I had a rough week. I've posted a lot. But tonight I did what I could in my shitty situation to stand up for me.
In March, I lived with WH knowing he had taken A underground. I made it difficult for him, but more or less realised in the end all I did was enable to situation. I confronted him at the beginning of April after being psychologically decimated, and sent him to his parents.
He was NC with her for barely a month before I found out Wednesday they slept together in our home while I was on holiday.
So tonight, I had his mum around. I told her, as calmly as possible (while visibly shaking and trying to control my voice) that he cruelly removed all my things/decorations from our home and threw them on my bed and shut the door, and that he had her over and they slept together. He was meant to move back this week, and I told her I cannot endure that torture again. As long as he is seeing her, he can live with you.
And you know what? For the first time, his mum stopped defending him. She stopped questioning how I knew. She finally listened and agreed with me. She said, I do not blame you for not wanting to endure that. I cannot handle the amount of disrespect he is showing you in all aspects. If someone treated his sister like this, he would not be having it. I'm sorry there's not much I can do, the actions and choices have to come from him. But I can speak to him and let him know you will not live with it.
This is coming from umbilical cord mother who thought her son did no wrong, and made excuses for his anxiety and that he 'doesn't love me' and that she can clean up his messes. For the first time, she finally stopped defending him. She was always supportive of me, she loves me, and she's like my own mother (my own I barely speak to), but now I finally feel like she *gets* it. I said it has nothing to do with NOT being in love - it's now about how he cannot and has not respected me as a HUMAN since the beginning of the affair.
And regardless of her reaction or what follows, I feel a little prouder of myself, that I STOOD UP FOR MYSELF. I feel like I've gained the power of self-respect back!
I suggested that maybe now, if they choose to keep seeing each other, OW and WH can crash and burn on their own. One thing I know in my heart of hearts, deep in my gut, is that their "love" is not love and will not last. But as long as it was kept secretive and exciting, it still had fuel. Maybe now they can burn out together.
Anyway. Small victory. I'll take it. Thanks for listening.
Nov-?? A with his Ex
EA DDay: 31 Jan, I moved to in-laws
PA DDAY: 23 Feb
DDay 3: 13 May. Back in A.
9 Mar: I moved back. A went underground.
9 Apr: He moved into parents.
14 Apr: Me NC with WH.