What kind of things should I ask? He will lie about another woman. He will lie about this being planned although it very obviously was.
I really would like to know what or who set this off other than him. Any ideas would be appreciated.
Way better uses of your time than this.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Don't agree to meet him. If you have to respond just say "Talk about what? That you're a cheater that isn't good enough for me? I already know that so, no thanks."
Seriously 180, close the bakery, find a D lawyer etc. etc. etc. *If* your WH pulls his head out of his ass it won't present to you as "let's talk".
1. Make it in a very public place.
2. Don't expect much. You sit down, and tell him to talk. If he starts making excuses or accusing you of anything, then you stand up, say thank you for wasting your time, and walk out. Don't bother responding.
3. Don't ask anything. If he is truly trying to find a way to help you (I.e show remorse) then he will. You won't have to ask or say anything.
Treat him like a shady car salesman, that you are ready to walk away from the moment the soft shoe starts tapping.
- Is he willing to meet your requirements for R? (I'm assuming you have some.) Full disclosure and transparency. Complete NC with the AP. IC and MC.
- Does he consider this separation therapeudic or a prelude to divorce? If therapeudic, there should be no dating of other people.
- Does he have a lawyer yet and what is his/her name and number?
- How will you handle the joint bills and household expenses? He is still responsible for them.
- When is he moving out and what is he taking with him? He should not be allowed to take household items without your approval. I suggest having someone there to supervise him (not you).
- What is her name and does your state have Alienation of Affection Laws? (Oops, sorry, that's a question for your lawyer.)
- Here is an e-mail address he may contact you at. Please keep it to financial issues only. Discussion about the M can be done in MC. (Sorry again, that's not a question.)
As for questions about "what set this off," only a trained therapist could possibly answer that. The only thing anyone can say with certainty is you did not start this.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
This guy??? The guy who already has an apartment and took off his wedding ring? This guy is a first class ass and I am angry on your behalf.
I know he is way ahead of me in planning thins and I have to play catch up but when I went to the bank I can't access the account where most of the money is. I can't verify phone calls, credit card receipts or anything he has covered his tracks well. I'm thinking PI now because I need ammunition.
I know that this is difficult and painful, the push-pull, but you need to find your anger. Tell him if he has anything to say, it should be from his attorney to yours.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
I will be doing a lot of talking but not to him. We have over twenty five years together or at least in the same vicinity.
He can "want to ________" all he wants.
What do you want?
You don't have to do anything he wants anymore.
If you do decide to go, sit and let him talk, you don't have to discuss anything with him.
My XH would use the " I'd like to talk " carrot to get me to listen to how HE figured our divorce would go. How he would take care of me and the kids, how we would divide the household goods. I let him go on and on and on. In the end, my divorce looks nothing like he envisioned.