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I just feel so angry at the moment. WBF is away AGAIN. And I am fed up with a remote relationship. I need to talk to him on the phone yet I hate it, its not enough.

I can't even say what it is I'm angry about, but every time I talk to him I get really mad. I have zero tolerance. I don't want to hear the word sorry one more time, it doesn't cut it.

I know its a cycle and it will go round again, it feels safer now to vent to him because I have had enough and its all spewing out.

It's okay to be angry. It's the rollercoaster ride from H-LL. Him traveling does not help the situation, either. I wish he would find a different job that keeps him home for you. His traveling is the trigger, I think.

Do something special for yourself today. I'm so sorry you're hurting.

(((KG)))

Yes, its a big trigger - his A happened on a trip.

We'll see how serious he is about R and if he changes his work.

I'm keeping busy and as much as it would be good to talk to him, I know it will bring out more anger.

Thanks for replying, I don't know what I was looking for but I do get support from here.

So now the fog has finally lifted for him I want to move forward - but I am worried my anger will impact that progress. Anyone gone backwards after R really starts?

yeah, once the R started really working, I started getting that fear of losing him back... and it has created a lot of anger on my part now... It's almost like the anger is a layer of subconscious protection...

I'm interested in what you said steadfast - do you mean protection from being hurt?

I feel like I could be sabotaging the thing I have been waiting for - true remorse and progress - but now its happened I am angry that he finally gets it and didn't get it before.

If patience is required, I will have to be very strong.

I guess you could kind of say to yourself: We're not long in this world. I maybe have 50 (?) years left before what's likely to be a fairly dull eternity. I'd like to use those 50 years being as happy as I can be. I tend to be happy when I have happy people around me who love me. So the more I focus on making my friends, family, and boyfriend happy (not in a totally rollover weirdo way), the happier I'll be. And if my boyfriend acts like a jerk again, that's his loss, not mine, because there are a 100 other guys queuing up to meet me. Sorry to get all Zen-like on you there!

Yes, Katie. If I stay angry, he can't blindside me again... That's the only thing it can be... the better he behaves, the angrier I get!

OOooh that helps anothermoron, I like the Zen stuff. Yes I can try and be a bit more Zen, especially now we are on the road.

So I feel calmer today - maybe that's because he's coming home.

We are going to MC on Monday and I have asked him if I can run through my remaining detail questions this weekend with him. It feels like he is in a different place now and I am hoping for a calmer conversation.

Trouble is, before his recent change of wanting to fix himself, I left the remaining questions behind. I realised that I didn't need to know any more. But it feels like a new opportunity to kill them all and then move to MC for the deeper issues.

The worry is, given my recent angry phase, that this will trigger more anger and I'll go backwards. Do I leave the questions where they were or clean out once and for all?

I missed the rest of this. How was your MC session today? How do you feel? I hope it brought you some peace. Just know that you are going to go forward and backward and forward again with R. We have so much to sort through, and your feelings are normal.

(((KG)))