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Moving Forward

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killinmesoftly posted 5/15/2014 14:43 PM

Hi all so I am newly separated from my W, she ended our marriage yesterday and today I got an apartment but it wont be ready till Tuesday.

My question is how do you move on when your heart is destroyed and the person that you lived for no longer whats to be with you..

I need strength

nowiknow23 posted 5/15/2014 14:48 PM

((((killinmesoftly)))) This is all very new for you, hon, so it's going to take some time. The best advice I can give you is to focus on your self care. Invest in yourself. Counseling can help with this.

getnbtr1 posted 5/15/2014 14:50 PM

s l o w l y. Very slowly. I surrounded myself with my friends. They were there with me through the move and the rebuilding. I stayed connected all the time. Being alone was rough. I also got into a new relationship right away. I *thought* it was the real deal. Having him in my life buffered me from the pain I should have been feeling. It wasn't the real deal. It was a rebound, for both of us. It ended a month ago when he went back to his ex (insert punch in the stomach) and all the pain from my divorce that I was spared from due to being in a new relationship has come crashing down on me. I am weepy, and depressed, and can't sleep or eat. I'm at ground zero because I ran from the pain. This is going to hurt, and its going to take a while for you to begin to heal and to feel stronger. Please eat, try to rest, stay hydrated, and reach out to friends and family and ask for help, company, support, and encouragement. You need it. I'm so very sorry that you are going through this.

Forged1 posted 5/15/2014 15:10 PM

Hi all so I am newly separated from my W, she ended our marriage yesterday and today I got an apartment but it wont be ready till Tuesday.

My D-day was a few months back and I am moving into my new place this weekend. I've been moving my stuff every night this week. I think I'm perhaps a little further down the road than you are, but not by much.

My question is how do you move on when your heart is destroyed and the person that you lived for no longer whats to be with you..


For a start, you start to realize that you're actually still with the person for whom you should have been living all along - yourself.

I need strength

You already have it. You don't realize that right now, but you are far, far stronger than you know. You'll begin to see that once you move. I know I did once I started to pack all my things and move them into my new place.

norabird posted 5/15/2014 15:48 PM

At first, 'moving on' consists of small steps, or big ones that pain you deeply and yet that you do anyway, like moving into a new place and packing up your old life. I remember putting my stuff from 'our' shared apartment in storage and leaning against the closed storage unit door and just crying my heart out on the floor. But then I got up and left, you know? You just keep doing what you have to do. When you need to take a night or a week and reel from the shock and pain, you do that. But you stay conscious of the future too, and reach out to people, plan new activities, do things for yourself, journal your feelings out, read about the process of healing...it's slow but it speeds up after you accept it and the world starts to feel more normal. Don't put too much pressure on yourself now, practice self-care, get support from friends and family, try to find the silver lining, and if you still hurt like the dickens, forgive yourself and don't try to rush along your emotions. they have their own pace. This is a trauma but you WILL get over it.

Smashedat58 posted 5/15/2014 21:45 PM

It hurts so bad at first, the rejection, but you get up every day and take care of yourself or your thoughts will destroy you. You need your friends, they love you and not for romantic reasons. Romance is fleeting, friends are forever. They want to help you, but only you can tell them how. Don't let yourself be lonely in this healing time. And what everyone says about time is true but hell to live through. It does heal all wounds. You will be whole again.

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