You know, I think most waywards are in a shitty place when they have an affair -- or else, why would they? So then, when they come clean sometimes they do get to see actual, real love -- unconditional love that says "Yes, I will give you another try." That must feel pretty good, so for a while I do think that they are in a somewhat better place, b/c we BSes have all this hurt to lug around with us, all the time.
But, if they are remorseful, they hurt when we hurt, too. My H likens it to having a black cloud over him all the time. And, many of them worry that we will decide that it is a deal breaker, or they aren't in fact worth it.
Not all waywards are schmucks, and if they are then yeah, it they get a better deal. Otherwise, it pretty much sucks for everyone.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:19 PM, May 15th (Thursday)]