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Newest Member: Thankful (46008)

User Topic: OW contacted ME again...
BuckeyeBlues
♀ 43373
Member # 43373
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found via FB message on 5/7 (although she sent the message on 4/27), and I just looked again and had another message from her, sent Wednesday. I don't see these right away because she is not my friend (and won't ever be).
Here is her second message:
"Your husband has been cheating on you for years...I don't know...maybe that doesnt bother you"

What bothers me is that she keeps contacting me. My WS says there has been no contact between them, and has offered up his phone and tablet to me to make sure. I said, I think it's time for a no contact letter. He will write one today, and I will look it over, and send it. Should I block her? This is why I am thankful that my KIDS don't have FB (although they are old enough).


Married for 19 years
Me: 44, BW
Him: 53, WH
2 teenagers
D-Day: 5/7/14
Taking it one day at a time...

Posts: 22 | Registered: May 2014
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely block OW. Yes, a NC letter is in order.

OW is trying to undermine any headway you have made in reconciliation. You don't need that crap.

Your husband has been cheating on you for years...I don't know...maybe that doesnt bother you"
Fucking passive aggressive slunty bitch!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10082 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
NeverAgain2013
♀ 38121
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't be so sure she's lying.

Cheaters sometimes confide in their affair partners about what they've done in the past, and maybe he did tell her some things he'd done before he had his affair with her.

As Dr. Phil says, for every rat you DO see, there are 50 more you don't.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1951 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
OakStreet
♀ 41193
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the Sister. Block her ass.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 553 | Registered: Nov 2013
BuckeyeBlues
♀ 43373
Member # 43373
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Fucking passive aggressive slunty bitch! "

Thanks, I needed that!!! LOL

And, in all fairness, he cheated WITH her for 5 years. He swears up and down that she was the only one. I even told him to come clean with me know, because if I find out about prior ones at a later time, he would be gone.


Married for 19 years
Me: 44, BW
Him: 53, WH
2 teenagers
D-Day: 5/7/14
Taking it one day at a time...

Posts: 22 | Registered: May 2014
sunvalley
♀ 42952
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"maybe that doesn't bother you"

Do those sound like the words of someone who is trying to be helpful to your healing? She is trying to push buttons and get to you, she wants you to reply...yes I agree there is a possibility that he told her there were others, but chances are it's just her being spiteful and mean too...especially if their A went on for 5yrs. Do not reply, do not give her the satisfaction of even a "I know"....I only wish I had done the same in my situation! Simply delete her ass and never look back. Get the WS to do up a NC letter ASAP and let her know that you are a unified front against any further contact to either of you.


Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs, multiple online As

Posts: 767 | Registered: Mar 2014
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I feel OW probably meant he was cheating with it for years. *shrug* It is exactly what the OW in my situation tried to do and exaggerating everything. Telling me I should divorce him for cheating.

Look, our spouses are/were liars. The AP's are liars. I would be more likely to believe the remorseful liar I know and love as opposed to a liar who has their own agenda and not my best interest at heart.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10082 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Tearsoflove
♀ 8271
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the "maybe it doesn't bother you" comment is an indication of how much it bothers her that you're still with him. I agree that you should block her.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4306 | Registered: Sep 2005
tfkeel
♂ 19517
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your husband has been cheating on you for years...I don't know...maybe that doesnt bother you

APs sometimes become APs because they have a need to prove themselves "worthy".... being able to "steal" a man....

Like arsonists, they want to "watch it burn"....

The other way people sometimes prove themselves "worthy" is by denigrating others...

This OW is, in my opinion, satisfying her own needs by contacting you. She is gloating over her "win" and your "loss", and stating that your husband won't "cheat" on her....because she is superior....

[This message edited by tfkeel at 10:43 AM, May 16th (Friday)]


Posts: 666 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
tryin2havefaith
♀ 37165
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do. Not. Reply. I cannot reiterate it enough.

These people feed on the ego kibbles they can get. There is nothing OW can offer but more grief to you at this point. It is probably manipulation and attention seeking on OW's part. Do not give in to it. Concentrate on you and your healing.

Continue to verify. Your DDay is very recent if it is near your sign up day on SI, so strap in for a long rollercoaster ride.

Trust the wisdom of the veterans on here.

(((HUGS)))


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
Furious1
♀ 42970
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Your husband has been cheating on you for years...I don't know...maybe that doesnt bother you"

And she was nothing but the slunt that he cheated with. What does she want? A medal? A Bozo button? I mean, really! Sounds like she's desperate for any kind of attention. That is so pathetic.

