I suggest that you focus less on how much you love him and focus a little on loving YOU right now. Are you eating? Sleeping? Leaving the house to get sun annd fresh air? Are you talking to a sympathetic listener, like a counselor or a friend? Are you doing little things for yourself: more coffee shop treats or new shoes or hot baths? And have you read everything you can in The Healing Library on this site? Please do...
If he is still flirting -- or more -- after seeing how much pain it causes you, then he is NOT worth your time and effort.
I know how much it hurts, RunningonE.
I can tell you that it gets better. Slowly, but it gets better.
There are a few things that can help, even if for short periods of time at the outset: IC; being with very close family/friends; exercise; funny movies; shopping; pets; reading on SI and anything else that peaks your interest. Try to sleep when you're tired; eat and drink, if only a little bit every day. If you need medication for depression or anxiety, ask for it. Reach out and ask for help. This is a horrible trauma and one that you shouldn't have to endure alone.
I know it's so much easier said than done, but try your very best to go NC with him. I don't know your story, but if you're married, see a lawyer just to get a sense of your rights. If you have children, only communicate with him by text or email and only about the kids. NC will help you get some clarity and start the very beginning of the healing phase.
Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. 2 weeks is not a lot of time at all. It will get better.
The aloneness is so hard. Are you seeing an IC? This was imperative for me. I also talked to my sister on the phone almost everyday. She was safe. I had a couple coworker friends who had been thru it and supported me. I will never forget what they did for me and how grateful I was and still am.
I also worked extra which helped alot the whole first year. I was parttime basically (very very busy stressful job even parttime) so I could add an extra day a week. Kept me away from my house of memories and aloneness.
I continued going for walks outside everyday.
I also had my elderly blind deaf dog who required serious caregiving.
Please make sure you're eating, drinking calorie liquids like ensure or boost everyday to prevent weight loss. And drink plenty of water and other fluids.
There were plenty of people I didn't or don't share with. Some just are not safe.
You're so early in this process. It will get better. Every moment you find yourself not thinking of "it" or ws, revel in it for at least that moment. Then there'll be more and more and longer moments.
By the way, this is true abandonment what you're experiencing. The suddenness of all of this causes PTSD like feelings, symptoms. IC can really help and stay posting and reading here. Lots of support. Have you read the healing library in the yellow box?
Hugs and more hugs.
[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 10:55 AM, May 18th (Sunday)]
You are an adult woman and mother. You have value and you have worth. Value and worth are not dependent on a man, and I don't think you realize that yet.
Before you "fix" a relationship, you have to "fix" yourself. The first step is to realize that you should never make someone responsible for your happiness. YOU are responsible for your happiness. It's up to you to make your own life by focusing on being a good mother and a good person.
He is unreliable. He may never come back and to hope that he will is futile. Direct that hope toward making a life for yourself and children.
He has abandoned you and your children. If he is not sending you child support, see a lawyer and have him draw up what is necessary to insure your children are taken care of financially.
If he should call or contact you, do not plead, cry, whine, or beg him to come back to you. Behave like a grown, strong, responsible, self sufficient woman...even if you don't feel this way.
Now, read this next sentence very carefully.
We can often change how we feel by how we behave.
How do I not plead and beg. I feel okay instill I see him. I love him so much and I break down when I see him and I loose myself when he is here.I have never felt So low and pathetic.
And do you think he will find this attractive? Do you think this will make him admire and want to be with you?
Re-read the last sentence of my previous post.
It's hard and there are plenty of distractions from you accomplishing this, but ignore the distractions of thoughts about him as best as possible. Eat, because you are only hurting yourself by not doing so. And, you hurting yourself is selfish, because only pisses off the people that really care about you at this moment. (he's not noticing, but your friends and family are.)
I'm in class right now to get a new degree, my situation has fu*ked with my head,terribly. I'll be reading and 3 pages later... what the hell did I read? So, what do I do? Do I put the book down and think of how much it hurts and I miss him? No, I re-read. Because, I have to make myself a better person. He doesn't make me who I am, his job was to enhance my life, our life. He doesn't want that job right now. That's ok.
You should really read the 180 in the healing library. You want a challenge?, follow those rules to a Tee. You'll be stronger from them.
Btw, it's not so bad with him not in the house, it makes it easier to let go of the wondering. My WH is still under the same roof. I have the awful pleasure of knowing when he's coming and going.
Best of luck to you, but you are stronger than you think or feel. (hugs)
You can do this and you will!!! Believe me, you ARE stronger than you give yourself credit for. Time really does help the healing. Keep posting here. We're all here for you!!
You can see more of my story on my blog here: http://thatcraftylunchlady.com/?p=833
"Never give up hope and let time heal you"
How do I not plead and beg.
He does NOT deserve you.....
he refuses to give me one chance
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Strength is the only card that is left for you to play. You need to see an attorney and figure out what your options are and get your financial house in order. You have got to assume at this point that you will be doing this on your own and do the best you can for your kids. Start a really hard 180 and only talk to him about the kids or finances.
This is the only advice we can give you but we can give you love and support every step of the way. As one of our posters said long ago, "It is is time to get your bitch boots on."