I wasn't trying to catch him cheating. I thought I had caught it and turned it around in feb.
I confronted him and when he denied it, I reached for his phone. I was eight weeks post partum and started to say, "if you want this phone, you will have to physically take it from me.", but he wrestled me to the ground before I could finish the sentence.
Then came the trickle truth over the next five days.
They were just best friends.
They just made out.
They were having an affair and calling each other husband and wife. They were working together all day, then meeting each other in parking lots to have sex, then texting each other 6000 times a month. They were having unprotected sex.
He text her over 300 times on the day I gave birth. I was able to recover some of the deleted texts, and that morning, while I was in labor, she said "oh, I didn't think you'd be able to talk to me." And he said, "no, it's ok, she's in her own world."
Having your baby.
I filed for divorce, because I didn't know anyone could ever save a marriage after infidelity. He refused to leave the house, and my lawyer said I couldn't make him.
I've caught him in at least two lies since discovery day, about contact with other woman.
My infant son had a mystery rash/blisters in his groin that went away with topical care, so the pediatrician called it normal. However, my blood tests came back positive for an std. And the lesions looked exactly like my babies. Had my husband come clean in feb, when I confronted him, I could have elected to have a csection so my baby would not have been exposed. I was already considering a section anyway, from #2 birth experience.
I think a marriage can make it through cheating. But this is a very special kind of cheating. All those nights up with a crying baby or toddler, waiting for him to come home, lonely as hell, unhappy and blaming myself...and he's out in some parking lot screwing a 21 yr old.
I would do anything for my kids, including trying to work it out with this man. But I have no faith he can change, and my kids are young enough to get through this without trauma.
He cries. He is closed off and quiet. The man does not talk, never has, unless I ask the right questions worded exactly. He has not followed through any of his promises, like therapy or dr or parenting classes. He has bought me jewelry, and flowers, but still managed to miss Mother's Day because he "didn't have time to shop".
I'm angry and empty. I would feel better if I could be sad, and cry it all out, but nothing. I have started therapy and feel strong.
We are putting the house up for sale. We coexist, and sometimes it feels like we are friends, but I can not think about letting him touch me. We pack boxes and divide our belongings and make jokes.
I don't understand this new life.
Sounds like you have been strong and you are moving in a firm direction. How have you been doing. In house separations are not easy.
Sending you continued strength to get you through.
This is a horrible situation. Risking your son's and your health.
Others will be along with more advice. Please know you are heard and everyone will be "pulling for you".
Hopefully, therapy will be a godsend.
It's going to be a long crazy ride, so please take a deep breath, and know that you will find support here and that you will be okay. You. Will. Be. Okay.
It may sound obvious but the advise to take care of you is paramount. Make yourself eat, it doesn't matter what, just get something down, meal replacement shakes will help. Drink lots of water, get some exercise even if it's just walking and get some sunlight. Protect yourself from stress, if this means cutting back on commitments don't feel guilty and allow yourself to grieve.
I'm so sorry you are going through this
If that's the case, then I think it's the smartest move you could make and I hope it happens as soon as possible for you.
Any man that could stoop to this horrific level of disrespect - right down to bringing home herpes to his wife and unborn child - deserves to live in a cardboard box under the railroad tracks. The man doesn't care about anyone but himself and has proven that to you over and over and over. Why should you compromise yourself even one more day to forgive such an atrocity?
I think you're right - your kids are young enough where the impact of separation won't be as traumatic for them.
I understand that you were raised to think 'nothing is unforgiveable,' but that doesn't mean you have to sell of little pieces of your soul to someone like him in order to put that belief into practice.
It's time to put YOURSELF first. You've bent over backwards enough for this ungrateful user. All he's done is take and all you've done is give.
I filed for divorce, because I didn't know anyone could ever save a marriage after infidelity.
I'm so very sorry.
You can't force a person to do things they don't want to do, and you certainly can't make him love you, because he is very very broken.
You are right. You can forgive him, you can love him. But YOU DO NOT have to tolerate the abuse he has subjected you to for one second longer.
You can stand up and say no more. I am worth more, and I will have it with or without you. Since he seems unwilling to own his shit, and is more concerned about getting sleep with 3 little ones to worry about I would urge you to take giant steps to protect yourself and your children financially, and from any further heartbreak.
Regardless of the outcome, you need to file for D, and CS NOW. He is screwing some young floosy, that doesn't use protection. If she ends up pregnant she too will want a piece of his financial pie. You should definitely come first.
Start focusing on you, and your babies. I have no doubt that you will come through this stronger, smarter, and braver than you ever imagined you would be.
Sometimes life throws shit instead of flowers.
He has not followed through any of his promises, like therapy or dr or parenting classes.
[This message edited by krsplat at 6:49 PM, May 16th (Friday)]
You sound very intelligent and strong. Deep breaths. Big hugs. :(
Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
It's just not that simple.