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sunsetslost posted 5/17/2014 10:10 AM

My brother is getting married today. I'm working hard to stay centered and calm. Didn't see this trigger coming. It was the wedding program that I proofread that got me. "Love Never Fails".

Isit too early to sample the wedding wine?

IrishLass518 posted 5/17/2014 10:16 AM

((Sunsets)) No it's not too early just don't sample too much or you'll be the next YouTube sensation. Try to find some happiness for your brother and the bride and hang onto a little for yourself. By all means, have a little fun.

PurpleRose posted 5/17/2014 11:32 AM

Hang in there and try not to drink too much. It will make you more emotional than you are.

Hug your brother, tell him and his bride congrats, and remember that you got a raw deal... Not everyone does, but you did. :(

ButterflyGirl posted 5/17/2014 11:47 AM

Certainly not too early for some wine. Just a tad though honey

I filed for divorce, and 8 days later I attended my cousin's wedding. It was a particularly hard one for me because her husband is awesome. Fun-loving, happy go lucky, gets along with everyone, just a blast to be around. There was definitely some sadness and jealousy, but even then, I started seeing what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like..

I don't recommend idolizing anyone, but I think it helps to observe and start making some mental notes of what you want and DO NOT want in your future relationships.

Hugs to you today. I'll give you an extra 100 points if you join in the electric slide

sunsetslost posted 5/17/2014 16:32 PM

That was really difficult. I almost left.

ButterflyGirl posted 5/17/2014 16:49 PM


IrishLass518 posted 5/17/2014 16:52 PM

You didn't though. You made it through, hang on to that

norabird posted 5/17/2014 17:57 PM


I'm sorry. Sending you some strength. If you need to step away from the reception briefly and can get away with it, do that. But try and hang in there and have a little fun dancing or connecting with family. And if there's anyone you can share your feelings with who would understand that might help.

sunsetslost posted 5/17/2014 19:38 PM

Sitting in my room crying. I decided I just need to get this out. I fought it all day but I'll just do this and go back to the party. Thanks for the kind words and support. This sucks

Destroyed121813 posted 5/17/2014 19:45 PM

I think you should find a groomsman and have a quickie in the coat closet before getting drunk.

Love may never fail - according to the program - but lust can be an elixir for those that have to deal with their love.

Heal&Deal posted 5/17/2014 20:11 PM

Good move on taking some time for you before going back. It is hard. I was the maid of honor at a wedding three weeks ago. I had to give the damn first toast. Really.

I have some wedding survival tips for ya:

1) Find the kids table. Yep, they think the event is nonsense too. I totally hung out for a good half hour and colored and, you know, discussed why Oscar the grouch is so grouchy. I refrained from suggesting he had been smacked by infidelity.

2) Find the oldest person in the room and strike up a conversation with them. I found out the older folks thought the elaborate wedding was silly. There was no spouting about "love never fails." Just some talk about not liking the ill fitting tux. No one makes anything well these days, ya know....

3) Talk to one stranger. I actually met the guy who invented teflon pan coating. Seriously. He just wanted to talk about something interesting...which, not surprisingly, did not include the phrase "love never fails" (probably because it is an excedingly false statement - even in the best of relationships - and the guy is a scientist and does not spew nonsense).

4) Get busy helping out. Look for folks struggling and lend a hand. Cousin sitting alone and uncomfortable about it? Mom can't get a refill because Aunt Bertie won't shut the hell up? No one wants to be first to dance? You are needed and can help.

5) Know that it is okay to escape to the bathroom, your room, outside for a deep breath anytime you need to. You can do this.

SBB posted 5/17/2014 21:00 PM

This first wedding I went to I wavered between weeping at the beauty and simplicity of it and cynicism and anger at the naïveté of it.

Angered by their blissful ignorance as much as I was envious of it.

It didn't help that they used some of the same poetry. Holy
Trigger City.

I've been to 2 more weddings since then and whilst I still don't believe "Love Never Fails" it doesn't cause a reaction in me anymore.

You'll get through this. Remember that you weren't the one who failed at marriage - she did.

DepressedDaddy posted 5/17/2014 21:15 PM

Take care of yourself. This is a shitty experience. I haven't been to a wedding, but I can only imagine how hard it will be once I have to go. I found out recently that my brother is planning on proposing to his long time girlfriend. It was hard not to display any cynicism.

sunsetslost posted 5/18/2014 23:15 PM

I feel like I took a thousand steps back. I don't know anymore. I worked my ass off. I tickled the shit out of my 3 year old niece. I can't find it.

sunsetslost posted 5/18/2014 23:15 PM

I feel like I took a thousand steps back. I don't know anymore. I worked my ass off. I tickled the shit out of my 3 year old niece. I can't find it.

persevere posted 5/18/2014 23:23 PM

My BFF s wedding was just a month after my first marriage split and I hooked up w a groomsman it's a big joke now. Lol. So you did better than me!

Thefly559 posted 5/19/2014 05:44 AM

I'm sorry brother. First wedding I went to was horrible , I cried I was angry , I left early , way before the cake. But I got through it as you did. Not too many firsts anymore , I'm a year into divorce and although it still sucks I am finally moving on. All the best brother stay strong!!!

SBB posted 5/19/2014 06:28 AM

Some posted here once: "I'm moving forward, always forward, even if I'm sometimes crawling."

I remember it popping into my head as I lay curled up on the floor (literally) sobbing my eyes out just like DD all over again. It gave me comfort.

You're still moving forward, friend. I hope it gives you comfort too.

There are no words I can say that will make the dips go away right now. They are necessary and I hate them as much as you do.

We all think the worst is behind us then BAM - it feels like you've stepped on a mine.

This wasn't just a wedding - it was a close family wedding. That would be tougher than anything. You made it through, OK. Let yourself feel it without being angry about it.

It feels like a thousand steps back but it really isn't. Grief is a part of healing - it's a speed bump, not a roadblock.

norabird posted 5/19/2014 08:46 AM

It felt like moving backwards--but now it's one more thing you've gotten through, even if you had to drag yourself to the other side by the skin of your teeth.

One day (hopefully soon)you'll be proud of yourself for fighting the good fight, for giving your all with your niece, for coming out battered and bruised but intact.

kg201 posted 5/19/2014 08:55 AM


Respect brother. You were there for family. Your brother will appreciate it, and with some distance you will be proud of yourself for making yourself be there.

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