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Newest Member: Kitty44 (60743)

User Topic: How to decide whats best for all
♀ 27088
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, May 15th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its late and as usual, I can't sleep. I'm up thinking about what I want to do and what is going to best for all of us.

My employment ends next Wednesday... I'm sad, I was there 13 years. I built a career there but taking a severance package and moving on was something I had to do. I couldn't make more money there and I can't totally depend on stbxh to have support for me on time or a specific amount. He left me in a lease that I cannot afford comfortably even with support.

So on top of everything else he has forced on me, taking the package was something I had to do. I stayed at that job forever so that he could jump around, change career paths, make irresponsible career choices while I was steady and reliable. I now have to say goodbye to 13 years because financially I can't stay there I have to find something else. So I lose something I built long term because of more thing I lose.

So now I'm contemplating staying here or moving north. He's not being a good father to our children while playing fake daddy to his whores kids. I have no family here....why should I stay.

My teenagers won't be thrilled about moving. The little guy won't be either. If stbxh really got his shit together and put all 3 kids first I wouldn't want to do this. His bullshit is crushing my babies they are hurting so badly.

We need a fresh start, we need to get away from him. I never thought in a million years that I would consider moving my kids away from their dad but I never thought he would turn into a complete selfish ass man who would put someone before them.

I really feel its time we move on.

BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1327 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's put a hold on that idea and talk about it with our lawyer first, okay? LOTS AND LOTS of parenting plans forbid the primary parent from moving more than XX miles away from the non-custodial parent.

I don't blame you one bit for wanting to move away. I support you in the idea! However, I want you to make sure that you won't get yourself in any legal trouble by doing it. I want you to make sure that you won't be getting in trouble for taking the kid(s) away from their father, away from their neighborhood, friends, family, whatever. I want you to consider that if you move away, you may ultimately be the one responsible for all travel on the part of the children to see their dad.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:41 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely talk to your lawyer about it. If you do move, odds are he will get big blocks of visitation time for Christmas and spring breaks, as well as summer. I know one woman who had to agree to pay for all the travel expenses for visitation with her ex in exchange for him agreeing to let her go.

I would guess your attorney is going to tell you that if your ex doesn't agree to a move, you have to ask a judge to decide. Best interests of the children is always the primary standard. So, start documenting him missing visitation and missing events or concerts, etc. Document how much you talk to any relatives who live where you are thinking of going and if the kids ever communicate with them. Also, do your research regarding job opportunities and cost of living in your area and in areas where you are thinking of moving. If you can get a good job making more money in your town or somewhere reasonably close, a judge might not let you go.

Bottom line - talk to your attorney and get the stats to support a move.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 3866 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes moving is the best option. We just moved in December. (far enough for new schools and friends, not far enough for legal issues) My DD17 is a Junior in HS. She wasn't thrilled, but she's adjusting. It was the hardest on her. DS12 and DS8 are doing just fine. But as everyone has pointed out, make sure you know the legal repercussions.

One day
I'm gonna forget your name,
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain. - "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 3390 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Topic Posts: 4

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