.

Are you a better man or happier for it?

You are right. He does want you to lose everything.

And you are helping him accomplish that.

Be the better, stronger man, for your children if you can't manage to do it for yourself.

Jumping a guy because he gave you the finger is for 14-year olds.

[This message edited by Merlin at 6:06 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]

I love these repsonses. Thanks so much.

I know that there were no witnesses whatsoever and there are no injuries on either side so I have no real concerns abouot recriminations

Even my solicitor said 'well done'

Next time I have to drop something off I will leave it by the front door and let it get stolen or rain soaked.

I've also double checked with the solicitor about POS's confidence regarding getting me out of the home I'm in. She tells me that can never happen provided I am able to buy out her share.

I was trying to imagine their conversation last night after I left

Ideas?

How about:

"Gru, there really was no need to bait him when all he was doing was dropping of DS's guitar"

Or

"Gru, I told you that AAS is a horrible man. You see what I've been saying all along. He's so mean picking on my Gruey Wooey. I love you so much for defending my honour at the door of our fairy castle"

or........

Merlin is right, of course.

I can't argue.

Baiting the man you've taken everything from is also the behaviour of a 9 year old.

Ive had 14 months of abuse from this pair of deluded arseholes and I snapped.

I got away with it this time

If the police weren't called it's a shame you didn't land a punch.

But at least it's out of your system. Sorry you have to deL with that crap.

^^^

Stronger!! You can't eat soup without teef!

Oh my god. I couldn't lie to the cops. I'm such a shit liar!!

AAS, IMO he won that battle even if you did beat him to a pulp. I think you know this.

He baited you and you took it hook, line and sinker.

Here's the kicker - you've already won the war, he's stuck with the whore (there's a country song in that - or at least a bumper sticker!).

It isn't even about the high road - you've just given him the most exciting thing to ever happen in his miserable life. He'll dine on a cowards version of that story for the rest of his life. You've just given that loser a hero story.

Fuck.That.Guy.

That little bitch is in the gutter and you joined him, albeit briefly. No more now. Every time he goads you I want you to have a quiet chuckle to yourself "your woman is a whore - enjoy my sloppy seconds, loser". In time you will pity him.

He is not and will never be even half the man you are.

I repeat: He is not and will never be even half the man you are.

Not because you're bigger or could stomp him until he is a stain on the carpet but because the best he can do is someones broken down whore of an XW. He didn't get the woman you married - he got the bitch you divorced.

This is why he goads you. He needs you to behave like the parasite he is to even the playing field a little bit.

Now quit exposing yourself to STDs by touching that parasite on a parasite and start practicing your happiest whistle and make that fucker LOUD. Eye of the Tiger, Justin Timberlakes "What goes around" - something like that.

Actually scrap that - THIS is the song!! Gives You Hell "Truth be told I miss you/ And truth be told I'm lying."

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=kp&v=uxUATkpMQ8A

Don't be their glue, friend. The goading will amp up now as I bet they're frothing at the mouth over this. It's the most excitement they've ever experienced in their ridiculous relationship. I pity them that.

Despite being over a year down the road the anger and resentment THEY have towards ME still astounds me.

There's this thing known as "self righteous indignation". That's what you xWW and POS are suffering from. It allows them to demonize you and hate you all in service of making them feel okay when in fact somewhere in their stupid little head's they know it isn't. The king of the hill routine POS always pulls with you is part of how he keeps xWW roped in, "see honey, look at me, I'm a MAN".

Your approach to how you drop things off to them plays into his king of the hill routine. He's able to be bombastic because you are in some ways running away.

I think it's good you circled back this time because it didn't fit the running away narrative POS relies on. It'll definitely shake him up.

Complete the circle by how you handle the next encounter. Bring the item, ring the doorbell, and then stand your ground. No more slinking away to avoid the b.s.

Oh and that you xWW just stood there? It means she knows who's at fault and it's not you.

You are giving him way to much head space and letting him win by reacting. It's exactly what he wanted, and you gave it to him on a platter.

He wants to be noticed. He wants to matter.

Ever heard the phrase " don't wrestle with pigs. You end up all muddy and the pig likes it"

You are wrestling a pig. You ate playing his game.

Detatch and minimize this person. People like him hate to be ignored. They hate not to matter. They love the drama.

Next time stop and think- do I give him what he wants? Or do I frustrate him by not being 12 with him.

A fight will lose you your children. Surely he isn't worth that. And your ww? OMG, given time you will see he did you a huge favor taking someone like her off your hands.

