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corner (original poster new member #43433) posted at 9:29 PM on Saturday, May 17th, 2014
I am having a really hard time controlling my nerves and I am having a hard time even talking with people, not just about the issue, but in general.
I am wondering if anyone else had this issue and how they dealt with it.
The real problem is, if I have things that trigger this I do not know what they are. I feel like I am shutting down, and I really do not think that this is conducive to my relationship with my BS or my outside relationships with friends and family. I really don't know what to do.
It is like my mind is just scattered, and I feel like it is getting worse.
stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 5:55 AM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
Are you in any kind of counseling?
“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 10:50 AM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
Yes, after d-day my mind and my nerves were shot. It took awhile for me to calm down. A big part of it was that there was still more that my BH didn't know and I was so nervous and jittery because I knew I had to tell him and I just didn't know how I would.
After I finally did tell him everything I was able to calm down a little.
If you are being totally transparent and the whole truth is out, your nerves are because of the stress of the aftermath of d-day. Keep being honest, work on yourself (IC, like stilllovinghim mentioned), and be patient. It should even out after awhile.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
islesguy ( member #38090) posted at 1:35 PM on Monday, May 19th, 2014
There are so many emotions involved and so much self anger that I have to work really hard on not lashing out. It is especially difficult to not overreact when the children get in trouble for something minor. All a part of the process of understanding yourself and your emotions. Remembering who you should be angry at (which is myself) and not just feeling anger in general is really important for me to maintain control. IC helped with this as well.
Me: WH
My BS has given me every opportunity to prove myself to her and I have failed again and again. I lied to her for well over 20 years and did nothing to help her. I made promises to her again and again that I would step up and still have not.
somethingremorse ( member #42047) posted at 2:52 PM on Monday, May 19th, 2014
I think that is pretty normal. Off of the top of my not-at-all psychologist head, divorce, infidelity, family issues are sort of the textbook triggers for an adjustment disorder.
Working at IC helped.
Me: WH (40s)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC
corner (original poster new member #43433) posted at 11:18 PM on Thursday, May 22nd, 2014
Thank you all for all of your help. I am trying to be as transparent as possible, but I am afraid that I might be forgetting important facts. As it is, I made a timeline and tried to tell my BS everything that I could.
I feel really uncomfortable talking about it, because I am not sure what information could further damage us. I am not intentionally holding anything back, but trying to remember it is like reaching back through pain, if you understand the analogy.
I am so messed up over this, because I never realized I could hurt someone so much.
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