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I was defriended on Facebook a while back by a girl with whom I attended high school. I'm not positive but I think it's because I posted something political that she disagreed with. Which, you know, I never agreed with what SHE thought, but I thought people could have different opinions and still be friends. But whatever, I digress.

I've been rolling along fairly zen today, whatever will be will be, and then I just saw that she posted a very amusing "Dr. Seuss" cartoon about pregnancy and childbirth to the wall of our mutual friend, who was the maid of honor at my wedding and who has three kids. So out of curiosity I clicked on her name. Profile pic is a 3D ultrasound shot of her SEVENTH child who is due in August. Seventh. Fucking SEVENTH child. She's a year younger than me. SEVEN FUCKING CHILDREN.

I feel like crying. All over her facebook page, Happy Mother's Day to such an AMAZING mom! Not saying she's not amazing, but clearly she's much more amazing than someone who fails more than she succeeds at producing children. It's so fucking unfair. SO. FUCKING. UNFAIR.

((((JanaGreen))))

(((((Jana))))))

You do not fail !!!

I understand your jealousy, but please do not ever blame yourself.

(((Hugs)))

(((Jana))))
It is unfair. You do know in your heart (I hope) that being an amazing mother is not about birthing children or being able to produce children. It is the time spent afterwards raising children, whether they come to you or through you, that qualifies the amazing part.

Go kick the hell out of a pillow, have a cry, hug your Bean and know that I and many others care when you hurt.

[This message edited by Pentup at 1:38 PM, May 15th (Thursday)]

I'm so sorry you hurt Jana.

(((((Jana)))))

((((Jana))))

I just wish I could let go of this anger and this sense of unfairness. I know life isn't fair. Much worse things happen to much nicer people.

You are allowed to work through this. I think it is a rare person who is dealt a blow that does not reel back a little before pushing through it.

Cut yourself some slack. Personally, I would probably print off her picture and color a few of her teeth in. That always helps.

((Jana))

((((Jana))))

I could say any number of cliché things like "everything happens for a reason" "it will happen when it's supposed to" and blah de blah blah fuckity blah. But it does nothing to take your pain away.

I personally can't see how being a brood mare could allow you to be an awesome mom. I'm absolutely certain that the love you have for your child, and the parent that you are far exceeds anything she can comprehend. I also wouldn't be surprised to hear her perfect life isn't so great. A lot of these women who have baby after baby after baby do it to keep their spouse around.

You are an amazing woman, and I do not know why God, the Universe, or Karma does not see fit to let you make another person. But know that we all care, and are rooting for you.

(((and strength))))

Thank you.

I know, most likely, it'll happen for us. I have an appointment at a high-risk clinic in three weeks. They'll do genetic testing on us. We'll get good advice.

Even if it doesn't happen - I do have this wonderful kid. Who sleeps through the night and is potty-trained. Life's easier with a preschool kid than with a baby. One child is financially easier than two. There are benefits, life is good with one great kid and one great husband.

Still. There's this loud I WANT in my head. You know? I'm blessed and I'm lucky, I still have that WANT.

You're not a failure, Jana.

TBH, that person sounds like a twat.

Not because she's got 7 kids, but because she's a narrow minded douche.

(((((Jana))))))

(((Janna)))

I hope she is caught in an avalanche of poopy diapers.

I can only imagine how you fell, we're only having one by choice (finances and time really don't allow us a second child), but I still feel a twinge of bitterness every time I see someone with megaloads of kids. I can only imagine how I'd feel if I had experienced the losses that you have.

(((((so many hugs for you)))))

Also:

I personally can't see how being a brood mare could allow you to be an awesome mom.

Oh man, this killed me.

I used to see her fairly regularly at birthday parties for my MOH's kids (they've moved now ). Honestly I was always impressed at how happy she seemed and how well she handled having so many kids (I think she's had 2 more since I last saw her). It actually really stung me that she defriended me, because I liked her, even though we were very different. Anyway, I digress. I wish her well, I'm just jealous.

(((Jana)))

One of my dear sisters, whom I love, is an attention whore. Always has been. I guess being at the tail end of a brood of 8, you may feel you don't get enough attention.

My sister was pregnant 10 times, gave birth 6 times. Plus, was a guardian for one of our youngest sister's children. So, a total of 7 children in her home. She loves telling people that she has 7 children. She gets a lot of attention for that. She also gets a lot of attention for the children she lost.

Not only that, every single time I got pregnant, she would almost immediately get pregnant herself. When I had an unplanned pregnancy late in life, she got pregnant on purpose, even though it wasn't a plan before that and she was older now, too. She couldn't stand the attention our family was giving me, which believe me, I didn't want. Most thought it was hilarious that I was over 40 and pregnant. I was having a hard time accepting this pregnancy and was in denial for a long time. I didn't tell my mother and father and sibs until I was almost 6 months pregnant.

Anyway, I am jaded. I see someone (the Duggars) having a bunch of children and I feel it is all about the parents, not the children. So, I am feeling like your friend may be an attention whore OR someone who loves being pregnant, but not necessarily a mother.

Jana, you are a wonderful mother, an amazing mother, a wonderful person.

I still have that WANT.

Oh, I hear you. I always wanted atleast 5 kids. My marriage went south when #2 was a baby and so while I have two great kids, there is still a WANT for many, many more.

(((((JANA))))

It actually really stung me that she defriended me, because I liked her, even though we were very different.

Ive noticed a lot of people are de-friending people these days, and shaving their friend lists down to under 100 or under 200...

((((Jana)))))

I just love the SI talking journal that accepts us for every thought we have and supports us when we need validation! Jana, feel what you need to feel. You have been through a lot lately. Be annoyed and jealous here, then go do something nice for yourself.