I was thinking about your post on my way to work (how many of us wish that we could just take one shot at the POS?).

Two thoughts:

1. Is there any reason (settlement?) that requires you to be dropping anything off at that house? Why put yourself through this? Your X can pick up the kids' equipment from your place if you consistently get abuse each time you go over there. The specter of needing to put out extra effort by a Wayward might push your X to cut the crap and make the OM do likewise.

2. Is there anything the cops can do on your behalf? Not sure, and maybe others might know. But, maybe going down to the police station and telling them that you are doing your best to deal with this crazy situation, that you aren't looking for trouble, but this guy keeps goading you on, and you need some help from them. They might not be able to do anything, but at least you would also be pre-emotive if they do file something. If it was to ever get to court you could point out that you recognized that what happened was wrong, and sought help from the police because you didn't want it to happen again.

Anyway...my musings as I sipped my coffee and listened to Black Sabbath on the way in to teach teenagers today.

I got away with it this time

No 2x4s....you realize you should of never done it. You recognize that you got lucky charges were not filed against you and hurt your situation further.

Just make sure you are ready for his taunts to escalate. He has been baiting you and you finally took it. He may step it up a notch since he realizes he can 'get to you'.

Here's the thing....they are both losers. But by getting a reaction from you, any type of reaction, it helps to feed them. They are thriving off this negative energy, and you are helping to feed it when you react. You are playing THEIR game. Stop. Make them play YOUR game.

You have to look at this entire thing a bit differently. He did you a HUGE favor by taking her off your hands. You are now free to pursue a better future, with a real woman (if you choose) that understands faithfulness and honor. Or to spend time alone for a while. Or to enjoy dating for a bit. But you don't have that awful weight holding you back anymore. He took it off your hands.

You should be thanking him and shaking his hand. Poor stupid fool. He got what he deserved. They are both unhappy bitter people (obviously, that he has to yell obscenities at you, what kind of person does that? Not someone happy and content with life!)

When you can truly find the mindset that you did get the better deal, and that they are not worthy of even one of your precious brain cells, your attitude will convey it all to them. They won't be able to bait you. They won't be able to affect you at all, their actions will wash away like the day's filth when you take a shower.

And that attitude will bother them more than any type of fistfight or negative reaction from you.

I'm sure that felt good, and I don't blame you. But you are smarter than they are. Quit playing their childish game.

I've got it out of my system now. I feel better and the alpha part of me has shown that I'm not a doormat to be walked all over.

I'm hoping he'll think twice next time.

Or I might simply return the items and then text once I've driven off instead of ringing the door bell.

ExWW would normally be texting abuse at me by now. She's either plotting or simply wants to focus on her impending birth.

Above all else I'm most fascinated to see first hand that the anger and abuse comes mostly from him. He's on a mission to get me out of my home and exact revenge on me for something. I don't know what.

His life sure has radically changed over the last 14 months.

I feel badly for you. You shouldn't have to put up with this shit.

guys like him are amazingly insecure. No secure man would feel the need to goad. It's like a bully. bullies are really insecure.

I'm just thinking, can you get an attractive woman to come with you when you drop things off? She can be a witness, and she can wave at him, and if he does something stupid, she can laugh.

It would also drive your now pregnant ex out of this world, because it would show that unlike her, you've traded up. Just do it a couple times. Walk up to the door, ring the doorbell, stand there, see if he does something stupid, and if he does, laugh at him.

I know it's better to just ignore, but this nonsense is starting to get out of hand. I feel for you.

As someone that did physically pummel the crap out of MOW while my wxh watched, I will say this:

Don't do it again. You are way better than that, and now she gets the sick satisfaction of thinking that 2 people are fighting over her.

With that said, I think you needed to do that. You have proven that you are not to be messed with. Don't slink away next time. Be polite and walk away.

They get the ultimate dickhead prize of each other.

Sounds like he is insecure. After all, he got your sloppy seconds. He knows he can never be the man you are and it drives him to goad you.

Glad you got that out of your system, try to laugh at him next time.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

From my armchair, I will diagnose OM as a sociopath. The sociopath needs to "win" at all costs. However, a "win" for them is different than what most would consider a "win". A "win" for them is when someone else is totally destroyed. The trophy really isn't your WW. The trophy is you and your destruction.

eta:

Baiting the man you've taken everything from is also the behaviour of a 9 year old.

Please don't insult your DS9. Your DS would behave better than this.

P.S. Yeah, boy, I imagine Gru is lucky you didn't give him the punch he deserves. He would still be seeing stars!

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:11 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]