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Furious1 posted 5/17/2014 10:22 AM

WH and I are trying to reconcile. A week from today, we leave for a week long family vacation to Walt Disney World. We have gone there many times before, but this time is different. This time is post D-day.

I am really struggling. I now know that the first time we went to WDW, WH was involved with OW#1. Looking back, I remember catching him on the pay phone a few times. He claimed he was talking to his sick grandmother, but it turns out that he was actually talking to OW#1.

On top of that, he really treated me like dirt during that vacation, picking fights and generally being mean. Turns out that he was planning on staying behind with OW#1 and OC the following week when we were suppose to move back to our home state. WH was being so awful because he was trying to goat me into giving him an excuse to leave me when we got back home. I didn't take the bait though.

It turns out that OW#1 had a huge problem with him going on vacation with me. Instead of pushing me into giving him reason to leave me, OW#1 lost it on him when we got back. WH told me that after 3 days of her screaming at him every chance she got, he changed his mind about staying behind with her and OC. I have mixed feelings about knowing that our first family vacation was what caused WH to stay with me.

Knowing all of this now kind of taints my memories. Canceling the vacation is not an option. My kids are really looking forward to going back. It's been four years since the last time we went so I refuse to disappoint them. I'm just going to have to suck it up and try not to ruin our trigger loaded vacation. WH handles my triggers well so I'm not worried about that. I just want to give my kids the vacation that they deserve.

Until very recently, WH has also been a total flirt. I have been very blunt with him that I will not tolerate any flirting, ogling, or even him putting out the "vibe." I fully expect him to handle anything anyone else tries with the same level of disrespect that they are showing me and our marriage. Part of me is worried that he will fail on this, but the other part of me is basically daring him to fail.

I haven't been able to get really excited about this vacation. I only have a week to get ready and I just can't get motivated. Has anyone else struggled with family vacations after D-day?

deena04 posted 5/17/2014 14:11 PM

We have not vacationed yet since I knew, but I hope it goes ok for you. Sometimes, so I have heard, vacations can really tell which way your R will go after DDay. Try to relax and enjoy it and take it day by day.

Furious1 posted 5/18/2014 11:47 AM

Thanks. I am forcing myself to go through the motions. I started taking antidepressants this past Tuesday so I'm hoping they kick in soon. I have a pretty full week scheduled so I'm hoping that helps too.

sunvalley posted 5/18/2014 15:54 PM

We have done two family vacations since Dday. The anticipation was more stressing than the vacation. The vacation was filled with distractions and fun. I found the escape from real life refreshing and keeping busy was good, but we didnt go anywhere triggery for me. I would encourage your WS to help you with the packing etc....thats the part that really stressed me out. And maybe once youre thete do something outside of your 'norm'. Ride the bigger rides, treat yourself to a nice meal or spa night...something to reward yourself. Deep breaths and hopefully he will not flirt at all. If he is anything like mine he probably finds even flirting to be shameful now. And dont be too hard on yourself if you do trigger. I had a few over being in a hotel, but all in all it was much easier to handle in vacation mode with lots to do. I almost canceled our trip and Im relieved I didnt.

Jls0320 posted 5/18/2014 17:14 PM

We went to Disneyland 2 wks ago, it was very stressful for me and full of triggers. We had gone last July to Disney and I had dday 3 wks later, he was having an EA while we were there. It was really hard on me and I had a tough time enjoying myself, saw happy families everywhere, things that triggered me, and it brought up a lot of memories. I hope you don't have the same experience I did. It was nice spending time with the kids and seeing how much fun they were having though :)

sunvalley posted 5/18/2014 19:25 PM

Oh I agree, the seemingly happy families everywhere bothered me as did the fact that we ran into five families we know...proved the whole small world thing I explained to H since he thought he was playing safe by choosing strangers who live an hour away. Turns out they all have ties to our lives....thanks fb. Something that really gave me perspective on these "happy" families is that I dont know their stories. I had two gfs complain to their Hs since Dday about how attentive and affectionate my H is with me....if only they knew WHY. It just reminded me that all these families may have stories too...illness, cheating or just a miserable coexistence...who knows...or maybe they were genuinely happy because they had saved up for years and were excited to be is the happiest place on earth right? Point being yes, i found it hard seeing happy families there but I find that at home too.everyone seems happier than me now but I know that cant always be true and if nothing else its something to strive for.i think lot of us miss our old happier selves living in the preDday naivety bubble...especially if acceptance is still not close.

Furious1 posted 5/19/2014 06:01 AM

Thanks everyone. It is going to stink seeing all of the happy families everywhere although I will admit that I enjoy meeting those families who have saved their entire lives and are thrilled just to be there.

WH and I talked about it last night and he was able to reassure me a little. WH is disgusted by how he use to be and how much he hurt me and our kids. He knows this is his last chance to get it right. We'll see.

WH is helping me get everything ready thankfully. DD and I have an appointment Thursday to get our hair and nails done. If all else fails, hopefully that will put me in the vacation mindset.

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