No R. D FILED.
She sent all this to you because he isn't leaving! She wants to blow up your marriage and pressure him and strike out at you. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how you feel or what your are thinking.
Have you confronted your H? Let him do most of the talking. We, BS, so often are all over the place and we fill the silence, when we should let that silence work for us. Take a breathe. Challenge him. If he wants to continue to see her then back away. Do the 180. Don't beg or plead. It just reinforces his wanting to distance himself from you, as seeing you as weak. As SI says, you have to be willing to risk the M to save it.
[This message edited by momentintime at 5:54 PM, May 16th (Friday)]
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
If I live to be 200, I'll never understand why people choose to live dual lives like your husband has chosen to do for 10 years. He'd already been with her for 6 years before you even married. Why the hell would he go ahead with the wedding and create this entirely false reality for you? I'm so completely stumped on this.
I don't even have any words.
Just please know that you've been heard and my heart aches for you.
I am so so sorry you find yourself in that position.
Eat, breathe, rest. You will make it through this!
Keep posting. How did he explain his going away to you? Have you confronted him?
I know that must hurt so bad right now. Deep breaths. Better to find out now that waste one more second of your life with that loser.
Anyone can take a few pictures and show off a great relationship. Who know what she said/did to get those flowers (I should be properly appreciated or Ill tell April, etc.). Don't trust it for a second.
They're not happy. They're insanely unhappy or else he would have been with her 9.99 years ago.
He's picking her now because he thinks hes fucked up too badly for you and she's the only one that will have him.
Where I sit, the only stunning one here is you - he's a sociopath, she's pathetic, and you my dear should keep you head up and remember that!
You are young, and you WILL survive this. Hell, you will even THRIVE without him.
I suggest on Monday morning you start making phone calls to attorney offices, set up a consult, and start the process of financially protecting you and your baby.
This OW is nothing but a pathetic piece of trash who was willing to settle for the crumbs he gave her.
Hold your head up high. Take care of yourself as best as you can. Your baby needs one parent who has her best interests at heart.
Get yourself into counseling, a GOOD counselor. She will help guide you through the emotions and come out on top!
I need to get a divorce like yesterday. I wont be swayed by him, I can't.
I am in a no fault state which sucks, and I make too much money for him to give me alimony, but I will have to make him pay in other ways, I just never thought Id have to go down this path.
I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I dont know how i will survive this, but I have no choice
Not at all true! You are NOT pathetic. You loved honestly and authenticly - he is the broken piece of a man who couldn't appreciate the gift of you.
"clearly given that he had an amazing relationship with her."
How amazing could their slutfest really have been if he couldn't be honest about it and show her off in the light of day?
"She can have him, he will do the same to her."
Yes, he will - count on it!
"I need to get a divorce like yesterday. I wont be swayed by him, I can't."
Yes you do. Put those wheels in motion first thing Monday morning. If you find yourself being swayed, just think of what he has done.
"I am in a no fault state which sucks, and I make too much money for him to give me alimony, but I will have to make him pay in other ways, I just never thought Id have to go down this path."
Good for you that you are not tied to him financially. Many people have to endure this hell much longer due to finances. He WILL have to pay you child support and your child deserves it so don't let him off the hook.
"I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I dont know how i will survive this, but I have no choice"
As previously stated, you WILL survive and you WILL thrive. Don't doubt it for one minute.
(((((hugs to you and your beautiful baby)))))
[This message edited by Chicky at 6:52 PM, May 16th (Friday)]
Funny thing is, he showed her off... they went out together, did he want to get caught?!?
I am so glad I can provide for my child on my own, but my baby deserves child support... and unfortunately deserves to know his POS father who will want to be involved (even though he didnt want my baby).
I dont think I can be swayed, I mean, Ok. Once, fine.. but ten years? It's another life/relationship. He came clean and told me she didnt know about me until she got pregnant and wanted the baby, he had to tell her. Stupid for her for hanging around, but he's a manipulative SOB. I really hope I live in this anger, because depression is a scary place for me.
I really hope I live in this anger, because depression is a scary place for me.
Don't be fooled into thinking that your anger will avoid depression.
Freud defined depression as "anger turned inward".
You have already made a statement which is a "red flag" for depression:
I feel like the pathetic one because I couldnt satisfy him...
This is it. Anger turned inward at yourself for failing to accomplish some self-imposed, arbitrary "standard" which cannot be measured.
Please never say you are pathetic, you were a loving & faithful wife. Your H put you in a competition without ever telling you. How could you possibly win? You are normal & healthy; he is broken. You will move on from this & be heathy; he & the OW will remain locked in dysfunction - and they deserve each other.
I'm very sorry for the pain you're going through. I know it's awful now but I can promise you that you WILL get through this. ((Hugs))