I would send the NC letter and then block her.


BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 19 years. SD: 26 from his 1st. M. DS: 21 from 1st M. DD: 17 (autistic)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 7 year EA followed by 8 year PA with my sister.

Posts: 386 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blocking her is a good idea, but if she really wants to contact you, she'll create another FB account.

It's time to send the NC letter - and your H needs to mention that if the bitch tries to contact either of you, legal action will be taken.

Oh, and before you block, print out the messages...just in case you need them in the future.

Hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5172 | Registered: May 2007
Faithful w/Love
♀ 33128
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey she trying to get your goat, cause issues in you again and bring hurt.

These bitches are something else. The ones that feel entitled like they are the wife or something. There is a reason they are the OW and that the man doesn't leave his wife. Because they are broken and just down right disgusting creators.

I know how you feel because I have one just like this but she like to post on twitter...Don't let her get to you! She is NOTHING and she knows it.

Lord, I just don't understand the minds of AP's. They need to all be blown to an island of their own.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2890 | Registered: Aug 2011
momentintime
♀ 16394
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What bothers you or doesn't is none of her damn business. Sounds like she wants to cause trouble and she is working on you and trying to instill fear and mistrust. Block her, ignore her and keep mending your M. She has shown her hand. She wants him and YOU are in the way. So she is working an angle to get what she wants....your H. So sad for her.....NOT.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 3018 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
krsplat
♀ 43242
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd go with D) All of the above.

DO block her.
DO NOT respond to her in any way. She wants to hurt you.
DO have your WH sent an NC letter which you read and approve first. Watch him send it.
DO assume there might be some truth to her statement. After finding out about my WH and LTA slunt, it took two more weeks for him to come clean about his long history of porn and ONSs, and I only learned about it because the slunt sent me nasty messages like the one you got.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Looks like it was a dealbreaker after all

Posts: 395 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
Adeahan
♂ 43005
Member # 43005
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah sounds like she is trying to get under your skin, let her rot in N/C land.


Me 33, H 31,D-Day 03/30/14, Together 12 years, married 2, 3 kids, 3 dogs, Working on R
"nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ainít about how hard you hit. Itís about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"

Posts: 138 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario, Canada
Adeahan
♂ 43005
Member # 43005
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah sounds like she is trying to get under your skin, let her rot in N/C land.


Me 33, H 31,D-Day 03/30/14, Together 12 years, married 2, 3 kids, 3 dogs, Working on R
"nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ainít about how hard you hit. Itís about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"

Posts: 138 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario, Canada
12yearsloyal
♀ 43064
Member # 43064
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Block her Azz, change all of the phone numbers, all of the e-mail addresses. She needs to go away. If for some reason she gets the new e-mails and/or phone numbers then slam her ass back with threatening a harassment restraining order. She needs to go away NOW.

Take full control of all of the technology in your house. Cancel FB if necessary. You can live without it for peace of mind.


Him: WS, 51 LTA/EA/PA(he says 1 yr, evidence = 2 yrs) D Day 3/10/14
Me: BS 52
OW: Caribbean whore, ugly
What I want: Profound, deep, passionate love.
What I got: Betrayal, heartache and Xanax.

Posts: 182 | Registered: Apr 2014
PeaceLove187
♀ 33559
Member # 33559
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does it even matter if what she says is true? Maybe he had previous affairs and maybe he didn't but the fact is he's still a cheater. Focus on the behaviors you know and make him fix himself. The important thing is that there are no more future affairs, which means he either makes the changes necessary to make you feel safe or you leave. If he's in the process of making those changes, then she's nothing but a piece of trash he left behind.


BW--Me, 57
FWH--Him, 59
Married 35 years
Empty Nesters

Posts: 642 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
Want2help
♀ 20547
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be more likely to believe the remorseful liar I know and love as opposed to a liar who has their own agenda and not my best interest at heart.

^^^This.

Ow sent me this kind of message often after the affair. I didn't find SI for a year, so we never wrote a NC letter. She took this as free rign to contact ME.

She wasn't getting a response out of FWH, so she tried (for years) to get it out of me.

Get that NC letter written. Draft it together. Even with an attorney if you want it to really pack a punch, but get it done.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014

Reconciled


Posts: 2352 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Topic Posts: 21
Pages: 1 · 2

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