I feel like, I am getting more hurt each time he has a positive breakthrough.
So first he tells me the half story and I believe him but I am wounded and hurt. We want to stay together so we work at it.
The he tells me the real truth and I am cut down deeper and more hurt but he is unburdened and free.
Then he finally comes out of the fog that has been holding R back and realises he has to fix himself - great news for him but it has sent me even deeper down, angry and revisiting all the painful details again.
The more he improves the worse I feel!!!
Pre-A I was very much "in love" with WH and had no clue how deep of a hole he had sunk into. Right after dday I was convinced that we could overcome any obsticale but he wouldn't agree to NC so I asked him to leave.
Since the fog lifted WH has been very much in puppy dog love with me. Lots of warm fuzzy feelings and long tight hugs.
I on the other hand have drifted slowly from luke warm to giving him the cold shoulder to (now) room temperature feelings for him. Throughout the last year I have gone through many phases of "this marraige is doomed" and "I'm so glad I stayed and worked it out".
He is the one holding our relationship together, he is our cheerleader. Our MC once told me that the secret to a long marriage is that both parties can't fall out of love at the same time. I'm paraphrasing of course so I hope it makes sense...
But, if they are remorseful, they hurt when we hurt, too. My H likens it to having a black cloud over him all the time. And, many of them worry that we will decide that it is a deal breaker, or they aren't in fact worth it.
Not all waywards are schmucks, and if they are then yeah, it they get a better deal. Otherwise, it pretty much sucks for everyone.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:19 PM, May 15th (Thursday)]