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Newest Member: Calmate (46012)

User Topic: Feeling jealous. And bitter.
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was defriended on Facebook a while back by a girl with whom I attended high school. I'm not positive but I think it's because I posted something political that she disagreed with. Which, you know, I never agreed with what SHE thought, but I thought people could have different opinions and still be friends. But whatever, I digress.

I've been rolling along fairly zen today, whatever will be will be, and then I just saw that she posted a very amusing "Dr. Seuss" cartoon about pregnancy and childbirth to the wall of our mutual friend, who was the maid of honor at my wedding and who has three kids. So out of curiosity I clicked on her name. Profile pic is a 3D ultrasound shot of her SEVENTH child who is due in August. Seventh. Fucking SEVENTH child. She's a year younger than me. SEVEN FUCKING CHILDREN.

I feel like crying. All over her facebook page, Happy Mother's Day to such an AMAZING mom! Not saying she's not amazing, but clearly she's much more amazing than someone who fails more than she succeeds at producing children. It's so fucking unfair. SO. FUCKING. UNFAIR.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6962 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
DeadMumWalking
♀ 25341
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((JanaGreen))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2713 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Jana))))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26468 | Registered: Aug 2011
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You do not fail !!!

I understand your jealousy, but please do not ever blame yourself.

(((Hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Pentup
♀ 20563
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Jana))))
It is unfair. You do know in your heart (I hope) that being an amazing mother is not about birthing children or being able to produce children. It is the time spent afterwards raising children, whether they come to you or through you, that qualifies the amazing part.

Go kick the hell out of a pillow, have a cry, hug your Bean and know that I and many others care when you hurt.

[This message edited by Pentup at 1:38 PM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6717 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you hurt Jana.


(((((Jana)))))


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6527 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Jana))))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53299 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wish I could let go of this anger and this sense of unfairness. I know life isn't fair. Much worse things happen to much nicer people.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6962 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Pentup
♀ 20563
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are allowed to work through this. I think it is a rare person who is dealt a blow that does not reel back a little before pushing through it.

Cut yourself some slack. Personally, I would probably print off her picture and color a few of her teeth in. That always helps.

((Jana))


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6717 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Jana))))

I could say any number of cliché things like "everything happens for a reason" "it will happen when it's supposed to" and blah de blah blah fuckity blah. But it does nothing to take your pain away.

I personally can't see how being a brood mare could allow you to be an awesome mom. I'm absolutely certain that the love you have for your child, and the parent that you are far exceeds anything she can comprehend. I also wouldn't be surprised to hear her perfect life isn't so great. A lot of these women who have baby after baby after baby do it to keep their spouse around.

You are an amazing woman, and I do not know why God, the Universe, or Karma does not see fit to let you make another person. But know that we all care, and are rooting for you.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8888 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.

I know, most likely, it'll happen for us. I have an appointment at a high-risk clinic in three weeks. They'll do genetic testing on us. We'll get good advice.

Even if it doesn't happen - I do have this wonderful kid. Who sleeps through the night and is potty-trained. Life's easier with a preschool kid than with a baby. One child is financially easier than two. There are benefits, life is good with one great kid and one great husband.

Still. There's this loud I WANT in my head. You know? I'm blessed and I'm lucky, I still have that WANT.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6962 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
itainteasy
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not a failure, Jana.

TBH, that person sounds like a twat.

Not because she's got 7 kids, but because she's a narrow minded douche.

(((((Jana))))))


Posts: 3430 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Want2help
♀ 20547
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Janna)))

I hope she is caught in an avalanche of poopy diapers.

I can only imagine how you fell, we're only having one by choice (finances and time really don't allow us a second child), but I still feel a twinge of bitterness every time I see someone with megaloads of kids. I can only imagine how I'd feel if I had experienced the losses that you have.

(((((so many hugs for you)))))

Also:

I personally can't see how being a brood mare could allow you to be an awesome mom.

Oh man, this killed me.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2352 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to see her fairly regularly at birthday parties for my MOH's kids (they've moved now ). Honestly I was always impressed at how happy she seemed and how well she handled having so many kids (I think she's had 2 more since I last saw her). It actually really stung me that she defriended me, because I liked her, even though we were very different. Anyway, I digress. I wish her well, I'm just jealous.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6962 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
MissesJai
♀ 24849
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Jana)))


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6042 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my dear sisters, whom I love, is an attention whore. Always has been. I guess being at the tail end of a brood of 8, you may feel you don't get enough attention.

My sister was pregnant 10 times, gave birth 6 times. Plus, was a guardian for one of our youngest sister's children. So, a total of 7 children in her home. She loves telling people that she has 7 children. She gets a lot of attention for that. She also gets a lot of attention for the children she lost.

Not only that, every single time I got pregnant, she would almost immediately get pregnant herself. When I had an unplanned pregnancy late in life, she got pregnant on purpose, even though it wasn't a plan before that and she was older now, too. She couldn't stand the attention our family was giving me, which believe me, I didn't want. Most thought it was hilarious that I was over 40 and pregnant. I was having a hard time accepting this pregnancy and was in denial for a long time. I didn't tell my mother and father and sibs until I was almost 6 months pregnant.

Anyway, I am jaded. I see someone (the Duggars) having a bunch of children and I feel it is all about the parents, not the children. So, I am feeling like your friend may be an attention whore OR someone who loves being pregnant, but not necessarily a mother.

Jana, you are a wonderful mother, an amazing mother, a wonderful person.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10082 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Gottagetthrough
27325
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still have that WANT.

Oh, I hear you. I always wanted atleast 5 kids. My marriage went south when #2 was a baby and so while I have two great kids, there is still a WANT for many, many more.

(((((JANA))))


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jan 2010
Gottagetthrough
27325
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It actually really stung me that she defriended me, because I liked her, even though we were very different.

Ive noticed a lot of people are de-friending people these days, and shaving their friend lists down to under 100 or under 200...


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jan 2010
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Jana)))))


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
yewtree
♀ 16671
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just love the SI talking journal that accepts us for every thought we have and supports us when we need validation! Jana, feel what you need to feel. You have been through a lot lately. Be annoyed and jealous here, then go do something nice for yourself.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4712 | Registered: Oct 2007
Topic Posts: 47
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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